CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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5 Phases of Recovery

Originally posted at: http://theresstillhope.org

Quitting your addiction is the easy part. Staying quit is the hard part.

Mark Twain said, “Quitting smoking is easy. I’ve done it dozens of times.”

Dr. John F. Kelly estimates relapse rates at 75 percent. In order to secure lasting recovery, Kelly suggests five phases to the process. 

  • Precontemplation: not yet ready for change
  • Contemplation: ready for change
  • Decision: new course is adopted
  • Action: new behaviors
  • Maintenance: behaviors sustained over time

If you are to live out a healthy recovery, void of relapse, know this – there are no shortcuts. Embrace the process. Get started today.

Recovery Step: Jesus warned us to “sin no more” (John 8:11).

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The Fruit of a Tree and Sexual Brokenness

Originally from Regeneration Ministries. https://www.regenerationministries.org/the-fruit-of-a-tree-and-sexual-brokenness/

You’ve probably heard it said here before that breaking a habit of unwanted sexual behaviors goes beyond “Behavior Management.”

Setting up filters or throwing away devices might eliminate the cues to your addiction, but it still leaves you exposed. There’s deeper work to be done.

Ultimately, to change your behavior you need to understand the why’s to your behavior. The actions you choose are connected to your emotions, to your thoughts and to your beliefs. 

You are wonderfully complex. In this episode, we’ll be looking at the design of a Tree to illustrate how you work and why you need to go deeper. (Be sure to look to the Homework section for ways to make the Tree model work for you.)

Highlights: 

FRUIT (Our Behavior)

The fruit of the tree, the leaves of the tree represent the behavior, the outward sign.

BRANCHES (Our Emotions)

When we experience some type of emotional pain or discomfort in our bodies, that serves as a trigger to move us towards these other behaviors to either medicate the pain or to get away from it.

TRUNK (Our Thoughts)

Your thoughts are more expansive than just a sentence, it holds with it some sort of image that connects to an idea.

ROOTS (Our Story)

This is where our Core beliefs lie. For example: What we learned about family based on our experience, about ourselves as kids, what God is like, about the world around us, what men are like, what women are like.

SOIL (Our Influences)

Things that influence our beliefs: Family of Origin, Abuses we’ve experienced, great disappointments, losses, etc.

The things we choose to think can be soil around our beliefs. What we choose to do can also serve as soil that nourishes the soil of what we believe.

Homework:

We are praying you choose to do the harder work of uncovering. You hold a powerful opportunity to change the trajectory of your life.  If, along the way you find yourself needing extra help, consider reaching out to us and we will set you up with a Spiritual Coach to come alongside you in your important work.

Branch Questions:

When you struggle with an unwanted behavior, begin by asking yourself, “What was I feeling before I started moving in that direction?”

If you’re feeling tempted right now, begin to notice and understand “What am I feeling in my body right now? What are the emotions I’m experiencing in my body right now?”

Trunk Questions:

What am I thinking that’s producing the kinds of emotions I’m experiencing now?

Take some guesses: What was going on for you that day? What’s coming up for you?

Root Work:

Take some time to write out what you think about the idea of Family (for example). Write the word Family on a piece of paper and then start brainstorming all that comes to mind about what a family looks like, who’s there, what they do, what does a week look like, what happens on the weekends, what does home look like to you, what role do you play. Taking time to write out the construct of what Family looks like to you can deconstruct some of the feelings you have attached to it.

Soil Work:

Nourish your beliefs through things like – exercise, scripture memorization, silence, simplicity, worship, communion, confession.

If you want to learn more, check out Josh’s latest musing on this topic at, If You Keep Repeating Your Sin

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James Franco breaks silence, admits to sleeping with students from his acting school

Originally posted at: https://www.npr.org/2021/12/23/1067331934/james-franco-sexual-misconduct-allegations-sex-addiction-interview

This article is not meant to shame James Franco, but to bring to light that this problem does not discriminate!

In a rare and wide-ranging interview, James Franco acknowledged he slept with students of the acting school he co-owned, saying he believed their encounters to be consensual despite the striking imbalance of power.

The Oscar-nominated actor has faced several allegations of sexual misconduct since 2018 — which he denied at the time — and earlier this year settled a class-action lawsuit led by two former students who claimed they were sexually exploited and victims of fraud at the now-closed school.

Franco addressed those allegations and his struggles with sex addiction, among other topics, in an interview with The Jess Cagle Show, which posted several clips of the conversation to YouTube on Wednesday ahead of its full release on Thursday afternoon.

“There were people who were upset with me and I needed to listen,” Franco said when asked why he had been silent until now. “I’ve just been doing a lot of work and I guess I’m pretty confident in saying, four years? There were some issues that I had to deal with that were also related to addiction. And so I’ve really used my recovery background to kind of start examining this and changing who I was.”

The 2019 lawsuit alleged that Franco and two other men sexually exploited female students at Studio 4, a New York- and Los Angeles-based acting school Franco founded in 2014 (he taught acting there and also at the collegiate level).

The plaintiffs, Sarah Tither-Kaplan and Toni Gaal, sought to represent a class of more than 100 former female students. They alleged the school set out to “create a steady stream of young women to objectify and exploit,” as well as “circumvent California’s ‘pay for play’ regulations,” which prohibit making actors pay for auditions. They told NPR in 2019 that they were promised that as paying students, they would be offered opportunities to audition for roles in Franco’s projects.

Part of the complaint involved a class called Sex Scenes, which required students to audition and pay an extra $750. Tither-Kaplan said she assumed the class would teach her how to navigate sex scenes professionally, but that she found its goal to be more for students to “get naked and do sex scenes and not complain and push the envelope.”

Franco denied the lawsuit’s allegations at the time, with his attorney also saying he would seek damages from the plaintiffs and their lawyers “for filing this scurrilous publicity seeking lawsuit.” The women dropped their claims in Feb. 2021 after the parties reached a preliminary settlement, and Franco officially agreed to settle the suit for $2.2 million in late June.

“I didn’t sleep with anybody in that particular class, but over the course of my teaching I did sleep with students, and that was wrong,” Franco said in one video clip. “But … it’s not why I started the school, and I wasn’t the person that selected the people to be in the class. So it wasn’t a master plan on my part, but yes, there were certain instances where … I was in a consensual thing with a student and I shouldn’t have been.”

Cagle pushed back, asking Franco how he could not have been aware of the power imbalance between students and their teacher, a very famous actor.

“I suppose at the time my thinking was if it’s consensual, OK,” Franco said. “Of course I knew, you know, talking to other people, other teachers or whatever, like, yeah, it’s probably not a cool thing. At the time I was not clear-headed… so I guess it just comes down to, my criteria was, like, if this is consensual I think it’s cool, we’re all adults.”

Franco also characterized the sex scenes class as provocatively titled, saying it was about dating and relationships and should have been called something more along the lines of “contemporary romance.”

In a statement, a group of former students involved in the litigation against Franco called his comments “a transparent ducking of the real issues.”

“In addition to being blind about power dynamics, Franco is completely insensitive to, and still apparently does not care about, the immense pain and suffering he put his victims through with this sham of an acting school,” the former students said. “It is unbelievable that even after agreeing to a settlement he continues to downplay the survivors’ experiences and ignore their pain, despite acknowledging he had no business starting such a school in the first place. This wasn’t a misunderstanding over a course name, it wasn’t the result of him being overworked – it was, and is, despicable conduct.”

Franco discussed his sex addiction and its impact on his personal and professional relationships

At another point, Franco acknowledged he had “let a lot of people down,” like his students, the Oscars and his coworkers on various movies. Franco talked about being overworked and approaching his breaking point while juggling a Broadway show, movie filming and teaching at four Los Angeles schools.

A year before the misconduct allegations emerged, he said, one of his agents staged an intervention about him being a workaholic.

He talked about struggles with addiction, first to alcohol and then to sex. He said after he got sober at the age of 17, he sought validation from his professional success and then with attention from women. The problem, he said, is that “there’s never enough.”

Franco acknowledged he wasn’t faithful in relationships, saying he cheated on “everyone” before his current girlfriend. He said his sponsor had suggested that infidelity and dishonesty could harm his sobriety but wasn’t concerned about “whatever happens between two consenting adults” while single. Franco said he used that as “an excuse to just hook up all over the place.”

“It was like, ‘Well, we’re being honest here, right,’ and like you said, completely blind to power dynamics or anything like that, but also completely blind to people’s feelings,” he said, adding that his behavior reached a point where he was “hurting everybody.”

He also spoke about his longtime friend and collaborator, Seth Rogen, who said earlier this year that he did not plan to work with Franco again in the wake of the sexual misconduct allegations.

“I love Seth Rogen,” Franco said. “I worked with him for 20 years, we didn’t have one fight … He was my absolute closest work friend, collaborator, we just gelled. And what he said is true, we aren’t working together right now and we don’t have any plans to work together.”

Franco said that while Rogen’s comments were hurtful, he understood that Rogen had to answer for him because he himself was silent. He added that that’s another reason he wanted to speak up — “so people don’t have to answer for me anymore.”

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Donation

Originally posted at: http://theresstillhope.org

Father O’Malley answered the phone.

“Hello, is this Father O’Malley?”

“It is.”

“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”

“I can.”

“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?”

“I do.”

“Is he a member of your church?”

“He is.”

“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”

“He will.”

It would appear that Ted Houlihan attempted to stick it to the IRS, claiming to have made a charitable contribution he had not actually made. I hear that all the time: “I’m done with my addiction.” “I have no more temptation.” “The battle is over.”

The Bible warns us, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking” (Proverbs 10:19).

Recovery Step: Be the person you want others to think you are.

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The Practice Of Mindful Communication

originally posted at: https://theonlinetherapist.blog/the-practice-of-mindful-communication/

We need to communicate with people every day unless we live in complete solitude. Depending on the circumstances, it might be something we do on a regular basis. I’m curious how present some of us are throughout these interactions. While it is impossible to be fully present all of the time, mindful communication methods will guarantee that things flow smoothly and conflict management is exercised effectively. Let’s look at how communication usually works as a process:

The graphic depicts the regular flow of communication from the sender to the recipient, as well as the phases in between. It begins with the communication’s source or originator and the message they want to communicate. The message is built and encoded in a manner that the recipient understands but is communicated via verbal and non-verbal communication. The message’s delivery is critical, as is the manner in which it is given, taking into consideration aural, visual, and kinesthetic components. When the receiver gets the message, it is encoded and processed, and eventually becomes a message when the recipient responds with feedback to the source, thus closing the loop.

As one might expect, there are numerous factors that can influence the process as it progresses through the named stages to completion. The source putting the message together may not be able to do it in a functioning fashion, and it may be given in such a way that the receiver misinterprets it. For whatever reason, the receiver may be unable to comprehend the message, and the response provided may be based on misunderstanding. Internal concerns such as thoughts, feelings, triggers, fears, assumptions, personality, upbringing, and culture are some of the most typical reasons for the process not functioning. External circumstances such as the situation, location, and the presence of others may also impede communication.

Ineffective communication may result in a lack of trust, anger, irritation, unpleasant emotions, and negative body language, to mention a few. Many relationships are harmed by inadequate communication skills, and the relationship will suffer as a result. Couples often feel compelled to “win” a dispute, and if there is a winner, there must also be a loser. In reality, the relationship itself is the loser, as the pair employs a combination of passive, passive aggressive, and overtly hostile strategies to gain or keep control. Effective communication skills, on the other hand, may be acquired at any age, and a lack of understanding can never be used to justify inefficient communication patterns.

Particularly crucial in all settings is the ability to communicate mindfully, which is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. According to Carroll (2006) and Doyle (2019), these are some examples:

Active Listening: involves paying attentive attention to what the other person is saying, taking note of both verbal and nonverbal cues, maintaining eye contact when appropriate, expressing empathy, and asking clarifying questions, among other things. Distractions should be avoided, queries should be rephrased and clarified, solutions should not be sought immediately, and patience should be exercised.

Clarity: When communicating mindfully, it is important to say just enough (not too little or too much). Effective communication typically entails communicating clearly and concisely, saying what needs to be said in as few words as possible. “Rambling” may cause the receiver to stop listening or become confused about what you’re trying to say. To avoid confusing or tiring your receiver, think about what you want to say ahead of time when communicating with clarity and concision.

Friendliness: By using a friendly tone, personal questions (when appropriate), smiling, and open body language, you show that you are personable and approachable to those with whom you are communicating.

Open-Minded: Effective communicators approach talks with an open and flexible mind. They pay attention to other people’s points of view, even when they disagree with them, and they do not concentrate solely on presenting their own point of view to the audience. As a result, honest and fruitful dialogues can take place.

Respect: Simple behaviors (such as using a person’s name, making eye contact, and attentively listening to them) can be used to communicate respect in all discussions. Distractions should be avoided when conversing with someone (whether in person or over the phone). Maintain concentration throughout the conversation.

Feedback: The capacity to provide and receive feedback is a critical communication skill that everyone should have. Both positive and constructive feedback are included in the process of providing feedback to others. The ability to receive feedback is also an important communication skill. Respectfully taking in and acting on feedback, asking clarifying questions (especially if you are unclear of an issue), and making efforts to put the input into action all contribute to the development of trust and rapport between people.

Mode of communication: The mode of communication chosen to deliver a message can have a significant impact on how the message is received by the recipient. In contrast to short messages that can be sent via email or text, significant conversations are best conducted in person when necessary. People value smart forms of communication and are more likely to respond positively to them if they are delivered in a thoughtful manner.

Thoughtful communication techniques and ideas are essential to cultivating healthy and supportive relationships. It’s our need to be heard and understood that drives us all onward. In order to be heard and understood, we sometimes have to first hear and comprehend the other person.