The leaders of Castimonia would like to present some topics on Codependency in men and how it affects our relationships and how the fear of abandonment and feelings of entitlement from our own codependency led us to medicate these by sexually acting out. We do not condone codependent partners to leave one another, but to seek therapy and healing for themselves within the marriage or relationship in order to strengthen the couple and their relationship. The next few topics will strictly deal with male codependency.
There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today. The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser. A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions. However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem-solving developed by family rules. One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress. Maladaptive means an inability for a person to develop behaviors which get needs met. Compulsive means acting in a way that goes against one’s conscious desires in which to behave. As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in “toxic relationships“, in other words with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment. Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they’re not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can’t get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship. Generally, if you’re feeling unfulfilled consistently in relationships, you tend to be indirect, don’t assert yourself when you have a need, if you’re able to recognize you don’t play as much as others.
“… worrying about people and problems doesn’t help. It doesn’t solve problems, it doesn’t help other people, and it doesn’t help us. It is wasted energy.”