CASTIMONIA

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The “I Wills”

Originally posted at: http://applyingmybeliefs.wordpress.com/2014/10/20/the-i-wills/
By Applying My Beliefs

When I talk with a young (or sometimes older) couple I often bring this up:

Eph 2:10 – For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. ESV

Then I might say something like this:

Every person created is God’s workmanship, all of us on the planet are His masterpieces, we are all made exactly as He decided, created by Him and for Him. So, as you look at each other right now, in this moment, say quietly in your mind that “my life’s partner is created just as God wanted him or her.” Then let us recognize that God’s word says that we were created for good works that God had in mind for us before the universe was made. The most important good work that any believer can do in their marriage is to treat their spouse as a God-created person, a child of the most high. When you get in front of Jesus, which we all will, whether we believe in Him or not, he might ask, how many mission trips you went on or how much money you gave to the church or how many people you spoke to about Christ. But this is the big marriage question that you will have to answer:

• How did you treat your spouse?

I might then ask a couple if they want to know how to treat each other the way God intends; and this is what I tell them: “Here is my suggestion on how to do that.”

I’m going to read 1 Cor 13:4-8, sometimes known as the love passage, and from it I’m going to draw a series of choices you can make that will help you have a godly marriage. I call these the “I wills” for these are not just choices, but promises you can make to each other.

1 Cor 13:4-8 – Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

And here are the “I wills” we can extract from these verses:

• I will be patient with you.
• I will be kind to you.
• I will not be envious of you.
• I will not boast about myself to you.
• I will not be arrogant toward you.
• I will not be rude to you.
• I will not insist on my own way.
• I will not be irritable with you.
• I will not resent you.
• I will not rejoice when you are wrong.
• I will rejoice when you live into truth.
• I will put up with your strange ways.
• I will always believe in you.
• I will always hope for the best for you.
• I will endure the worst for you.
• My love for you will not end.

As we hear this list, let us be well aware that it is impossible to keep this list unless God is in the marriage. The scriptures say that God is love, and that all love flows from Him into us through His Holy Spirit and out toward others.

So then, if you practice the “I Wills”, relying on God’s love to give you the power to actually do them, your marriage will be able to withstand the trouble that this fallen world will throw at you.

 

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Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and the family

I received this message from a group member:

I was searching this week on ideas about how to deal better with my Wife’s PTSD.  I came across this and thought it might be helpful to others.

If a loved one has post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it’s essential that you take care of yourself and get extra support. PTSD can take a heavy toll on the family if you let it. It can be hard to understand why your loved one won’t open up to you—why he or she is less affectionate and more volatile. The symptoms of PTSD can also result in job loss, substance abuse, and other stressful problems.

Letting your family member’s PTSD dominate your life while ignoring your own needs is a surefire recipe for burnout. In order to take care of your loved one, you first need to take care of yourself. It’s also helpful to learn all you can about post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The more you know about the symptoms and treatment options, the better equipped you’ll be to help your loved one and keep things in perspective.

Helping a loved one with PTSD

  • Be patient and understanding. Getting better takes time, even when a person is committed to treatment for PTSD. Be patient with the pace of recovery and offer a sympathetic ear. A person with PTSD may need to talk about the traumatic event over and over again. This is part of the healing process, so avoid the temptation to tell your loved one to stop rehashing the past and move on.
  • Try to anticipate and prepare for PTSD triggers. Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the trauma; and certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to offer your support and help your loved one calm down.
  • Don’t take the symptoms of PTSD personally. Common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) include emotional numbness, anger, and withdrawal. If your loved one seems distant, irritable, or closed off, remember that this may not have anything to do with you or your relationship.
  • Don’t pressure your loved one into talking. It is very difficult for people with PTSD to talk about their traumatic experiences. For some, it can even make things worse. Never try to force your loved one to open up. Let the person know, however, that you’re there when and if he or she wants to talk.

 

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Keeping Secrets

According to new research published in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, one in 10 men are harboring serious sex secrets of one kind or another. “There are two kinds of secrets guys keep,” says Les Parrott, author of Crazy Good Sex. “Things they wish their wives or girlfriends would understand but are scared they won’t, and things they’re just plain trying to get away with.” With that in mind, we polled hundreds of men to learn what they hide at each stage in a relationship and enlisted experts to offer their insights. Some men exaggerate to sound more sexually experienced; others low-ball so you don’t dismiss them as players. “Men know that if they confess to a large number of partners, it sends the message that they’re unlikely to commit to one. That is, to you,” says David Buss, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of The Evolution of Desire. According to a study at Brigham Young University, 87 percent of men have looked at some form of porn in the past year, and one in five help themselves to X-rated fare daily. Men like to look at naked chicks—no surprise there—but what is shocking is how quickly they can become dependent on those erotic images. A powerful pleasure cocktail of endorphins and epinephrine (hormones responsible for arousal and alertness) are released while a man watches porn… And that feeling can become addictive. Technology has made it easier than ever to reconnect with former flames. In the past four years, the number of adults with profiles on social-networking sites has quadrupled. Experts say that men may reach out to an ex as a sort of insurance policy. “People like to have backups, not necessarily to form a long-term relationship with now, but to have as a placeholder so they’re not left high and dry should their existing relationship end,” Buss says. From an article by Carrie Sloan
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/mens-sex-secrets?page=1

“Anything will give up its secrets. if you love it enough.” – George Washington Carver

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Causes and Risk Factors for Sexual Addiction

No one factor is thought to cause sexual addiction, but there is thought to be biological, psychological, and social factors that contribute to the development of these disorders. For example, the intoxication associated with sexual addiction is thought to be the result of changes in certain areas and chemicals in the brain that are elicited by the compulsion. Research differs somewhat in terms of gender-based patterns of sexual addiction. For example, some studies describe males who are introverted and highly educated as more inclined to develop an Internet addiction, including sexual Internet addiction. Other studies indicate that middle-aged women using home computers were more at risk for Internet sexual addiction. Psychological risk factors for sexual addiction are thought to include depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. The presence of a learning disability increases the risk of developing a sex addiction as well. As people with a history of suffering from any addiction are at risk for developing another addiction, being dependent on something else makes it more likely for sexual addiction to occur. Sufferers of these disorders tend to be socially isolated and have personality traits like insecurity, impulsivity, compulsive behaviors, trouble with relationship stability and intimacy, low ability to tolerate frustration, and a tendency to have trouble coping with emotions. People who are sexually abused are at somewhat higher risk of developing a sexual addiction. By Roxanne Dryden-Edwards, MD and Melissa Conrad Stöppler, MD
http://www.medicinenet.com/sexual_addiction/page2.htm#what_are_causes_and_risk_factors_for_sexual_addiction

“Just as a heroin addict chases a substance-induced high, sex addicts are bingeing on chemicals — in this case, their own hormones.” –  Alexandra Katehakis

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Men and Binge Eating

While men make up about 10 percent of patients with anorexia and bulimia, both sexes struggle almost equally with binge eating. According to the Binge Eating Disorder Association, 40 percent of the estimated 10 million Americans who binge eat are men. Binge eating is defined as consuming large amounts of food within a two-hour period at least twice per week, combined with loss of control. Those struggling with this disorder often consume thousands of calories in one sitting, followed by an overwhelming sense of shame and self-loathing, which leads to further binging. The causes and underlying mechanisms of binge eating are similar to other eating disorders. Binge eaters may suffer from low self-esteem, past trauma or weight-related bullying, or use food to numb emotions and cope with stress. One factor that differentiates binge eating in men and women is that it is more likely to go unnoticed in men. Even if they are overweight or obese, as an estimated 70 percent of people with binge disorder are, eating more and carrying more weight are more socially acceptable for men than women. Heart disease, Type 2 diabetes and other weight-related health conditions are common, as are mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Binge eating, like other eating disorders, can impact a man’s career, relationships and every area of his life. Compounding the problem is the reality that many men do not seek treatment for fear of appearing weak, strange or like less of a man. Although men may not reach out for help as often, treatment is equally effective for men as it is for women. There are also support groups and eating disorder treatment programs, some of which have specialized tracks for men. From an article by Carolyn C. Ross, M.D., M.P.H http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/real-healing/201210/binge-eating-in-men-0

“We have it in our head that if we fill our stomachs, we’ll fill our hearts.” – Kate Wicker