sex addiction

originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org

In the middle of Jesus’ public ministry, we find this startling verse: “Many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him” (John 6:66).

I would find that disheartening. My initial response would be to chase after those who had dropped out. Not so with Jesus. In the latter part of John 6, we find that Jesus made zero effort to chase down the deserters. Instead, he turned 100 percent of his attention to the 12 disciples who were still standing with him. 

If you are helping others find recovery, I offer you three suggestions.

• Know that some will turn back.
• Focus on who you have left, rather than who you have lost.
• Don’t blame yourself for the decisions of others. 

Recovery Step: Nothing will help you secure your own sobriety like helping someone else secure theirs. But not everyone will stick with the program. Be okay with that.

Originally posted at: https://180recover.com/2021/08/19/avoiding-weekend-binges-blog/

It should come as no surprise that the porn traffic peaks starting on Friday night at 11:00 pm and is at its lowest Monday morning at 5:00 am according to research done by the leading porn site in the world.

Porn unlike beer does not need to put commercials up on television or other public media. They already have their audience trained and addicted and know their numbers will continue to climb along with the population of the earth.

However, if one were to make a commercial for many men and what they want to do over the weekend…the tagline would be…

Weekends were made for Porn!

The largest porn site in the world keeps statistics on almost everything and in their research they learned that the most time spent on the most days was Friday after 11:00 pm and Saturday after midnight.

The times of most porn being watched increases over the weekend with the highest time being 11:00 pm Sunday night and the lowest being 5:00 am Monday morning.

So, let’s think about why weekends create the most use of porn in the week. Seems simple enough…most people work Monday – Friday and have Saturday and Sunday off.

I know that is not true across the board however, it makes sense because before Covid-19 kids were in school on weekdays and home on weekends.

Over the weekend you can stay up later and sleep in longer as well. There is not the pressure of being to work on time on Saturday and Sunday so you stay up later after your spouse and kids are in bed and you can access porn anywhere and anytime with the Worlds Adult Bookstore you carry in your pocket called your smartphone.

The question we need to be answering is not WHY weekends tend to cause more bingeing but HOW do I stop what has become a regular and very addictive habit.

One of the things we do in 180 is to help men work out a plan that they can implement when they are approaching a time when they know they are going to have more free time on their hands and more hand time on their…well I will just say time “…on their internet.”

The success we experience in almost everything in life is to have a plan. If your spouse is away on a trip with the kids or even without the kids what is your plan to stay away from porn and the devices you use to access porn?

With no plan and the habitual action of looking at porn on the weekend, you can be almost certain you will fall again. If you knew that someone was going to break into your house over the weekend you would get prepared. You would make sure the outside lights on the porches are on. You would turn on your home alarm system. And you might even have a gun readily accessible or some other weapon like a lightsaber or a baseball bat.

Or if you believe your car is going to be stolen you might make sure the alarm system works and or park it in the garage. Preparation is the key to success. If you can prepare well for a fishing trip then you can prepare for a weekend at home without porn.

Both scenarios require not too complicated and easily done actions, so you and your property are protected. But dealing with porn is a much more difficult thing to create a plan for defeating it. So, let’s think of the avenues we need to guard to keep porn out of our house, television, computer, laptop, tablet, and from between our ears using fantasy.

Step One of the plan is to make sure there is no existing porn in your home and on any of your devices. If you have a stash of physical porn it needs to be thrown in a dumpster…one which you will not climb back into to retrieve it. This should have been done years ago but it lingers in your home because you plan to go back to it sometime.

Then make sure you do not have any virtual stashes on any of your devices. Favorite videos or images that you find especially appealing should have been deleted a long time ago and if you leave them available you are not going to progress in your recovery. It is part of the secrecy that keeps you in bondage.

Step Two of a good plan is to write it out. Think through the schedule for the weekend and identify the times when you will feel most tempted. Plan other things to do during those times and include your friends or family to participate with you.

• Who is available for getting together…on Friday night and doing something that is not going to create temptation? Like having the guys over to play poker or other games. Have a binge night to watch a series of your favorite movies or television shows.

• Set for yourself an alcohol limit. No alcohol is the best for all but some minor intake of one or two drinks might not cause you to go to porn as soon as you get home. However, what works for me is to stop drinking alcohol except on some social events

• Set a schedule for when you will go online and stick to it. Shutting all electronics down at 11:00 pm or maybe midnight can help eliminate the hours of surfing for the garbage you know you should not be watching anyway. Limit online time and stick to a pure purpose.

• Do not isolate on Saturday or Sunday. Have friends over to watch your favorite sports games. Take yourself and your family to church. Throw some shrimp on the barbie with burgers, brats, and maybe even some steak and have a party.

Now once you have created your plan by thinking through all the time you will be facing alone or without your wife write it all down and do three things with it.

1. Give a copy to your wife. This is critical and will show her that you are making serious efforts to stop old behaviors and create new ones. It is a very good way to begin to rebuild trust. And when she gets home go over the list and tell her the truth of how you did. Even if you blew it and had a fall, she will appreciate the fact that you came forward on your own and told her the truth. Instead of telling another lie she has to deal with.

2. Give a copy to your accountability team or friends who know of your struggle. Asking them to get together with you over the weekend and to feel free to call of text you to see how you are doing. Also do a debriefing with them after the weekend has passed.

3. Give a copy for yourself and tape it to your bathroom mirror or keep a copy on your phone and review it frequently. Read it over Friday and Saturday night as soon as you get into bed and remind yourself what you are fighting for.

Winning this battle with a powerful enemy and the lust of our flesh is going to take hard work and thinking things through…creating a plan, executing it, and going over it afterward with your spouse or accountability team.