CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Men’s Sexual Purity Recovery, Is it for you? 80/20 Principle – Part 4

(Originally posted in 2012)

In Men’s Sexual Purity Recovery, Is it for you? 80/20 Principle – Part 1 I openly discussed the issue with excessive lustful thoughts and self-gratification (masturbation).  In Men’s Sexual Purity Recovery, Is it for you? 80/20 Principle – Part 2 I go one level deeper into the viewing of pornography and its effects on the brain and how an addiction can quickly form.  In Men’s Sexual Purity Recovery, Is it for you? 80/20 Principle – Part 3, I went further “down the scale” of sexual purity and looked at situations where a man has crossed the “flesh line” so to speak.  In Part 4, I address the topic question and also address the partners of men who struggle with sexual purity issues.

Question:  Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery, Is it for you?

Answer: ABSOLUTELY!

Regardless of what stage of sexual impurity you might be in as a man, entering a proper support program is essential!

FOR THE WIVES/PARTNERS:

Question: Does my husband/partner struggle with sexual purity issues?

Answer: As a man, there is a strong possibility he does.

Remember the therapist joke in Part 1?  “80% of men struggle with some sort of sexual purity issue and the 20% that say they do not, are lying.” There is a lot of truth to this “joke.”

In today’s sex-charged culture, more and more men are being tempted sexually.  Next time you are at the grocery store, look at the cover or inside the magazines marketed toward men.  Watch a sporting event on TV and you can see how advertisers “know” how to grab a man’s attention! How about the increase in “Sports Bars & Grills” where waitresses wear skimpy outfits?  Who do you think is their target market group? (And men, these types of restaurants are NOT ok.  If you visit one of these restaurants, it had better be your wife’s choice and you better be facing out the window!)    The objectification of women has been normalized in our culture!

Please understand, however, that the amount of sexual purity with which your husband will struggle will vary.  It may only be a struggle with lustful thoughts and fantasies, but it could also be a lot more.  The key is, to allow your husband to seek support for any sexual purity issues he may have in his life.  If he only struggles with “minor” lustful thoughts and actions, it is imperative that he begin receiving support before he moves on to another level of sexual purity struggle!  If he struggles with more, he will find the help and support he needs to become courageous enough to step out of the shadows and into the light.

Ladies, DO NOT shame your husband because he is seeking help with his sexual purity struggles!  It takes a lot more courage to open up and say, “I might have a problem” than to keep it a secret and act as if nothing is wrong.

Ladies, ask your husband if he struggles with any type of sexual purity.  His answer, at a minimum, better be “sometimes or once in a while” even if he does not look at pornography or has had sex outside the marriage!  If he responds, “NO or Not at all” then he is not being truly honest.  And yes, having lustful thoughts is considered a sexual purity struggle.

Ladies, be open and honest about sexuality with your husband.  Don’t shame him for wanting to be sexual with you (and husbands, don’t shame your wife because she doesn’t).  Open a dialog about both of your thoughts and feelings on sex within the marriage.  If there are extreme differences, then a third party (such as a pastor or counselor) should be brought in to mediate, ascertain, and give godly advice to both of you.

Ladies, if your husband plans to attend a Castimonia meeting, DO NOT assume he is visiting sexually oriented businesses, viewing pornography, masturbating, having an affair, or is a “Sex Addict.”  Understand that Castimonia meetings are for any man that struggles with any type of sexual purity!  You, the wife, should encourage your husband to attend.

At Castimonia meetings we learn tools that help us combat sexual purity issues.  We learn about what real intimacy is between a husband and wife – not just physical, but, more importantly, emotional and spiritual intimacy.   We learn to be open, honest, and intimate with other men and use these men to support us in our battle against sexual temptation and sexual impurity.  We learn to be a “team” of warriors and not isolate ourselves.  This is where the enemy wants us; alone!

So next time a Castimonia meeting is being held, wives, you need ask your husband, if they have not attended, why they are NOT going to the meeting.  Encourage them to reject passivity on the subject of sexual purity and seek to be the sexually pure men that God wants them to be.  Encourage them to lead courageously and be the spiritual leaders of your household as well as have the courage to speak to your children now or in the future about healthy sexuality.   And encourage them to learn how to be truly intimate and love you in ways that are healthy!

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Do You Feel Lucky?

Originally posted at: http://theresstillhope.org

“You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?”
      – Clint Eastwood, Dirty Harry (1971) 

I’ve learned one overarching lesson from my years of recovery, study, and working with men in addiction.

Lucky is not a plan.

Let me explain. Too often, in our quest for recovery, we just hope to get lucky. We hope things will just go our way – with our marriage, kids, job, health, and finances. “If everything goes right,” we reason, “we can make it in recovery.”

Don’t hate me for saying this, but I really believe it’s true. Your recovery is on you, so own it!

If it takes a loving wife, disciplined kids, an adoring boss, and the circumstances always going your way, in order to stay in recovery, I would humbly suggest you were not really in recovery in the first place. 

Recovery Step: Recovery is not the act of staying sober because everything is going your way. Recovery is the act of staying sober when nothing is going your way. Recovery is not about what is going on around you, but in you. And that’s good news, because you don’t get a vote in deciding what’s going on around you anyway.

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Destroying Porn Addiction Starts with Destroying Shame

Originally posted: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2014/09/19/destroying-porn-addiction-shame/

Is destroying porn addiction possible? For many men and women, this habit runs so deep, our personal vows to stop seem worthless to us anymore.

The Bible sees a vital link between sexual sin and social shame. The apostle Paul said those whose lives are marked by sexual immorality and impurity commit these acts “in secret” (Ephesians 5:3,12). Paul likens this way of life as hiding in “darkness” (v.8, 11). Sexual sin seeks out dark corners to hide so its deeds are not exposed to God or to others (John 3:20).

The problem is not the sense of shame itself. Shame is the natural reaction when creatures created in the image of God and sin collide: something in our conscience recognizes we are failing in the eyes of the our friends, family, the world, God—or even ourselves. Shame is meant to wake us up to the relational breaches caused by sin and push us toward restoration.

But that is not often what happens. Shame gets mixed with the false belief that we are too broken or too wicked for God to accept or change us—much less other people. So we hide.

John Lynch of TrueFaced talks about this in this video…

Choosing Not to Hide

Destroying porn addiction starts when we choose to confront the shame we feel around it. We must choose to come out of hiding, confess our struggle with others, and build safeguards that prevent us from hiding ever again.

Porn thrives in the haven of anonymity; it is killed in the light of accountability.

Porn flourishes in the dark of secrecy; it is destroyed in the sunlight.

Step #1: Safeguard Your Devices from Secrecy

Technology has not only become the easiest access point for pornography, it is also the easiest place to hide. Thanks to WiFi, 4G networks, laptops, and smartphones, you can view porn nearly anywhere at any time, and the risk of being seen has never been lower.

Step #2: Safeguard Your Heart from Toxic Shame

As we said already, shame is a normal response to sin. In fact, in the Bible, being shameless is a sign that something is seriously wrong—sinning is broad daylight is an indication of great hardheartedness. But shame becomes toxic when it is reinforced by the idea that we and our relationships are irreparable and irredeemable.

We can fight this belief by creating for ourselves a circles of friends where we fight this false belief together. These friends are not only ideal people to receive your Internet Accountability Reports, but people who will also hold you accountable to your tendency to hide in shame.

Here are some questions you can ask one another:

  • In an effort to protect your image, have you been tempted to minimize, explain away, or hide the true face of your sin to me?
  • Are you resting completely in what Christ has done for you—not obsessing about your failures or putting stock in your own performance?
  • Are you resting in your identity as God’s beloved child, or do you feel more like a spiritual orphan that has to perform for God to love you?

Even more than accountability for our behavior, we must be accountable for our false beliefs that drive us into hiding. We must remind one another there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), that Christ has paid for our sins through His death (Hebrews 10:13).

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Ten Benefits of EMDR Therapy

Originally posted at: https://revelationcounselingblog.wordpress.com/2023/02/24/ten-benefits-of-emdr-therapy/

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a form of psychotherapy used to treat individuals with traumatic experiences, anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns. The therapy is based on the concept that traumatic experiences can cause unprocessed memories to become stored in the brain, leading to symptoms such as anxiety and depression.

The EMDR therapy process begins with a thorough assessment of the client’s history and current symptoms. The therapist then helps the client identify specific traumatic events and related negative beliefs. During the therapy session, the client is instructed to recall the traumatic memory while following the therapist’s hand movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation (e.g. tapping or sound). This process is thought to activate the brain’s natural information processing system, allowing the client to reprocess and integrate the traumatic memories.

Throughout the therapy process, the client is encouraged to report any thoughts, feelings, and sensations that arise. The therapist may also work with the client to address and challenge negative beliefs related to the traumatic experience. After several EMDR therapy sessions, it is common for clients to experience a decrease in symptoms, improved mood, and increased overall functioning.

EMDR therapy is a structured, evidence-based approach that has been found to be highly effective for treating a wide range of mental health concerns. It can be a powerful tool for individuals looking to overcome traumatic experiences and improve their overall quality of life.

10 Benefits of EMDR Therapy

  1. Reduces symptoms of trauma (PTSD)
  2. Improves depression and anxiety
  3. Decreases negative beliefs and emotions
  4. Enhances positive self-esteem
  5. Increases resilience
  6. Improves relationship functioning
  7. Alleviates symptoms of phobias
  8. Enhances spiritual well-being
  9. Improves sleep
  10. Increases overall life satisfaction.

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Christian 12 Step Sex Addiction Group

Revisiting the theme of having the AI ChatGPT write sex addiction articles, I asked it to “Write an article for a Christian, 12-step Sex Addiction Recovery Group” and below is the result:

As a Christian, finding oneself struggling with sex addiction can be a difficult and isolating experience. The guilt, shame, and sense of moral failure can lead to a vicious cycle of addictive behavior and self-destructive thoughts. However, there is hope for those who are willing to seek help and embark on a path of recovery.

The 12-step program is a widely recognized method for addiction recovery that has helped countless individuals find freedom from their addictive behaviors. These 12 steps were originally developed by Alcoholics Anonymous, but have since been adapted to address a wide range of addictions, including sex addiction.

The first step is perhaps the most difficult, but also the most important: admitting that we are powerless over our addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable. This requires a deep level of humility and surrender, recognizing that we cannot overcome our addiction on our own.

The second step involves recognizing that a higher power, in the form of God as we understand him, can restore us to sanity. For Christians, this involves placing our trust in Jesus Christ and recognizing that he alone has the power to transform us from the inside out.

The third step involves making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him. This requires a willingness to let go of our own desires and to trust in God’s plan for our lives.

The fourth step involves taking a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves. This involves honestly examining our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and acknowledging the ways in which we have harmed ourselves and others.

The fifth step involves admitting to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. This requires a willingness to be vulnerable and to seek the support and accountability of others.

The sixth step involves being entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. This requires a willingness to let go of our old ways of thinking and behaving, and to embrace a new way of life.

The seventh step involves humbly asking God to remove our shortcomings. This requires a recognition of our own limitations and a willingness to rely on God’s strength rather than our own.

The eighth step involves making a list of all persons we have harmed, and becoming willing to make amends to them all. This requires a willingness to take responsibility for our actions and to seek to make things right with those we have wronged.

The ninth step involves making direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. This requires a willingness to face our past mistakes and to make concrete steps towards making things right.

The tenth step involves continuing to take personal inventory and when we are wrong, promptly admitting it. This requires a commitment to ongoing self-reflection and accountability.

The eleventh step involves seeking through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. This requires a commitment to cultivating a deep and meaningful relationship with God.

The twelfth step involves carrying this message to other sex addicts and practicing these principles in all our affairs. This requires a commitment to sharing our own experiences with others who may be struggling, and to living out these principles in all aspects of our lives.

As Christians, we believe that true freedom and transformation come through a relationship with Jesus Christ. The 12-step program can be a powerful tool for incorporating Christian principles into our recovery journey, and for finding the support and community we need to overcome our addiction. With God’s help and the support of fellow believers, we can find hope and healing in the midst of our struggles.