CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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One Man’s Testimony Saved My Daughter’s Life

Originally posted November 23, 2012

Although this letter is deeply personal to me, I thought I would share with everyone the power of our testimony and how it can literally save someone’s life.  In this case, it was the life of my daughter Elizabeth, who turns 3 today.  I have edited the names to keep them anonymous.

****,

Sorry for the delayed response. I have been waiting for almost 3 years to let you know how your testimony changed my life forever. I am writing this out so you can send it to others if you choose, but honestly I get so emotional when I tell this story, I don’t think I could maintain my composure through the story.

On April 30, 2009 you gave your testimony at the Celebrate Recovery meeting at First Baptist Houston. I almost did not attend but my wife wanted to go to CR at that location after having attended previously. I went, with protest, but it was worth it. Funny how my codependency was actually a good thing that night!

When you started talking about the two girls you got pregnant in highschool I began to feel the Holy Spirit tugging at me. Then you stated how both women had told you they had an abortion but one of them lied and you had a son that you met 18 years later who is a good Christian man (forgive me if the details are not 100% correct). At this time I was crying. Why? Because I had scheduled to take my affair partner to the abortion clinic the very next morning. There was a high probability that the baby she was carrying was mine.

All night I was restless and couldn’t sleep. The next morning I dropped off my coworker at the office and rushed down to the hotel to pick up my affair partner and take her to the abortion clinic. She had planned to stay at this hotel after the abortion so she could recover. When I arrived I was full of anger of what I was about to do and then thought about your testimony and I broke down and told her that I would not take her, that I preferred adoption to abortion or even a far off chance that my wife and I would raise the baby. She said she would do it herself and that she would not have a married man’s baby. I told her everything I could think of to keep her from going to the clinic by herself or with someone else. I ended up leaving and prayed that she did not go through with it. I even lied to her one last time in an email begging her to keep the baby.

Elizabeth (Lizzie) was born on November 23, 2009. Her mother tested positive for meth and marijuana and this allowed the Holy Spirit to convict my wife to make the decision to file for custody of Elizabeth (that is another story of God answering my prayers). After 1 year of back and forth with Liz’s grandmother, mother, and all the attorneys, we were given custody of Elizabeth and she is now part of our family. Her grandmother (and mom) are still allowed visitation per a standard possession order but my wife and I are raising “Lizzie” along with our daughter Maddy who is now [5].

I apologize for not searching for you since, but at the Hope and Freedom retreat when ***** told me he plays at CR First Baptist, I asked him, and also ****, who the guy with “that” testimony was and how to get in contact with you. Both let me know it was probably “****” and ***** told me he would send me your contact info.

I just wanted to let you know how God worked through you and your testimony and how my life was changed forever because you had the courage to give your testimony to that particular CR group on that particular Thursday night.  I am very grateful for what you did. I am not certain how many times someone has been told how their testimony literally saved a life, but yours did!

I now have a Christian Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Ministry, Castimonia, in Katy and am still married to the love of my life, my beautiful wife Becky.  I have attached two photos, one of my two beautiful gifts from God, Maddy (4) and Lizzie (2) and one of our complete family. I believe, if I had not been at that CR meeting and you had not given your testimony, Lizzie would not be here with us today in those photos. God is amazing and I don’t always know why things happen the way they do, but I do know I can trust in Him. This is only one of the many miracles I have seen God perform in my own life.

Thank you and God bless,

Jorge

I had always been a supporter of those in the pro-life camp.  It wasn’t until I was confronted with my own sin and the possibility of taking my affair partner to have an abortion that I was truly tested.  My convictions were strong and all I could do was to stand firm and trust in God that there was a reason for the pregnancy and birth of this beautiful baby girl to two very selfish individuals.  There is a reason, I just don’t know it yet. 

What I do know is that I consider Lizzie to be my miracle child as I do Maddy.  Both have a special purpose in our lives and on this earth and both will grow up to hopefully glorify God and His mercy and grace.  I can only pray that I live long enough to see this occur with the two of them as they grow older and ask God to help me raise these two little girls in a godly home with my wife and I at the helm, following Christ down the long path of life.

By

Happily Remaried

originally posted December 1, 2012

They mocked me on tv. For weeks, I couldn’t escape the news. One man made all of us look ridiculous. Every single one of us in this unfortunate group. One golfer made his sex life news and suddenly every talk-show host, every radio personality, even newspaper columnists became “experts” on what it meant to be married to a sex addict. Questions like, “How did she NOT know?” and accusations like, “She knew the whole time.” were common. And then, even worse, were the jokes that being married to a sex addict should be fun. Well, it’s not fun. And no, we don’t always know. There is a factor of manipulation that is involved with sex addicts. They control. They limit contact. I should know. I was married to one for 6 years.

I thought I was marrying a future pastor, but I couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Within a few months, my first clues about his behavior surfaced. He assured me it was only on the internet and they’d never met in person. I was still bothered greatly, but he promised he’d cut off communication with her. And there’s more. This was the first time he condemned me… attacked me for looking at his things. He made me feel so terrible that *I* apologized to *him*. That’s when the cycle started. Every few months, I’d find more women he was contacting on Craigslist or dating sites. Every time I’d find something, he’d get angry with me until I apologized. You’d think my friends would clue me in to the irrationality of this cycle, but that’s just it. Whenever I’d start getting close to a new friend, he’d come up with a reason why I shouldn’t be friends with them and he’d end the friendship. By this point in our relationship, I was completely manipulated. I believed what he told me because I needed to believe what he told me.

Eventually, I started realizing that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I’d stumble across women he was contacting while he was asking me to fix his computer. He’d get angry at me for stumbling across things, but I wouldn’t apologize. So, he wouldn’t talk to me until I pretended that nothing had happened. This went on for a few more years until I couldn’t pretend and kept insisting that he change. I couldn’t continue to share him with his internet temptations. That’s when he’d threaten to kill himself if I didn’t drop it. So, that worked for him for a bit longer. About five and a half years into our marriage, I discovered that it wasn’t just internet behavior. It had never “just” been internet behavior. My husband had been cheating on me the whole time we’d been together… even before we got married. What followed this discovery was about a month of him admitting to what I found, denying that there was more, me finding more, him admitting to what I found and denying there was more. It was a long cycle and it finally ended when I accepted the fact that I’d never know his “number” because HE couldn’t even keep track of all the women he’d been with while we were married.

So, we moved into the next phase… where to go from there. I found an online recovery program for sex addicts. It had a sister program for spouses/partners of sex addicts. It became my saving grace. God used that program to make me stronger and allow me to rebuild myself. I dropped from 130 to 98 pounds during this time. I didn’t feel a freedom to leave him, but he disgusted me. I wanted out, but I knew that if God could change him, it would be better for my kids, so I told him that I’d stay for now as long as he got help. I couldn’t guarantee that I’d stay forever, but I wanted him to get help. This is the point where people called me weak. They said I was just scared to leave. They said I had no self-respect. But they were wrong. I wasn’t weak. I was strong. If I hadn’t been strong, I’d have run away from him long before. About three months into this new discovery, things became very clear. I was on the phone with him, when he made this statement: “Okay, here’s the deal. I’ll stay with you IF you stop checking behind me to see if I’m cheating.”

And that’s when I knew. He WASN’T going to change. He had no desire to change. And I laughed. I actually laughed. On the phone. With my sex addict husband. I was finally free to leave. There were no regrets. I walked away free and clear with no doubts and no self-blame. And I walked away knowing I did everything I could. So the next time you hear about one of us… the wife of a sex addict, think twice before you joke, belittle and ridicule. Before you call us ignorant or stupid or weak. Think about the strength we have to find just to survive. Think about how hard it must have been for that wife to put on a happy face every day. And give her the respect she deserves.

By

Castimonia Retreat Registration ONLY 2 SPOTS LEFT!!!

We have extended capacity twice and unfortunately cannot add more space due to the retreat center capacity. Therefore, the retreat is almost full and only 2 spots are remaining! Please register ASAP to guarantee your spot in the retreat.

This year’s retreat features guest speakers Thomas Berry from Jason Martinkus’ (Worthy of Her Trust) ministry Redemptive Living and Dr. Mark Denison, CSAT from There’s Still Hope.

I pray that the Lord uses this retreat to help men in their sexual purity journey.  The link to register for the retreat is written below.

Friday, November 10th – Sunday, November 12th

The Castimonia Retreat is a retreat for any man who struggles with any type of sexual purity. 

If you are wondering about whether to attend this retreat, ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you fully equipped for the spiritual battle that is raging around us right now?
  • Are you a man who strives for biblical sexual purity?
  • Are you a man who struggles with maintaining that sexual purity?
  • Do you want a circle of brothers helping you in your sexual purity journey?

Join us for a weekend dedicated to equipping adult men of all ages, all walks of life, and various levels of struggle with the tools necessary to wage this spiritual battle and emerge on the other side as the sexually pure men that God intended us to be.

At the retreat, we will discuss strategies for equipping ourselves with tactics necessary for battling the enemy. We will discover the true meaning of brotherhood and fellowship. The leaders of the retreat will set the example of vulnerability and accountability. We hope to pave the way for all men to be fully equipped to wage war against Satan’s tempting assaults and emerge VICTORIOUS.

The ultimate affirmation for all men is to hear at the end of days, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

A wise man is strong, And a man of knowledge increases power. For by wise guidance you will wage war, And in abundance of counselors there is victory. Proverbs 24:5-6

Start: November 10 – 06:00 pm (check in begins at 4pm)
End: November 12 – 1:00 pm
Organizer: Castimonia Restoration Ministry, Inc.
Email: Info@Castimonia.org
Website: http://castimonia.org/retreat 

Location:
Cat Spring Retreat Center
14852 Hall Road
Cat Spring, TX, US, 78933

http://thecatspringretreat.com/index.html

Early Registration up until September 30th – $175

Regular Registration after October 1st – November 7th  – $195

*SCHOLARSHIPS ARE AVAILABLE, PLEASE CONTACT US FOR MORE INFO

Out of state guests receive free registration upon request!!!

Full refund minus fees up to September 15th.
50% refund minus fees after September 15th and up to November 1st.
No refunds after November 1st (retreat credit)

By

Castimonia Retreat Registration ONLY 6 SPOTS LEFT!!!

The retreat is almost full and only 6 spots are remaining! Please register ASAP to guarantee your spot in the retreat.

This year’s retreat features guest speakers Thomas Berry from Jason Martinkus’ (Worthy of Her Trust) ministry Redemptive Living and Dr. Mark Denison, CSAT from There’s Still Hope.

I pray that the Lord uses this retreat to help men in their sexual purity journey.  The link to register for the retreat is written below.

Friday, November 10th – Sunday, November 12th

The Castimonia Retreat is a retreat for any man who struggles with any type of sexual purity. 

If you are wondering about whether to attend this retreat, ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you fully equipped for the spiritual battle that is raging around us right now?
  • Are you a man who strives for biblical sexual purity?
  • Are you a man who struggles with maintaining that sexual purity?
  • Do you want a circle of brothers helping you in your sexual purity journey?

Join us for a weekend dedicated to equipping adult men of all ages, all walks of life, and various levels of struggle with the tools necessary to wage this spiritual battle and emerge on the other side as the sexually pure men that God intended us to be.

At the retreat, we will discuss strategies for equipping ourselves with tactics necessary for battling the enemy. We will discover the true meaning of brotherhood and fellowship. The leaders of the retreat will set the example of vulnerability and accountability. We hope to pave the way for all men to be fully equipped to wage war against Satan’s tempting assaults and emerge VICTORIOUS.

The ultimate affirmation for all men is to hear at the end of days, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

A wise man is strong, And a man of knowledge increases power. For by wise guidance you will wage war, And in abundance of counselors there is victory. Proverbs 24:5-6

Start: November 10 – 06:00 pm (check in begins at 4pm)
End: November 12 – 1:00 pm
Organizer: Castimonia Restoration Ministry, Inc.
Email: Info@Castimonia.org
Website: http://castimonia.org/retreat 

Location:
Cat Spring Retreat Center
14852 Hall Road
Cat Spring, TX, US, 78933

http://thecatspringretreat.com/index.html

Early Registration up until September 30th – $175

Regular Registration after October 1st – November 7th  – $195

*SCHOLARSHIPS ARE AVAILABLE, PLEASE CONTACT US FOR MORE INFO

Out of state guests receive free registration upon request!!!

Full refund minus fees up to September 15th. 50% refund minus fees after September 15th and up to November 1st. No refunds after November 1st (retreat credit)

By

Jesus Christ, Friend of Sex Addicts

Jesus Christ, Friend of Sex Addicts

What an appropriate title for a blog post on Christian sexual addiction recovery. Understand that what you are about to read cannot literally be found in any Gospel in the Bible, and it is only my version of a man’s life that Jesus Christ experienced. One of the greatest gifts I have received in my own recovery is the knowledge that my “Higher Power” was right there with me at the depth of my suffering. He was there to hold my hand in the darkest of times.

Jesus witnessed sexual abuse in one of his brothers from ages 3 to 7 and observed the suffering, shame and guilt associated with these activities.  His brother grew up to become a sex addict.  Jesus was there when this boy discovered his father’s pornography collection at age 4 and began viewing pornography almost daily as well as masturbating compulsively until he entered recovery. Again, he felt for the loneliness, shame, and guilt associated with this boy’s addiction. He saw the pain of this boy’s family life and the burden of his secret that kept this boy wanting to escape, and sexual acting out was an easy way for him to escape. However, the cycle was a “Catch 22.” The more pain and suffering this boy experienced because of his sexual acting out, the more this boy wanted to medicate with sexual acting out, and then would come the guilt, shame, pain and suffering from the acting out. It was a never ending cycle! However, Jesus was there with this boy the entire time.

When this boy turned age 17 he visited his first prostitute, Jesus was with him in the room, saddened by his choices. Once the young man crossed this “flesh line,” he was hooked. Pornography was not enough for him; he needed to feel the flesh of a woman. However, this too led to an amount of shame and guilt almost unbearable to any human! Jesus knew it was wrong, he wanted this young man to stop, and turn to Him for the fulfillment of this boy’s needs, but the young man simply could not.

In college, Jesus was with this young man through all the drinking binges, drug use, and sexual acting out he did in order to dull the pain he had and was experiencing. He was there to witness the cries of pain and suffering let out by this young man, who still inside was a much wounded child.  Still this young man could not see Him, Jesus, who was right there waiting.

After beginning his professional work, this man continued to view pornography on a daily basis and act out sexually with a variety of women. Each and every time, this man felt full of shame and guilt, and felt completely empty. Why couldn’t he stop? Was this the life God, the father, wanted for him? He tore through relationships with women like pieces of tissue paper. If there was not sexual fulfillment, the relationship was almost worthless. However, because of his fear of abandonment, he chose to stay in loveless, unhealthy, and sometimes violent relationships. The fear of abandonment was gut wrenching, it went down to his core. This fear began by being left alone at such an early age. However, Jesus was with this man in those most lonely of times.

The worst pain and suffering, however, was when this man hit rock bottom. Alone, or so he thought, he prayed to God, the father to spare him this pain and suffering. He begged for help, Jesus saw how this man had destroyed his life, how his life was falling apart. This man had proved his powerlessness by engaging in unsafe and compulsive sexual behavior, over and over, even after making deals with God, the Father, to stop! His life was completely unmanageable, doing things he did not want to do anymore, losing his family, and possibly his life. Suicide was a way out for this man, so he thought. He could not face the pain and suffering anymore, the thought of taking his own life was consuming. The pain and suffering was monumental at this point, he knew things had to change, he needed help, he had to try to fix his life and repair the collateral damage done, but sometimes death seems the easier way out. The choice was his to make… And Jesus was right next to him as he made the choice, hurting for this broken man.

Psalm 34:18 (NIV) – The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

And this is where things began to change for this man. He chose the path of recovery; he was given godly advice by a Christian therapist who told him he might have a sexual addiction. He sought help for his problem and slowly began repairing the damage he had caused to himself and to others. Sometimes we all have to hit that rock bottom in order to know that the Lord is close to us and that he can redeem our life from the pit!

The idea for this post was inspired by the Casting Crowns song, “Jesus, friend of sinners” and a good friend of mine who stated in his blog the following:

“He was a totally innocent person, and yet He was made to take all our sin, and consequent suffering as penalty, so that we would not have to….He suffered like no man has ever suffered or ever will suffer in this life. Perspective is important here; He experienced suffering for literally billions of people, we can only experience suffering for ourselves and empathetically, those we love. To compare our sufferings with the sufferings that Jesus experienced is an insult to God because it minimizes what happened that day.” Read the entire blog post here.

In my view, Jesus not only suffered the wrath of God for my sins, but he also suffered for the pain and suffering associated with my sin. He was right next to me experiencing what I experienced; suffering for me while I suffered, like a father would for his son. In my addiction, my life was empty, void, apart from God. I suffered from feelings of shame, guilt, sadness, depression, suicide, anger, hatred, violence, and everything associated with my addiction. Even in the depths of my addiction, Jesus Christ was with me, he never left my side. Jesus was with all addicts throughout their lives, something we need to be mindful of in our recovery. When Jesus was crucified, he was crucified for my sins and he suffered a great deal, more than I can ever imagine. All the pain and suffering from all of humanity, addict and non-addict, placed solely on Jesus Christ so that if we believe in Him, we can have eternal life with God.

2 Corinthians 5:21 (NIV) – God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Take what you like, and leave the rest.