(Originally posted in 2012)
In Men’s Sexual Purity Recovery, Is it for you? 80/20 Principle – Part 1 I openly discussed the issue with excessive lustful thoughts and self-gratification (masturbation). In Men’s Sexual Purity Recovery, Is it for you? 80/20 Principle – Part 2 I go one level deeper into the viewing of pornography and its effects on the brain and how an addiction can quickly form. In Men’s Sexual Purity Recovery, Is it for you? 80/20 Principle – Part 3, I went further “down the scale” of sexual purity and looked at situations where a man has crossed the “flesh line” so to speak. In Part 4, I address the topic question and also address the partners of men who struggle with sexual purity issues.
Question: Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery, Is it for you?
Regardless of what stage of sexual impurity you might be in as a man, entering a proper support program is essential!
FOR THE WIVES/PARTNERS:
Question: Does my husband/partner struggle with sexual purity issues?
Answer: As a man, there is a strong possibility he does.
Remember the therapist joke in Part 1? “80% of men struggle with some sort of sexual purity issue and the 20% that say they do not, are lying.” There is a lot of truth to this “joke.”
In today’s sex-charged culture, more and more men are being tempted sexually. Next time you are at the grocery store, look at the cover or inside the magazines marketed toward men. Watch a sporting event on TV and you can see how advertisers “know” how to grab a man’s attention! How about the increase in “Sports Bars & Grills” where waitresses wear skimpy outfits? Who do you think is their target market group? (And men, these types of restaurants are NOT ok. If you visit one of these restaurants, it had better be your wife’s choice and you better be facing out the window!) The objectification of women has been normalized in our culture!
Please understand, however, that the amount of sexual purity with which your husband will struggle will vary. It may only be a struggle with lustful thoughts and fantasies, but it could also be a lot more. The key is, to allow your husband to seek support for any sexual purity issues he may have in his life. If he only struggles with “minor” lustful thoughts and actions, it is imperative that he begin receiving support before he moves on to another level of sexual purity struggle! If he struggles with more, he will find the help and support he needs to become courageous enough to step out of the shadows and into the light.
Ladies, DO NOT shame your husband because he is seeking help with his sexual purity struggles! It takes a lot more courage to open up and say, “I might have a problem” than to keep it a secret and act as if nothing is wrong.
Ladies, ask your husband if he struggles with any type of sexual purity. His answer, at a minimum, better be “sometimes or once in a while” even if he does not look at pornography or has had sex outside the marriage! If he responds, “NO or Not at all” then he is not being truly honest. And yes, having lustful thoughts is considered a sexual purity struggle.
Ladies, be open and honest about sexuality with your husband. Don’t shame him for wanting to be sexual with you (and husbands, don’t shame your wife because she doesn’t). Open a dialog about both of your thoughts and feelings on sex within the marriage. If there are extreme differences, then a third party (such as a pastor or counselor) should be brought in to mediate, ascertain, and give godly advice to both of you.
Ladies, if your husband plans to attend a Castimonia meeting, DO NOT assume he is visiting sexually oriented businesses, viewing pornography, masturbating, having an affair, or is a “Sex Addict.” Understand that Castimonia meetings are for any man that struggles with any type of sexual purity! You, the wife, should encourage your husband to attend.
At Castimonia meetings we learn tools that help us combat sexual purity issues. We learn about what real intimacy is between a husband and wife – not just physical, but, more importantly, emotional and spiritual intimacy. We learn to be open, honest, and intimate with other men and use these men to support us in our battle against sexual temptation and sexual impurity. We learn to be a “team” of warriors and not isolate ourselves. This is where the enemy wants us; alone!
So next time a Castimonia meeting is being held, wives, you need ask your husband, if they have not attended, why they are NOT going to the meeting. Encourage them to reject passivity on the subject of sexual purity and seek to be the sexually pure men that God wants them to be. Encourage them to lead courageously and be the spiritual leaders of your household as well as have the courage to speak to your children now or in the future about healthy sexuality. And encourage them to learn how to be truly intimate and love you in ways that are healthy!