by Samantha Baker

My husband has a new job, he’s out of the restaurant environment.   This is a good move, ultimately.  He’s now supervising a kitchen at the regional jail.  So, working with inmates.  He has to go through special training to work with the inmates, obviously.

I was looking through his handbook material the other day and came across this:

Manipulation is all about emotions.  Some offenders will try to manipulate you, “playing on your” emotions.  The chart below lists emotions often used by offenders to manipulate others…and appropriate responses you can use to respond, should you find yourself in such a situation.

Flattery Offender:  “Your the best staff I have.” Response:  “Thank you, but lets stick to the task at hand.”

Empathy Offender:  “My sister died of cancer; I know what you’re going through.” Response:  “My personal life is none of your business, let’s stick to the task at hand.”

Sympathy Offender:  “I don’t have any family or friends and it’s tough being locked up.” Response:  “Your personal life is none of my business, let’s stick to the task at hand.”

Helplessness Offender:  “You’re the only one that can help me through this.” Response:  “Let’s get back to the task at hand, you need to see your counselor about personal issues.”

Confidentiality Offender:  “I trust you, so don’t tell anyone or I’ll get into trouble.” Response:  “I don’t keep secrets, so what ever you tell me, I will tell my supervisor, let’s stick to the task at hand.”

Isolation Offender:  “They treat you like an XXXXX.” Response:  “That is none of your business, let’s stick to the task at hand.”

Touching or Sexual Reference Offender:  “I’m so sorry about that, I didn’t mean to do that, I apologize.” Response:  “WHOA WHOA WHOA!  You are not to touch me ever.  I’m telling my supervisor and you are being written up for this.”

Now…a little tweeking and boy could this be for ANY work environment, especially my husband and his affairs since all of his affairs were with employees.  Hell, my husband WAS THE OFFENDER as well as the giving INAPPROPRIATE responses when he received the manipulation tactics.  I’ve felt often that he used “techniques” to groom his AP’s until they then came on to him.  Now, even more so.

He’s still working on himself, his boundaries, etc.  He’s come a long way, but I still see room for improvement in that he needs to be hyper aware of boundaries.  Not get complacent.

This make it seem so simple, yet why was it so hard for him to not have boundaries?  How was it so easy to repeatedly step over boundaries on a daily basis and put himself into situations where affairs were possible?


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