As a codependent man, I have often worried about my partners cheating on me out of my core fear of abandonment. I enjoyed reading this as it hit me right between the eyes.  Worrying about my partner cheating on me is pointless and a waste of energy.  Energy that can be re-routed to become a healthier individual and improve my relationship with God and my wife.

Ask any couple what the deal breaker is in their relationship, and a vast majority will tell you that a cheating spouse is right at the top of the list. It’s easy to conceive why a cheating spouse can spell out the bitter end of what might otherwise have been a forever thing. It’s not just the physical betrayal, but also the loss of trust and the emotional infidelity… A partner being unfaithful can also trigger intense levels of depression, low self-esteem, low self-worth and feelings of abandonment for the person who was cheated on. No one wants to feel as though their partner simply found someone better than they are, that they weren’t good enough to love forever. All of this adds up to make complete sense of the fear that many people feel towards the possibility of infidelity in their relationship. But when it comes down to it, the fear of being cheated on is a personal insecurity that only you can change. Don’t get me wrong. If you’ve been cheated on before, I know it’s hard to trust again. Believe me, I’ve been there. But there comes a point when you have to stop punishing yourself and say ‘What they did was about them, not about me’. They chose to cheat because of the kind of person they are, because of the circumstances they allowed themselves to become involved in, not because you weren’t good enough. Yet, it’s hard to believe that when you’ve been betrayed and your relationship has been fractured, and you express the fear that remains with the following kinds of actions or behavior:

* Insecurity about personal looks and attributes

* Checking in on where the other person is going, or has been

* Snooping on phones, emails or internet accounts

* Constantly telling the other person that you know they will leave you for someone else

* Seeking constant reassurance

* Searching through your partners personal items or vehicle for evidence

All of these responses are understandable, but they are also complete energy and time wasters. Obsessing about your partner cheating won’t stop it from happening. From an article by Rachael Lay

“It takes two people to create a successful relationship. It only takes one person to make it fail.” – From “Truth About Deception”

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