1) – Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn’t bring up past failures. None of us is perfect. In marriage we do not always do the right thing. We have sometimes done and said hurtful things to our spouses. We cannot erase the past. We can only confess it and agree that it was wrong. We can ask for forgiveness and try to act differently in the future. Having confessed my failure and asked forgiveness, I can do nothing more to mitigate the hurt it may have caused my spouse. When I have been wronged by my spouse and she has painfully confessed it and requested forgiveness, I have the option of justice or forgiveness. If I choose justice and seek to pay her back or make her pay for her wrongdoing, I am making myself the judge and her the felon. Intimacy becomes impossible. If, however, I choose to forgive, intimacy can be restored. Forgiveness is the way of love.

2) – What is emotional intimacy? It is that deep sense of being connected to one another. It is feeling loved, respected and appreciated, while at the same time seeking to reciprocate. To feel loved is to have the sense that the other person genuinely cares about your well-being. Respect has to do with feeling that your potential spouse has positive regard for your personhood, intellect, abilities and personality. Appreciation is that inner sense that your partner values your contribution to the relationship. Two quotes by Dr. Gary Chapman author of “The Five Love Languages”

We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it. Rick Warren

Comments
  1. Who gets credit for this article and what exactly is your point anyway? You didn’t include a link to the original article and it seems incomplete. What exactly are numbers one and two in reference to? Because you didn’t give a point to the reason you wrote it, I’m left to make assumptions about what it means. Considering you blog for a mens sexual purity group, it seems to me that you have just given men an excuse to demand forgiveness from their wives and withhold intimacy until they do. This was a pathetic article filled with some many holes and I won’t even bother going into them. I don’t see how this was at all helpful to anybody.

    • Castimonia says:

      At the bottom: Two quotes by Dr. Gary Chapman author of “The Five Love Languages”

      Take what you like and leave the rest.

      Thank you,

      Jorge Castimonia.org

      • Thanks for the reply. I wasn’t sure exactly what was from Gary Chapman. I still don’t know the reason for this article.

      • Castimonia says:

        Your ministry deals with years 1 through 5 maybe? Castimonia ministers to men in years 1 through 30+. There is life after SA disclosure and not everything needs to revolve around the SA issue. Getting to a deeper understanding of our wounds is important as is getting to a better relationship with our spouses. If you stop the behavior, you still need to deal with the underlying issues, intimacy and forgiveness being a few. Forgiveness is not for the offender, it is for those that were offended so that we don’t live in anger and resentment.

        Thank you,

        Jorge Castimonia.org

  2. If your desire is to strengthen, encourage and build up the men you serve, then I would suggest a more appropriate Gary Chapman book. One that will encourage them to be humble, not entitled.
    “The Five Languages of Apology” or “When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love”

    • Castimonia says:

      Again, you deal with years 1 – 5 and Castimonia deals with years 1 – 30+.

      Understanding my wife’s love language is important in our relationship as is her understanding my love language. What I posted is important for those of us that are in years 3 – 5+ and have moved past apologizing for what we did in the past. I still occationally apologize for the trauma I caused her, when she tells me she is triggered or if I see that certain “look” from her, for any wrongs I did or may do to her but our lives do not revolve around us living like we’re walking on eggshells the way we did in years 1 and 2. I have moved past that, as has my wife, and we now live in freedom rather than fear. She is my best friend and we fight together as one, not on opposite sides. She refrains from “husband bashing” as I do from “wife bashing” and we talk out our differences with one another in a loving and understanding manner. I love her and she respects me and we understand that what is said is not always what is meant and we talk about these things rather than hold onto the incorrect information that may cause problems in the relationship.

      As always on Castimonia.org, take what you like and leave the rest.

      Thank you,

      Jorge Castimonia.org

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