There are times when I know Jeff is more prone to slip up on the road to recovery. These include when he is tired, when he is stressed and when he is lonely. I don’t travel much, but when I do it is a perfect storm for Jeff. As the lone caretaker for our two active boys while I’m out of town – the stress and exhaustion come quickly. The loneliness soon follows. Here are some things I try to do to support Jeff when I have to be away from home.
- I take his struggle seriously. I ask him about his strategy. I encourage him and affirm him.
- I try to help him find some pockets of time to recharge. Maybe that means scheduling a babysitter one evening while I’m gone so he can go to his group. Or arrange a play date so he can enjoy a few hours of quiet at the house.
- I spend time with him alone before and after the trip. No kids, no “to do” list. Whether it is a date night or just a quiet evening after putting the kids to bed, I let him know that I love him by speaking his love language.
- I leave notes of encouragement. This is something I use to do just for the boys, but Jeff loves it too. I put them on the bathroom mirror, on the front door, in dresser drawers. I want all my boys to be reminded that they are the world to me.
- I talk to him frequently while I’m out of town. I’m not a phone talker, but Jeff has shared with me that he really needs to talk to me while I’m gone. So I give him my full attention, which means I turn off the tv and the computer and focus on him. I also try to let him end the conversation, so he doesn’t feel as if I’m rushing him.
- I pray for him. I confess that I don’t do this nearly as much as I should. But I ask the Lord to keep Jeff strong, to give the boys a smooth, easy week, and to protect Jeff’s eyes from temptation. I never forget that this is a spiritual battle, which can only be fought by prayer.
Email: marsha@puritycoaching.com
She offers help to spouses of sexual strugglers through phone coaching and online spouses’ support groups.
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