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pornography

June 1, 2024 By Castimonia

In My 16 Years of Recovery

By Scott V.

In my 16 years of Recovery, my sobriety has taken on many different appearances. The early
stages kept me looking over my shoulder to detect who was keeping an eye on me and
watching each step that I was taking. This was a result of growing up in a small town and so
many people knowing my family, I found myself living a double life. This was a life of hiding my
emotions and not allowing others to see who I really was. I did not even know myself.

In the earlier years of my life, I found myself feeling uncomfortable while I received feedback on
how others saw me. The uncertainty of how my actions were being interpreted by my peers kept
me in a constant state of shame. I avoided strong emotions because my family would tell me
quite often that I could be read like a book. So, I started pushing them down internally and
trying to not show my feelings. I would not be willing to share intimate things about my feelings
with my peers, this would force me to be vulnerable and make me feel weak. I felt that if others
knew the “real me”, they wouldn’t like me.

UK-Rehab published an article on their website a short time ago that gave me additional
information of what Emotional Sobriety looked like for people that struggle with items in their life.
They showed eight signs that allow us to see if someone is on the right track in his/her recovery:

  1. You are living more in the moment.
  2. You do not have the need to run away from life.
  3. You spend more time thinking about others.
  4. You are no longer interested in any mind-altering substances.
  5. You appreciate all the good in your life.
  6. You tend to have a positive outlook on life.
  7. You rarely experience strong emotions.
  8. You find it easy to regulate your own behaviors.

Many people see recovery as simply deciding to stop using a substance and committing to long-
term sobriety. This is far from the truth. Recovering from substance abuse and addiction
involves many different things, and sobriety is just one part of recovery. When I was introduced
to the idea of developing my own Relapse Prevention plan, I began to avoid putting myself in
situations that tempted me to fall back into my previous ways of life. I began to not sit idle on
the couch and look at the television. Keeping my mind engaged in reading books that
encouraged me and challenged me to remain aware of things that took place coming for the
dark side of my past. I began to read my Bible more often and spent more time in prayer to my
God helped me avoid an idle mind. In 2014, I began to throw disc golf. This was an exchange
for several habits that I had in a previous stage of life. I was introduced in my first Step Study to
replace old habits with new ones that kept my mind occupied.

I am employed by a treatment center in North Central Arkansas and have the opportunity to
spend time with adolescent males and build relationships with those that are open to
connection. I find myself working my steps daily and am constantly looking inward to gain an
understanding of the man that my God intends me to be. Currently, I am addressing my Step 12
and how I can put back into the program that has helped me over the past 15+ years. Every
morning, I spend at least 1 hour sitting with my wife and continue to examine my inner self to be
the best husband, father & granddad that I can be. I hope that I continue to have the
opportunity to attend weekly meetings and God continues to place people on my path to give
service to.

I am appreciative for the opportunity to add back into the program that has helped me in so
many ways.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, castimonia, christian, porn, pornography, recovery, Sex, sex addiction, sexual purity

May 8, 2024 By Castimonia

The Paradox of Porn Addiction: It Almost Works. Almost

Originally posted at: https://sexuallypuremen.beehiiv.com/p/paradox-porn-addiction-almost-works-almost

By Eddie Capparucci, Ph.D., LPC, C-CSAS

In the digital age, pornography has become increasingly accessible, offering a quick fix for those seeking relief from emotional discomfort or stress. Yet, while it may provide temporary satisfaction, its allure often masks a deeper problem: addiction. So, what is the psychology behind this endless pursuit of emotional comfort that has fleeting benefits?

I believe three factors contribute to the allure of addictive behaviors such as pornography:

1. Emotional triggers

2. Depletion of mental, emotional, and physical energy

3. The burning desire to escape from emotional discomfort.

These negative influences create a sense of mental and emotional imbalance in our lives, prompting us to seek pleasurable stimulation to restore our equilibrium—this concept is known as homeostasis.

At its core, homeostasis is the body’s natural inclination to maintain stability and well-being across all systems. When faced with emotional distress, this balance is disrupted, leading to a cascade of negative thoughts and emotions. Pornography, with its promise of instant gratification, serves as a counterbalance to this discomfort, offering a reprieve from pain and stress.

Therefore, one could argue that pornography works to stabilize emotional distress. Well, it almost works.

You see, there is a major inherent flaw in this cycle of addiction. While porn may temporarily alleviate emotional distress, its effects are short-lived. Once the euphoria of participating in the pursuit of the optimal image or video, we are often left grappling with feelings of shame, guilt, and further emotional turmoil. Far from restoring equilibrium, pornography perpetuates a cycle of dependency and negative self-perception.

It almost works. Almost.

The paradox of porn addiction lies in its ability to offer a semblance of balance while ultimately exacerbating the very problems it seeks to alleviate. So, while providing fleeting moments of relief, the consequences of its use far outweigh the perceived benefits.

This serves as a poignant reminder of the complex relationship between pleasure and pain in the realm of addiction. While pornography may offer a temporary escape from emotional discomfort, its long-term consequences underscore the importance of seeking healthier coping mechanisms and addressing underlying issues.

__________________________________________________________________

Eddie Capparucci is a licensed professional counselor certified in treating Problematic Sexual Behaviors. Among his many clients, Eddie has worked with professional athletes, including NFL and MLB players and television personalities. He is the creator of the Inner Child Model™ for treating PSBs. He is the author of

  • Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction
  • Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots
  • Understanding the Inner Child and Overcoming Addiction
  • Going Deeper for Women: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Love & Sex Addiction
  • Removing Your Shame Label: Learning to Break From Shame and Feel God’s Love. 

He is the administrator of the websites www.MenAgainstPorn.org and www.SexuallyPureMen.com. Over the years, he has spoken to numerous organizations regarding the harmful impact pornography has on individuals, relationships, and society. He hosts a monthly webcast: Getting to the Other Side: Helping Couples Navigate the Road to Recovery. You can learn more about his Inner Child Model at www.innerchild-sexaddiction.com.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, porn, pornography, recovery, sex addiction

April 30, 2024 By Castimonia

Codependency: Exploring the Thin Line Between Being Alone and Being Lonely

Originally posted at: https://theonlinetherapist.blog/codependency-exploring-the-thin-line-between-being-alone-and-being-lonely/

Human relationships are intricate, delicate, and intrinsically consequential facets of existence. The associations we establish with others, be they platonic, romantic, or familial, are of paramount importance in influencing our emotional welfare. Within the complex web of relationships at play, a differentiation can be observed between the states of loneliness and solitude, with codependency serving as the pivotal factor in this contrast. Codependency is a psychological and sociological construct that emphasises the interconnectedness and frequently detrimental dynamics that exist within interpersonal connections. Without providing an explicit definition, this article examines the complex web of codependency in order to determine how it affects the experience of solitude and loneliness.

The most basic definition of loneliness is the sensation of being estranged or separated from others. It has the capability to manifest in a congested room, as its effectiveness is not exclusively determined by physical proximity. Loneliness is a profoundly psychological and emotional experience that penetrates an individual’s being, evoking feelings of unease, melancholy, and an intense desire for significant interpersonal bonds. Nevertheless, the experience of loneliness is not exclusively associated with physical isolation.

Codependent relationships frequently flourish when one or both partners experience feelings of isolation and solitude. Within such interpersonal relationships, members may develop an unhealthy dependence on one another for emotional support, validation, and a sense of direction. Individuals may develop a dread of solitude, and their sense of value may become heavily dependent on the presence and approval of a significant other.

Codependent relationships obscure the distinction between solitude and loneliness. Despite being physically separated, individuals who have centred their emotional lives on their companion or loved one may still experience profound loneliness. Devoid of the other individual, they experience a profound sense of isolation and desolation, which exacerbates their loneliness.

Individuals who suffer from codependency may find it difficult to cultivate a robust sense of self-reliance and autonomy. Because their identity and contentment have become excessively dependent on external factors, particularly their codependent partner, they might find solitude to be challenging. As a result, the experience of solitude endures in their minds even in the absence of corporeal companionship, establishing itself a perpetual companion.

In contrast to loneliness, being alone is characterised by the positive and enlightening experience of being physically alone. This presents an occasion for introspection, individual development, and the restoration of one’s emotional reserves. Rather than experiencing feelings of isolation or disconnection, solitude entails appreciating the companionship of one’s own as a vital component of a satisfying existence.

Solitude and codependency are contrasting extremes on the emotional spectrum. Individuals in codependent relationships may find solitude to be an intimidating prospect. Individuals experience anxiety and unease at the thought of being alone because it forces them to confront their deepest fears and insecurities, which they have repressed due to their codependent partner’s constant presence.

Individuals who are ensnared in codependency frequently perceive their emotional vacancy and the fragility of their self-identity in solitude. This experience may serve as a sobering awakening, compelling them to acknowledge the degree to which they have neglected their authentic selves in an effort to fulfil the desires of their partner. Therefore, solitude is no longer a source of consolation but rather a formidable obstacle.

In order to overcome alienation and loneliness within the framework of codependency, it is imperative that individuals undertake a process of introspection and development. Overcoming codependent patterns requires an individual to redefine their personal identity and develop the ability to appreciate solitude as a chance to rejuvenate and recover.

In order to liberate oneself from codependency, it is imperative to commence with a process of self-reflection and cultivate self-awareness. It is imperative for individuals to acknowledge the cognitive and behavioural patterns that underpin their codependent inclinations. This entails recognising and acknowledging the fears, insecurities, and emotional traumas that form the foundation of their reliance on others for approval and joy.

Codependent individuals frequently encounter difficulties when it comes to establishing and upholding healthy boundaries within their interpersonal connections. Recognising and regulating one’s personal space is critical in the process of reclaiming one’s identity and alleviating the dread of solitude. The establishment of healthy boundaries facilitates an environment that is secure for individual development and exploration of oneself.

Codependency frequently originates from an absence of self-compassion and low self-esteem. Mastering self-love and self-care is an essential component in mitigating the apprehension associated with solitude. Self-compassion enables individuals, even when they are alone, to be nurturing and kind to themselves.

As individuals advance in their quest to liberate themselves from codependency, they initiate a transformation in their understanding of seclusion. They begin to perceive it not as a vacuum to be filled or a reminder of their isolation, but as a chance to develop personally and discover more about themselves.

Self-Care and Self-Reflection: In moments of solitude, people engage in self-care practices that promote the health of their bodies, minds, and emotions. Engaging in self-reflection facilitates the acquisition of profound insights pertaining to one’s desires, values, and aspirations.

Personal Development and Growth Solitude provides an environment that is conducive to personal development and growth. It affords individuals the opportunity to engage in pastimes, interests, and passions that might have been disregarded throughout codependent partnerships. Engaging in this process of self-discovery cultivates feelings of satisfaction and direction.

Emotional Independence: Individuals who successfully overcome codependency gradually cultivate emotional independence. By developing the ability to validate themselves and discover inner happiness, they diminish their dependence on external validation and approbation.

Cultivating Positive Relationships: As people mature emotionally and cultivate a more robust sense of self, they enhance their capacity to establish harmonious and health-conscious partnerships. They can enter relationships from a position of strength rather than one of desperation when they are in solitude.

A profound distinction exists between loneliness and being alone in the context of codependency. When codependency is present, loneliness becomes an ingrained and enduring sentiment that surpasses mere physical proximity. Codependent individuals experience an unfulfilled emotional vacancy, even in the presence of others who are not physically present.

Conversely, solitude, which was previously regarded with apprehension within the codependent framework, undergoes a significant metamorphosis into a potent instrument for introspection, restoration, and development. By transforming it into a wellspring of resilience and self-determination, it empowers people to liberate themselves from codependency and construct more positive, satisfying connections.

In essence, gaining a comprehensive comprehension of the complexities surrounding codependency and its ramifications on the sensations of isolation and seclusion may constitute a pivotal stride towards a more genuine, harmonious, and emotionally gratifying existence.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: codependency, pornography, recovery, sex addiction, sexual, sexual purity

April 22, 2024 By Castimonia

Castimonia Founder Testimony in Pearland – April 25th

Please join us this Thursday, April 25th at our Thursday night Pearland, TX meeting to hear our Founder, Jorge, give his testimony to the group.

Thursday Night
Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: St. Andrews Episcopal Church
Room 106
2535 E. Broadway St.
Pearland, TX 77581
Contact: Nathan C 806.440.6821

Filed Under: General Meeting Information Tagged With: castimonia, pornography, recovery, Sex, sex addiction, sexual, sexual purity

March 5, 2024 By Castimonia

How Porn Can Fuel and Normalize Teen Dating Violence

Originally posted at: https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-can-normalize-violence-in-teen-dating-relationships

Porn teaches toxic lessons to teens. In discussions about teen dating violence, we can’t forget how porn both fuels and normalizes sexual violence.

Although it’s not often discussed, nearly 1 in 12 teens reports experiencing physical dating violence, according to a 2019 survey.1

Even less talked about is the fact that pornography plays a role in informing teens’ understanding of sex and relationships in unhealthy ways.2 In fact, even though many teens report learning about sex from porn, research suggests that porn may be making teens more sexually illiterate.3

Research also suggests that as little as 35.0% and as much as 88.2% of popular porn scenes contain physical violence or aggression, and that women are the targets of violence approximately 97% of the time.45

What is this teaching young people about sex?

Porn’s role in abuse

Reviews of the research on this topic reveal that porn can influence adolescents’ sexual attitudes and behavior, and can even play a role in increased sexual aggression.67

In fact, dozens and dozens of studies show a direct link between porn and increased sexual aggression, showing that porn consumption is a significant predictor of committing acts of sexual violence.8910

Additionally, research suggests that increased porn consumption is associated with men’s enjoyment of degrading and/or sexually aggressive behaviors.11

As one young person said in a recent study about porn’s influence on adolescents:

“My friend tried to choke his girlfriend once when they were having sex because he had seen it in a porno… it ended with the girlfriend slapping him and when he asked why she slapped him she said, ‘Because you were choking me.’” -Nicholas, 16, Glasgow12

Another increasingly common form of dating violence is image-based abuse, sometimes called “revenge porn.”

With this in mind, it’s important to remember that:

  • Any explicit content of a minor is legally considered “child pornography.”
  • According to the Internet Watch Foundation, approximately 1/3 of child sexual abuse images are originally shared by the depicted minors themselves.13
  • According to a longitudinal study on the topic, porn use significantly predicted more willingness to forward sexts nonconsensually.14
  • 1 in 3 underage teens say they have seen nonconsensually shared nudes of other minors.15
  • 1 in 12 U.S. adults report being victims of nonconsensual porn and 1 in 20 have been perpetrators of spreading it.16
You deserve to feel safe

Teens learn about sex from porn, but porn teaches toxic lessons. In discussions about teen dating violence, we can’t forget how porn both fuels and normalizes sexual violence.

Sexual violence is never a requirement to be a fulfilling, exciting partner. Everyone deserves to make their own decisions about sex, free from what porn dictates as being normal or required.

Everyone deserves to be in intimate dating relationships where they feel respected, valued, and safe. 

Citations

1Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Division of Adolescent and School Health. (2021). Youth risk behavior survey: Data summary & trends report 2009-2019. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/data/yrbs/pdf/YRBSDataSummaryTrendsReport2019-508.pdf

2British Board of Film Classification. (2020). Young people, pornography & age-verification. BBFC. Retrieved from https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-classification/research

3Wright, P. J., Tokunaga, R. S., Herbenick, D., & Paul, B. (2021). Pornography vs. sexual science: The role of pornography use and dependency in U.S. teenagers’ sexual illiteracy., 1-22. doi:10.1080/03637751.2021.1987486

4Fritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A Descriptive Analysis of the Types, Targets, and Relative Frequency of Aggression in Mainstream Pornography. Archives of sexual behavior, 49(8), 3041–3053. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0

5Bridges, A. J., Wosnitzer, R., Scharrer, E., Sun, C., & Liberman, R. (2010). Aggression and sexual behavior in best-selling pornography videos: a content analysis update. Violence against women, 16(10), 1065–1085. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801210382866

6Koletić G. (2017). Longitudinal associations between the use of sexually explicit material and adolescents’ attitudes and behaviors: A narrative review of studies. Journal of adolescence, 57, 119–133. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2017.04.006

7Peter, J., & Valkenburg, P. M. (2016). Adolescents and pornography: A review of 20 years of research. 53(4-5), 509-531. doi:10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

8Wright, P. J., Tokunaga, R. S., & Kraus, A. (2016). A meta-analysis of pornography consumption and actual acts of sexual aggression in general population studies. Journal of Communication, 66(1), 183-205. doi:10.1111/jcom.12201

9Peter, J., & Valkenburg, P. M. (2016). Adolescents and pornography: A review of 20 years of research. 53(4-5), 509-531. doi:10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

10Goodson, A., Franklin, C. A., & Bouffard, L. A. (2021). Male peer support and sexual assault: The relation between high-profile, high school sports participation and sexually predatory behaviour.27(1), 64-80. doi:10.1080/13552600.2020.1733111

11Ezzell, M. B., Johnson, J. A., Bridges, A. J., & Sun, C. F. (2020). I (dis)like it like that: Gender, pornography, and liking sex. J.Sex Marital Ther., 46(5), 460-473. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2020.1758860

12British Board of Film Classification. (2020). Young people, pornography & age-verification. BBFC. Retrieved from https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-classification/research

13Internet Watch Foundation. (2021). The annual report 2020: Self-generated child sexual abuse. Retrieved from https://annualreport2020.iwf.org.uk/trends/international/selfgenerated

14van Oosten, J., & Vandenbosch, L. (2020). Predicting the Willingness to Engage in Non-Consensual Forwarding of Sexts: The Role of Pornography and Instrumental Notions of Sex. Archives of sexual behavior, 49(4), 1121–1132. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-01580-2

15Thorn. (2020). Thorn research: Understanding sexually explicit images, self-produced by children. Retrieved from https://www.thorn.org/blog/thorn-research-understanding-sexually-explicit-images-self-produced-by-children/

16Ruvalcaba, Y., & Eaton, A. A. (2020). Nonconsensual pornography among U.S. adults: A sexual scripts framework on victimization, perpetration, and health correlates for women and men. Psychology of Violence, 10(1), 68–78. https://doi.org/10.1037/vio0000233

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: porn, pornography, Sex, sex addiction, sexual

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Castimonia Restoration Ministry, Inc. is a 501c3 non-profit organization


This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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