CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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NEW STEP GROUP – Starting in May

Our founder, Jorge, will be leading his seventh step study group starting in May.

The group lasts for about 12 to 18 months and you will go through all the steps including the pre-step and post-step work in the Castimonia book. 

They will meet every week on Saturday mornings from 8:00am to 9:55am before the 10am Saturday Castimonia meeting in Katy. There is no cost to join the group but you must purchase a copy of the Castimonia book, 2nd edition.  Out of town guests will be able to use Zoom to join the group if they cannot attend in person. Houston-area members will need to attend in person.

This group takes a strong, long term commitment and is great for those ready to work the steps and have the Lord change their lives.

Please have any interested individuals contact Jorge at jorge@castimonia.org.

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Discovering Who You Are: A Guide to Personal Growth

Originally posted at: https://theonlinetherapist.blog/discovering-who-you-are-a-guide-to-personal-growth/

The process of discovering who you are as an individual is a journey that requires you to delve deeply into your own ideas, values, ambitions, and goals, and to carve out a path that is congruent with who you truly are. This trip, despite the fact that it is exclusive to each individual, has the ability to bring about tremendous fulfilment, even if it frequently necessitates coming face to face with unsettling realities along the road.

Understanding the significance of this quest is the first step in the process. Regardless of the external accomplishments they have achieved, a significant number of individuals embark on the journey of self-discovery because they experience a sense of disconnection from themselves or a continuous feeling of unfulfillment. It is possible that some people discover that they are conducting their life in accordance with the expectations of others, whether those expectations are those of their family, friends, or society as a whole. Your ability to recognise this underlying reason will infuse the journey with a sense of purpose, which will increase the likelihood that you will remain dedicated to the journey, particularly when the path becomes difficult.

In order to gain a foundational understanding of yourself, it is essential to reflect on your fundamental principles. The guiding principles that determine what is essential to you are known as values. Values have the ability to influence your decisions and shape your perspective of the world. However, as adults, it is crucial to decide whether these values actually connect with us or whether they were accepted simply out of convenience or expectation. Some of us inherit principles from our childhood, but whether or not these values truly resonate with us is essential. Consider the beliefs you hold regarding the most fundamental parts of life, such as work, relationships, honesty, and personal integrity, and spend some time reflecting on those beliefs. Ask yourself: What are my beliefs concerning the world? Which type of person do I hope to become in the future? These reflections help you gain clarity regarding your inner motivations, which in turn enables you to make decisions that are in line with who you truly are.

When it comes to this path, embracing isolation can be an extremely helpful tool. When we are continuously surrounded by other people, it is simple to embrace their viewpoints, preferences, and attitudes, even if it means doing so at the price of our own. You can allow yourself the space to listen to your ideas and wants without being influenced by anything outside of yourself if you spend time by yourself. At first, this seclusion may feel strange or even uncomfortable; yet, it frequently provides insights about who you are behind the societal duties and expectations that you have placed on yourself. You can add a concrete dimension to your inner investigations by keeping a journal during these peaceful periods. Journaling can help you capture your ideas and reveal patterns or themes over time for you to discover.

The process of self-discovery also includes the examination of your interests and hobbies. Take into consideration the pursuits or subjects that pique your interest, the ones that you could pursue for a considerable amount of time without becoming bored. These passions are often indicators of your true self since they reflect the things that provide you happiness and a sense of accomplishment or satisfaction. If you are unsure of what you are passionate about, you should try out new activities or go back and look at previous interests from your youth. When you give yourself permission to be open to exploration, you may find that it leads to discoveries that have a profound resonance with who you are.

In addition to this, it is vital to conduct a checklist of your strengths and weaknesses. It is essential to recognise not just the abilities that are unique to you but also the areas in which you may have difficulty or where you may need improvement. Your ability to see oneself as a complex and multi-faceted individual can be facilitated by adopting this balanced perspective, which can lead to self-acceptance. A person can increase their self-confidence by identifying their strengths, while understanding their deficiencies enables them to address those weaknesses in an honest and compassionate manner. The process of embracing one’s entire self is an essential component of this journey, as it helps to cultivate a sense of authenticity that is liberating and empowering.

A further essential ability in the process of discovering who you are is the ability to establish boundaries. When you begin to develop a more distinct understanding of your own beliefs, passions, and requirements, it is imperative that you safeguard this developing sense of self. You are able to say “no” when something does not connect with who you are because boundaries provide you the ability to do so. This could be a duty that feels forced or a relationship that completely drains you. The space that they generate is essential for personal development and self-respect, since they enable you to prioritise the things that are most important to you rather than being tugged in every way by demands from the outside world.

It is also beneficial to acknowledge the significance of having compassion for oneself. Discovering oneself may be a complicated process, and it is easy to pass judgement on oneself when one discovers aspects of oneself that are less desirable. It’s possible that you would come to the realisation that you’ve made decisions that aren’t in line with your principles, or that you’ve been harbouring beliefs that are no longer beneficial to you. When going through this process, be kind to yourself. Embrace the concept that the process of self-discovery is a learning experience, and that growth frequently results from reviewing mistakes with compassion rather than criticism.

Getting motivation from other people who have been through experiences that are comparable to your own can also be helpful. Through activities such as reading books, listening to podcasts, or following thought leaders who place an emphasis on self-discovery, you might be exposed to fresh viewpoints and skills that may resonate with your own personal experience. You should keep in mind, however, that imitation is not the same thing as inspiration. Replicating the journey of another person is not the objective; rather, the objective is to gain understanding that will enrich your own journey.

As you get a deeper awareness of who you are, you might think about establishing personal goals that accurately reflect your own aspirations rather than conforming to the expectations of society. These objectives may centre on aspects such as one’s work, personal development, interpersonal connections, or creative endeavours. By establishing meaningful objectives for yourself, you may give your life a sense of purpose and enable yourself to make decisions that are in line with who you truly are, rather than simply following conventional milestones or merely drifting along.

As part of the process of self-discovery, it is necessary to acknowledge that the journey is not yet complete. Because you are always changing, the things that you believe to be true at the moment may shift as a result of fresh experiences and new perspectives. Instead of feeling pressurised to arrive at a definitive version of “you,” embrace this flexibility as a natural aspect of the growth process. Being in tune with oneself is not about reaching a predetermined destination; rather, it is about cultivating a relationship with oneself that lasts a lifetime and grows more profound over time.

Creating a life that is reflective of your values, strengths, passions, and unique perspective is the ultimate goal of discovering who you are as an individual. In order to walk into the person you truly are, it is necessary to separate yourself from the layers of expectations that are forced on you by other people and by society. Despite the fact that it is difficult, this trip is extremely gratifying, and it gives you the ability to live your life with a feeling of purpose, self-assurance, and inner satisfaction. You can create a deeper understanding of yourself by engaging in activities such as introspection, isolation, investigation, and self-compassion. This will allow you to embrace both the light and shadow that are contained within you, and you will be able to navigate life from a place of authenticity and self-respect.

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Five Strategies to Quit P*rn That Don’t Work

Originally posted at: https://thehealingheromovement.com/2024/09/09/five-strategies-to-quit-prn-that-dont-work/

Here are five strategies to quit p*rn that do not work.

1.) Try Harder

You buckle down, make promises to yourself that you will stop, and “white knuckle” your way to freedom. You tell yourself, “this will be the last time.” You delete the apps or change your devices or try to avoid circumstances where you are alone. You might experience a brief period of sobriety, but the addiction comes back. The temptation is too much, and you succumb to the ritual. You act out. You tell yourself, “THAT was FOR SURE the last time.” You try harder, but eventually act out again.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Trying harder does not work.

2.) Self Punish

You punish yourself in the hopes that more discipline is the way to freedom. Maybe you put a rubber band on your wrist and flick it every time you have a “bad thought.” Maybe you give money away to a charitable cause every time you act out. Maybe you deprive yourself of good things in the hopes that your self-inflicted wounds would motivate you to change. But nothing changes. Eventually you act out again, only this time you feel even worse. You move into further isolation. You start to hate yourself and grow a little more hopeless. You feel shame and you repeat the process.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Punishing yourself does not work.

3.) Perform Spritually

You focus intensely on spiritual practices. You go to church more. You pray more. You memorize scripture. You make promises to God and your spiritual leaders. You attend special church services for healing and delivery. You feel great about your efforts and rightfully put your hope in God to free you from unwanted sexual behavior. You put forth your “best self” in front of others. You create and display an image that you are a “good Christian,” but deep down you feel shame about your addiction. But before you know it, you are fighting with yourself once again. The lust returns. You act out. You feel immense shame. You confess and apologize to God, and you vow to change… again. Spirituality is an important component of a comprehensive approach to healing, but “trying harder through spiritual practices” or “creating an image” you think God or others would like does not work. It certainly did not work for me. How has it worked out for you?

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Performing spiritually does not work.

4.) Rely on Software Blockers

You download accountability software on your devices to “block” you from accessing p*rn. You might even give someone else the password so that you have “no way” of messing with the settings. Ok, you can’t access your go-to sites, and you now have a new challenge in front of you. As your intense desires and temptations come to the surface, your brain steps into search mode. You begin to surf around the edges to find material that “satisfies the craving.” You become more and more creative with your searches and find new ways to circumvent the blocking software. You quickly realize that there is always a way to find sexual material in this ever complex digital world. Blocking access to certain sites or apps can be a helpful tool when starting out and as part of a comprehensive plan to pursue healing and integrity, but be honest with yourself. The blocker does not solve your problems. You still act out.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Relying on software blockers alone does not work.

5.) Rely on an Accountability Partner

You get an accountability partner. This sounds like a good strategy – and it can be – but our definition of what an accountability partner is needs to change. In many circles, an accountability partner is someone you recruit as a trusted ally with whom you can disclose every time you act out. You give them a call or shoot them a text when you mess up. They act as a “cop” to oversee your behaviors. The reality is, the relationship is a setup for deception. Before you know it, you just end up lying to them and to yourself. The shame and hopelessness is too much to bear, and you keep the truth to yourself. It’s a heavy truth. It’s a heavy shame. You continue to act out in secret.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. This type of accountability does not work.

So what DOES work?!

Ok, so what DOES work? How do we gain lasting freedom from unwanted sexual behavior?

The problem with all these strategies is that they fail to get to the root of the problem. These are surface level attempts to stop a behavior. To truly experience healing and freedom, we need to uncover and address the root issues that are driving the behavior in the first place.

Why do you struggle with unwanted sexual behavior? This is such a powerful and revealing question.

When I was deep in my addiction, I answered the question by saying something along the lines of, “because I’m a sicko,” or “because I am not strong enough to stop.”

WRONG. That is not why we struggle with unwanted sexual behavior.

Sexual addictions are not about sex. Your unwanted sexual behavior is a symptom of unresolved emotional needs and wounds beneath the surface of your life – oftentimes beneath the surface of your own consciousness.

Until you identify the root issues behind your struggle, all these attempts will have short lasting impact. Trying to resolve your struggle with these strategies is like trying to use Neosporin to fix organ failure. It won’t work.