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Sex

October 28, 2023 By Castimonia

Video – Interview with Serial Killer Ted Bundy by James Dobson

Originally posted January 16, 2013

February 15, 1978 – serial killer Ted Bundy was arrested in Florida
While in prison, he admitted to raping & killing more than 30 women and girls.
He was suspected of committing over 50 murders.
July 31, 1979 – he was convicted and sentenced to death.
After 10 years in prison, Ted Bundy chose to share one message with Dr. James Dobson.
This is the entire interview of Ted Bundy with Dr. James Dobson, sharing about how it all began with his discovery of pornography!
January 24, 1989 – at 7:15am, the morning after this interview, Ted Bundy was executed.

Attached via the link below is chapter 8 from a booklet titled Porn-Again Christian by Mark Driscol that has an edited transcript of the interview in the video above.

Ted Bundy Edited Interview Transcript

Ted Bundy COMPLETE Interview Transcript

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: porn, pornography, Sex, sex addiction, sexual

October 24, 2023 By Castimonia

Is Pornography Destructive to a Marriage?

Originally posted December 16, 2012

by Samantha Baker

This has come up a lot in my world in the past year.  I used to be some what on the fence about it.  I kind of felt, what other people do in their marriage is fine…I kind of don’t appreciate it in mine…but…if I don’t really think about it, it’s not there.

But my thinking has changed a lot.  And now I’m off the fence and my feet are planted firmly on the ground.  My stance, is yes.  I believe that pornography can absolutely be destructive to a marriage/relationship.

Now, I know most men feel differently.  They don’t see much harm in it, if any at all.  Men are more visual.  Men need an outlet. Men sometimes, just need it to relieve stress.  What’s the harm????

But, there can be just so much harm.  Now I get that some women are absolutely fine with it, and some even choose to participate.  And kudos to you.  But that isn’t a majority of women.  I think some women go along with it to please their spouse/SO.  I think some feel they need to agree to it, in effort to keep their spouse/SO from cheating (HA!), and some aren’t given a choice.  Plainly put, I don’t think many women really are “ok” with porn.  Not even the ones performing in it.

For my marriage, it absolutely has been destructive.  To the point, that it’s now become a deal breaker.  Yes, I know, that’s pretty bold.  But, I had to draw my line in the sand, and I have.  Because you see, it became an addiction for my husband.  One that he still won’t even admit.  It came between us.  It made it so that there was less closeness and intimacy.  It became more about a sexual act than making love.  And it has had lasting effects on us.  Things that can’t be fixed over night.

When one starts hiding the fact that they are looking at porn on a daily basis, or lying, or covering it up in effort to hide it, it’s gone too far.  When they start treating you like an object instead of a whole person that is to be treated with love and respect, it’s gone too far. When one starts to prefer porn to their partner, it’s gone too far.  It should have never gotten to those places to begin with.

In my perfectly not so humble opinion, the way to avoid the above?  Is to not have it in your life at all.  And this is something I have required of my husband now.  Because I’ve realized, that for our marriage, there is no middle ground.  There is no, well you can look once in awhile.  It has to be none at all.  Otherwise, it will end my marriage.  Because the damage it has already caused is too deep.  I can not let it cause any more.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, porn, pornography, recovery, Sex, sex addiction, sexual, sexual purity

October 15, 2023 By Castimonia

The Repentant Prayer of a Sinner

Originally posted November 15, 2012

I read the prayer below on another website and thought I’d share it with y’all.  I’ve used it many times since I first read it!  I hope it helps you as much as it has helped (and is helping) me.

The repentant prayer of a sinner.

Hi Good people, I have been thinking and there are sometimes during the journey to recovery, our sinful nature leads us into temptation. I would like to share a prayer from the deepest part of my heart.

Redemption prayer:
Oh God, why?
Why do I have to go through this again?
How many times will my eyes lead me to fall?
How come my eyes crave for a peep?
Why do I long to get one more touch?
She is someone else’s daughter, sister, mother.
Why do I objectify women, through a weird fetish?
Why am I overcome by evil?
Why Oh God, do I defile my body through my eyes?
Why is sin so sweet, but only for a moment?
I do not want to do this any more,
I surrender the struggle to you,
I repent of lust of the eyes,
I repent of lust of this damned flesh,
I repent of every hint of sexual immorality I have fallen to.
Wash me with the blood of Jesus.
Purify my heart, mind and body.
You are all I need Jesus,
You are my only true satisfaction,
My saviour, my deliver, my Lord.
Oh God, I pray that you teach me,
Teach me your ways,
Teach how to love you more,
Teach me how to hate sin,
Teach me how to hide the word in my heart,
I desire to give you my all,
I make a covenant with my eyes,
Not to look at any woman lustfully,
So please help me God.
The devil and all his ways were defeated on the cross,
Equip me to battle,
Equip me with God’s full armor (Eph 6)
In Jesus name I pray.

Please see this link on real repentance http://www.joncourson.com/teaching/teachingsplay.asp?teaching=S609

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, christian, porn, pornography, recovery, Sex, sex addiction, sexual

October 7, 2023 By Castimonia

Getting Past Your Past: Q&A with Therapist Francine Shapiro

For those of us in recovery that includes EMDR for our childhood trauma, this is a great article/interview to read from the originator of EMDR.

Getting Past Your Past: Q&A with Therapist  Francine Shapiro

In a new self-help book, Shapiro offers instruction for  dealing with negative emotions by using a tried-and-true therapy for PTSD.

By Maia Szalavitz | @maiasz | April 18,  2012 |

Psychologist Francine Shapiro was a Ph.D. student when she first discovered  in 1987 that moving her eyes in a certain way could take the emotional sting out  of disturbing thoughts. Pressing her friends and acquaintances into service, she  tried the technique on them and soon after conducted the first randomized  controlled trial of the therapy in people with post-traumatic stress disorder  (PTSD).

Today, Shapiro’s treatment — known as eye movement desensitization and  reprocessing (EMDR) — is one of the most effective known therapies for PTSD. It  looks strange because it involves therapists directing clients’ eye movements by  waving their hands or tapping, but dozens of randomized controlled trials have  demonstrated that it works.

Healthland spoke with Shapiro about her new book, Getting Past Your  Past, which offers self-help methods based on EMDR.

Why did you decide to write this book?

It’s so important for people to realize that there’s help and [not] think  that therapy has to be about years and years of talk.

People are walking around wounded and not understanding why they’re  responding the way they are to the world. They are not understanding why they’re  having negative feelings like ‘I’m not loveable, I’m not good enough,’ because  of these unprocessed memories that they might not even remember. What happens is  that when you get triggered, you get the emotions, but not the images, and then  you buy into it.

When you’re feeling stuck, when you have negative beliefs about yourself — that’s not the cause of the problem, it’s the symptom. All those negative  thoughts that push you into acting in ways that don’t serve you or prevent you  from doing the things that you want — the basis is these unprocessed  memories.

How did you first come up with EMDR?

I was using my mind and body as a laboratory to see what things worked.  Around the time that I needed to do a dissertation, I was walking along one day  and I noticed that some disturbing thoughts I was having were suddenly  disappearing. When I thought to bring them back, they didn’t have the same  charge any more.

What thoughts were you having?

I can’t remember! But what caught my attention was that they were the kind of  thoughts that you generally had to do something about [in order to make them go  away]. I started paying close attention and I noticed that when that thought  came to mind, my eyes started moving in a certain way and the thoughts shifted  from consciousness and when I brought them back, it wasn’t that intense.

What eye movements were you making?

It was rapid diagonal movements, very rapid, what they call saccadic  movements. So, I wanted to see if it could work deliberately. I brought up  something that bothered me and moved my eyes in the same way and I found the  same thing. I reached out to all my friends, basically every warm body I could  find, and asked them if they had something they wanted to work on. Everyone  did.

I started having them follow my hand in order to make the same eye movements  and that’s how I developed the process. Then I did a controlled study, which was  published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress in 1989.

(MORE: Scientists Identify Genetic Changes that May Increase Risk of  PTSD)

There was an enormous amount of resistance to EMDR and for a long  time many researchers simply didn’t believe that it worked. There’s still  controversy about it. Why do you think that’s so?

Because whole field of PTSD was new. The diagnosis of PTSD was only made  official in 1980. And what you had were all these Vietnam vets who were still  struggling and suffering 20 years after the war. The view of field was that PTSD  was pretty impossible to treat and here I published an article on a randomized  controlled study showing positive effects after one session and with eye  movements, which didn’t make any sense.

For me, I felt I stumbled on the brain’s natural processing. I started  thinking about REM sleep [when dreaming typically takes place] where you also  get those kinds of eye movements. At this point, the research [suggests] that  the REM state is when the brain is processing survival-related information. Back  in 1989, the view was that the eye movement was the dreamer scanning the dream  environment. They had no idea what it was actually doing.

Right now, there are 20 randomized controlled trials on just the eye  movements alone and all of them show a positive effect. About half of the  studies have been done by memory researchers who believe that the eye movements  disrupt working memory [one theory about how it works]. Harvard researcher  Robert Stickgold has written [about how EMDR] links into the same process that  occurs during REM sleep.

These ideas aren’t mutually exclusive?

I think both are correct. What’s quite interesting at this point in the whole  field of PTSD is that in order to have the official diagnosis, you need to have  a major trauma like rape or combat experience, but the latest research indicates  that general life experience can [produce traumatic memories].

Do you mean things like child abuse?

Not even. Children can hear parents fighting. They had a study showing that  children can get PTSD from falling off a bicycle.

Is this because people who are very sensitive to experience can  be traumatized by things that wouldn’t affect other people?

There’s a genetic [piece] and there’s also what kind of foundation has been  laid. A lot of research lately indicates that childhood adversity can set the  groundwork for vulnerability to a lot of later problems.

What we’re really looking at in general is that you have an information  processing system in the brain that’s supposed to be geared to digest  experience, to make sense of it [so that] what’s useful is incorporated [into  memory] and what’s useless is let go. When something is too disturbing, it  overwhelms that processing system and the memory gets stored along with the  emotions and physical sensations and beliefs that occurred at the time, and  that’s what gets triggered [in PTSD].

Robert Stickgold says that [the experience] is inappropriately stored in  episodic memory — the memory of emotions, physical sensations and beliefs — and  through EMDR, it gets shifted to semantic memory [narrative or verbal memory].  It is stimulating the information processing systems of the brain so that the  appropriate links are made. So a rape victim may start out saying that she feels  shameful, ‘I should have done something’ and has all those emotions; at end, she  is saying, The shame is his not mine, and I’m a resilient woman. That’s the  digested version: what needs to be learned is incorporated and what’s useless is  let go.

(MORE: Child  Abuse Pediatricians Recommend Basic Parenting Classes)

Some people claim that EMDR is most helpful for single traumatic  memories, but less so for people who have experienced ongoing trauma over a long  period of time.

It’s not that it works better, it takes longer when you have multiple  traumatic experiences because there are more memories that need to be processed.  And if it was childhood onset, because of the traumatic experience, they didn’t  necessarily [learn the] socialization and skills and that are needed at the  time.

Within EMDR, we have a three-pronged approach. First, identify and process  the earlier memories that set the groundwork [for the problem], then process  current stimuli that trigger distress, and third, incorporate whatever skills  and education are necessary to overcome developmental deficits and provide what  the person needs for the future.

It’s often really hard to find evidence-based therapies, but you  seem to have very successfully disseminated EMDR. What’s the  secret?

It really has been word of mouth. When I first developed it, I gave a lot of  presentations throughout the country. People would give me their cards and say,  When you are ready to teach it, I want to learn it. I made sure I had people who  were able to give and receive it under supervision so they actually learned it.  It was not just me as a talking head. I did small group practice and had one  trainer for nine people. At end of that, they wanted other clinicians to learn  it because they went back and used it, saw results and were getting results that  they hadn’t gotten with anything else and wanted their colleagues to learn it.  They often volunteered to train others because they wanted more people to be  helped and that’s really the way it went.

I write a lot about addiction and many, many addicted people have  suffered traumatic experiences, which unfortunately are often not dealt with  appropriately in treatment.

I think the literature is very clear that there’s a large connection with  trauma and the person trying to self-medicate. We tried to do an randomized  controlled trial with EMDR in Washington state’s drug court and we had to drop  the randomized part because the people treated with EMDR started talking about  how much it helped so the others were really upset that they couldn’t get. We  ended up being able to do the evaluation: graduation from these courts is  supposed to be a major indicator of recidivism, and 91% of those who got EMDR  graduated, compared to 60% of those who didn’t.

(MORE: Siblings  Brain Study Sheds Light on the Roots of Addiction)

So why do we always think that every emotion we experience is  real and connected to what’s happening now, not the past?

Because we’re feeling it and, therefore, seeing world in that way. That’s  what’s so funny about it. We don’t even get that. When we’re going into a social  situation and start feeling insecure, we’re feeling and acting on it. What the  book is trying to do is give people an understanding of where this is coming  from, so they can step back and use techniques to [cope better]. For a lot of  people, that’s all they need, not therapy. But for other people, if you are  always needing to use this, O.K., you’ve done most of the work to prepare and  you go get helping processing it. These are the techniques clinicians would be  teaching a client.

What should someone look for in an EMDR  therapist?

Make sure they’ve been trained by a program approved by the EMDR  International Association. We also have a nonprofit called the EMDR Humanitarian  Assistance Programs — they’re getting the royalties from the book. We provide  pro bono treatment for underserved populations worldwide, after every natural  and man-made disaster.

People can take control of their lives, they don’t have to be buffeted by  these unprocessed memories.

See more of  Healthland’s ‘Mind Reading’ series.

Maia Szalavitz is a health writer for TIME.com. Find her on  Twitter at @maiasz. You can also  continue the discussion on TIME Healthland‘s Facebook  page and on Twitter at @TIMEHealthland.

Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2012/04/18/getting-past-your-past-qa-with-therapist-francine-shapiro/#ixzz23oxcHghU

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: recovery, Sex

September 23, 2023 By Castimonia

A Letter to Dad (From a Girl that Got Trapped by Pornography)

Originally posted on http://www.covenanteyes.com/2012/08/03/for-women-who-struggle

A Letter to Dad (From a Girl Who Got Trapped by Pornography)

Posted on August 3, 2012 by Guest Author

by Jessica Harris

I don’t blame him anymore; for a while, I did. He left, so it was easy to pin everything on him. My anger, insecurity and porn addiction could be traced back to one man—the man who left this daddy’s girl without a dad. The years have helped me see my choices are my own, just as his were his own. But things might have been different if he had never left.

I thought I was fine without a dad, but five years ago, God brought a ‘second dad’ into my life. This man and his wife took me into their hearts as one of their own. He avidly pursued my healing and restoration. Having gone through that experience, I think I speak for every daughter when I say, “Dad, we need you.”

There is something unique and incredibly powerful about the love between a father and daughter. When I talk with women who struggle with pornography, or even women in the porn industry, many (though not all) speak of having an absent father. It was not always divorce or a single-parent home. Sometimes dad was there but just not involved—too wrapped up in his job or even his ministry to take the time needed to nurture his daughter’s heart.

If a dad is disconnected, it leaves that little girl searching to fill that void. Yes, we could turn to God, but in a society full of sexed-up men and empowered women, it is far easier to run to lust. It is not enough to simply live in the same house. Your daughter needs your presence more than she needs you present.

So, how can you protect her from pornography and lust in a world that is out to conquer, destroy and use her?

Be a living reflection of God’s heart

Be…

Godly. You are her gateway to understanding God as a Heavenly Father. The way you treat her colors her view of how God views her. Paint the clearest picture of Him that you can. Hint: you’ll probably need His help.

Overtly-Protective. Overtly means to be obvious. Think of it as mirroring God’s jealous love. She is your daughter; protect her and be obvious about it. Yes, guard what she sees on TV, what she does on her phone or on the computer, but also protect her heart.

Determined. Your daughter is living in the middle of a world that is determined to get her. There are men in her life determined to wear down on her morality. There are women in her life determined to stretch her boundaries. Sin is actively pursuing your daughter’s heart. You need to be purposeful in keeping it.

Sexually pure. By all means, love your wife; the world needs good godly marriages, but please, ditch the porn. Boys will not be boys, and it is not OK. If you view women as objects for your desire, that is how you will treat them. You cannot protect her from pornography and lust if you are the one letting it into the house.

Her Hero. When’s the last time you rescued her? This is a lot easier to do with younger girls. All it takes is a cardboard sword to be her knight in shining armor. When they get older, it involves changing a flat in the pouring rain or purposefully rescuing her from a bad day at work. She needs to know you are there for her and that she matters to you.

Engaged. It’s not being nosy; it’s love. Know what’s going on in her life. Put away the laptop, ministry notes, office transcripts, tool box, golf clubs, and hunting gear long enough to know your daughter. Know what she knows. Know her friends and be aware of situations where temptation may come.

Approachable. What if she messes up, dad? Are you someone she is comfortable approaching or would you fly off the handle? If she is afraid to ask for help, she will retreat and often turn to things like fantasy or erotica in order to escape. Be approachable; pray with her. Show her what it looks like to turn to God in our times of need, because He is always approachable.

Real. This may seem bizarre but porn offers false connections—a false reality. Porn is full of ‘perfect people.’ She needs real people, not perfect people. My friend Matt Fradd just released a DVD on being a real man. Real men do not necessarily cry, and they do not actually have to wear pink. Real men love the Lord and embrace His calling on their lives. They experience failure, joy, pain, sorrow, victory, loss, hope—humanity. Let her see how you handle the reality of life.

The man you want her to marry. Many of you just cracked out the shotgun and said, “No one is coming anywhere near my baby girl!” Chances are some man will win her heart. Whether good or bad, she will likely end up marrying someone like you. Be the kind of man you want her to marry.

It isn’t a foolproof formula, because we live in a fallen world. There are women who have fallen to porn while growing up in great Christian homes with a loving Christian father. They fell just because. ‘Just because’ does not happen much, but if ‘just because’ does happen, you want to be the father that can help rescue his little girl from pornography. Do not give up on her, Dad. Do not ever believe that she is in the clear. Never walk away. As long as she is your little girl, she is going to need you.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, christian, porn, pornography, recovery, Sex, sex addiction, sexual, sexual purity

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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