CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Step Seven – Being Humble

Journal about what you believe it is to be humble. What does it mean to you? Where do you see yourself being humble and what actions have you taken that show your humanity?

Humility is about embracing who I truly am instead of striving to be something more perfect, more impressive, or more powerful. It’s about sincerely being me: the imperfect human, made in the image of God, redeemed by the blood of Jesus, adopted as a beloved son, and given the Holy Spirit to grow in the likeness of Christ. The Twelve and Twelve defines humility as a clear recognition of what and who I really am, followed by a sincere attempt to become what I could be. Which means that humility is also about embracing God as God and my willingness to honor him and follow him as such. Humility is surrender. It’s turning my life and will over to the care of God, kneeling to his authoritative will.

The opposite of humility then is self-reliance. Before recovery, there were massive portions of my life that I refused to give up control of. My own self ruled. I wanted things to be my way. I voiced faith in God and liked the idea of good character and being perceived as someone with good character but I only wanted “good character” if it benefited me. I wasn’t willing to actually surrender that which threatened my image, my self-medicating behaviors, my ideals, or even my core self-contempt. But as long as I tried to play God, I couldn’t actually know him with intimacy or follow God with humility.

Thankfully, God has blessed me with repeated humiliations to crush my self-sufficiency. The pain and suffering I experience as a consequence of my self-reliance, character defects, and addiction are gifts that have helped lead me to freedom. The only way I can say that and the only way that humility and surrender work is if God is all-loving and all-good. He has to be the God who is worth trusting with absolute power. The God who knows my needs, who guides my story, who hears my prayers and answers. This is the God who didn’t let me go on living my false self’s charade. He brutally exposed my lies, revealed my selfish sin, and outright broke my fake self-sufficiency. He put me in the position of having to accept my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life. He humiliated me to bless me with humility. He brought me to my knees so that I could truly surrender to him.

The only way for life to work is for God to be God and me to worship him as his beloved son. As long as I’m trying to be god, I’ll only reproduce the destruction I’ve already caused. My powerless life and compulsive behaviors only lead to one result. So it’s humility or death. Surrender or doom. There’s no in between.

What’s humility look like in my life? Practically getting on my knees each and every day before the living God. Committing my life to him each morning and praying your will be done. Saying, “I’ll obey your Word even if I don’t like it and I’ll accept what you bring into my life even if I don’t understand it. Not my will but your will be done.” Giving up control to obey the wisdom of my sponsor and other experienced voices in recovery, following their guidance instead of my own. Saying no to middle and inner circle behaviors that I justified before or believed weren’t immoral before. Building my schedule and rhythms around my recovery. Serving my wife however I can and adhering to her will without pushing back, keeping what’s most loving and helpful to her as my top priority. Refusing to believe the lies of self-contempt, be consumed by self-pity, or exert my own self-sufficient control by checking these feelings in with others in recovery and acknowledging their irrationality.

It’s also in surrendering the future of my marriage that humility has been most at work. The Holy Spirit’s led me to seeing that I have been loving and serving my wife for much of our separation, hoping it will produce the result of reconciliation between us. Which means that all my best deeds have been conditional. There’s been an expectation of outcome. But that’s ultimately self-reliant control – not humility. Instead, humility allows me to let God be God over our future and empowers me to be present to love my wife unconditionally and sincerely (instead of selfishly). Humility frees me to be grateful for what I have in the present and find joy instead of stressing over where the future will lead.

Again, I can only live this way if I can trust that God has me as the loving Father he is. I don’t need to fight for myself. I don’t have to prove anything. I don’t need to impress anyone. I don’t need to ensure I come out on top in the end. I don’t have to write my own story. He has me, he loves me, he’s leading me, he’s all-powerful, he’s all-good, he won’t abandon me, he won’t betray me, he’s sanctifying and shaping me, he’s leading me to glory, he’s worth trusting.

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Dumb Locusts

Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org

Like most of you, my addiction robbed me of a lot of years. When I finally got into recovery, I felt like I would never really know the fullness of God’s blessings again.

For me, it was too late.

Then I came across this gem from the Old Testament. “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25).

That verse could be the mantra for every person in recovery from any addiction. The locusts have eaten so much – our time, relationships, character. Worse yet, we welcomed the locusts into our lives every time we fed our habit. But God gets the final word. 

Life is about finishing strong.

Bear Bryant said, “Winning isn’t imperative, but getting tougher in the fourth quarter is.”

Caleb was a hero at age 85, while Joshua finished his work at 110. So for every reader under the age of 110, I leave you with this promise from God.

“I’m not done yet. The rest of your life will be the best of your life.”

Recovery Step: Never measure the activity of God by what you can see in the moment. The best is yet to come.

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A Key to Overall Recovery: Staying Grounded

Originally posted at: https://sexuallypuremen.beehiiv.com/p/key-overall-recovery-staying-grounded

By Eddie Capparucci, Ph.D., LPC, CSAS

A young man in his early 20s, who has wrestled with pornography since he was 13, recently confided in me, saying, “I’ve tried so many techniques over the past five years to stop watching porn, but nothing has worked. What do you think is the answer to breaking this habit?”

His question highlights a fundamental misunderstanding that I believe is a significant barrier to achieving true sobriety. When someone approaches the cessation of problematic sexual behaviors (PSBs) from the perspective of merely breaking a “habit,” they are setting themselves up for continued struggle, much like this young man.

The roots of PSBs often lie in a deeper, more complex emotional landscape. These behaviors are not just mindless habits; they are coping mechanisms born out of a need to silence emotional distress, often stemming from inadequate emotional bonding during formative years. PSBs act as subconscious distractions, dulling the noise of unresolved pain and compensating for the lack of authentic connection in one’s life.

Consider another recent conversation with a client who confessed to struggling with edging behaviors. He believed that taking a vacation would shield him from an impending slip or relapse, a fear that was haunting him.

While I commend both of these individuals for their awareness of their struggles, they are not focusing on the correct pathway for recovery. Recovery is not about breaking a bad habit, like biting your fingernails, or escaping to a holiday destination to relax. True recovery lies in becoming grounded.

So, what does it mean to be grounded?

Being grounded is the practice of staying emotionally and mentally balanced. It is about taking intentional steps to address the critical emotional voids in your life. It involves nurturing your emotional resilience, fostering genuine connections with others, and learning to sit with discomfort rather than running from it.

Being grounded is understanding that you deal with anxiety — in many cases hidden — that leads to increased compulsiveness. This in turn increases the likely of making poor or reckless decisions.

Grounding is not a quick fix but instead it is a continuous process of self-reflection and growth. It means identifying the underlying emotional triggers that drive PSBs and addressing them head-on, rather than merely suppressing the symptoms. Grounding is about replacing destructive coping mechanisms with healthy, life-affirming practices that reinforce your sense of self-worth and belonging. Staying grounded creates strong and lasting roots.

For the young man struggling with porn, and for anyone grappling with PSBs, the answer is not in finding the perfect technique to ‘break a habit.’ Instead, it is in cultivating a life where emotional needs are met in healthy, authentic ways. This requires patience, self-compassion, and the willingness to engage in the often uncomfortable practice of being vulnerable. Managing fears instead of avoiding them through PSBs is a must-have on the road to sobriety, as is proactively reducing your anxiety. Only then can true recovery take root, transforming not just behaviors, but the way you engage with life.

Eddie Capparucci is a licensed professional counselor certified in treating Problematic Sexual Behaviors. Among his many clients, Eddie has worked with professional athletes, including NFL and MLB players and television personalities. He is the creator of the Inner Child Model™ for treating PSBs. He is the author of Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction and Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots as well as several other books.