Sobriety
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PORN: The Digital Cocaine (w/ Jordan Peterson & Andrew Huberman) (Be Inspired)
Originally posted at: https://walkinintegrity.com/porn-the-digital-cocaine-w-jordan-peterson-andrew-huberman-be-inspired/
Pornography has been termed “the high fructose corn syrup of sex” (pornography). It’s easy access via the internet has been likened to “everyone now having a Playboy magazine under their bed” (temptation). I’ve referred to pornography as a “silent killer” and “silent epidemic.” Many people who struggle with a pornography habit do so alone. A lot of people keep it a secret for obvious reasons; and the mainstream is rarely of any help to people who do publicly acknowledge they have a problem.
Today, I’ve transcribed a fascinating montage, interspersed with narration, that refers to pornography as “digital cocaine.” While pornography is a behavioral addiction, the author argues that it has a lot in common with universally acknowledged substance addictions. Unlike the latter, “many doctors and researchers don’t even believe [pornography addiction] is an actual medical condition.” The author talks about how pornography can take away one’s desire for human connection and intimacy. It can lead to emotional withdrawal, exacerbate mental health issues, like depression, cause life motivation to plummet, and damage relationships and romantic partners.
People with unresolved emotional trauma, or current major life stressors, like an unhappy or abusive relationship, are at an elevated risk of getting addicted. The good news for the author is that recovery from pornography addiction is possible. Many people who were once addicted have gotten free and are now living abundant lives. (See the Testimonies section for countless such stories..)
Jordan Peterson, for his part, prescribes the creation of a life vision “more compelling than pornography. . . And so you need a story that you can tell yourself that’s really deeply thought through about why this is not appropriate for you.”
Check out the complete clip and transcript down below!
People who spend too much time watching pornography—they have trouble performing with regular sex. The reason is that just like with alcohol, you might start out with some beer, maybe some wine. You progress to hard liquor, mixed drinks, and finally you’re just drinking the Vodka right out of the bottle. The same with pornography. You start out with tame stuff, and little by little you go up to more and more extreme acts. When you’re with a real human being, it just doesn’t do it anymore, and so a lot of people have erectile dysfunction. They don’t even want to have sex with real people.
Daniel Lieberman, M.D.
Viewing porn excessively can often be overlooked as harmless, but when innocent sexual urges start to take hold of your free will, demanding they be fulfilled, even when they make you lose control, it’s time to reel it in. On the bright side, despite how overwhelming the condition can get, porn addiction can be managed with determination and the right help. And as you keep going, you’ll find that it gets easier. The important thing to remember is that you are not alone. People have recovered from porn addiction and are thriving in their lives now.
Be Inspired
For more, see Jordan Peterson Explains The Dangerous Effects Of Porn (The Roommates). You can also visit the complete archive of articles on integrity.
Huberman: Pornography is a serious issue.
Nash: It consumed my life. It started taking up more and more time, more and more energy, and then me pushing the boundaries.
Peterson: It’s all pleasure with no responsibility. That’s deadening. . .
Porn addiction, unfortunately, is not yet a diagnosable medical issue, but many argue it should be, because it can be just as damaging as an addiction to alcohol or drugs.
Huberman: Because of the way that it taps into these very primitive systems. It’s as serious, in my mind, as some of the other drugs of abuse, like the opioid crisis. . .
People addicted to porn constantly crave erotic displays to the point where it takes over everything else in their life: their job, home, family, hobbies, and aspirations all take a backseat as they are overtaken for their need for escapism through pornography. In some cases, they might start watching porn in public places, like at work, or in public buses and trains.
But why does it matter how often someone watches porn? Well, even if they don’t think it affects them, it certainly affects the people around them. Any type of addiction has an influence on your life and the people you love. Is it interfering with your relationship? Does it disrupt your day? Does it cause you to disengage with your feelings and care little for actual human connection and intimacy?
Studies have shown that many who frequently consume porn tend to pull away emotionally from their partners. They start keeping secrets, lying, and occasionally enter depressive states after a session of overconsuming porn. This, in turn, hurts their partner. When they sense their significant other drawing away, preferring porn over real intimacy, it’s a crushing blow to their self-esteem. They start to question their abilities in bed, the interest of their partner, and even their attractiveness.
Lieberman: People who spend too much time watching pornography—they have trouble performing with regular sex. The reason is that just like with alcohol, you might start out with some beer, maybe some wine. You progress to hard liquor, mixed drinks, and finally you’re just drinking the Vodka right out of the bottle. The same with pornography. You start out with tame stuff, and little by little you go up to more and more extreme acts. When you’re with a real human being, it just doesn’t do it anymore, and so a lot of people have erectile dysfunction. They don’t even want to have sex with real people.
The feeling of being disconnected from those you love and your personal life can impact your self-esteem and make you hate yourself. Feeling ongoing guilt and shame becomes as normal as depression, and you become aware that your life has lost control. Unfortunately, your only escape from this out-of-control life has become pornography. This addiction, and the following lifestyle changes all have a neurological impact on the brain.
Huberman: You ever notice when you get on the phone and you’re scrolling Instagram, it’s a lot of fun. Like, this stuff is cool. You’re seeing people. And then sometimes you’re on there and you’re like, “This doesn’t feel good but I’m doing it anyway. I’m just doing it.” That’s exactly how people talk about their drug use. That’s exactly how people talk about alcohol use. That’s exactly how people talk about gambling. You imagine this high, but the high doesn’t show up, and that’s your dopamine depleted.
Porn, like cocaine or alcohol, are hyper-stimulating triggers that lead to an unnaturally high amount of dopamine secretion. Repetitive secretion of dopamine damages the reward system and leaves it unresponsive when there’s something real to be happy about. It’s like when you set up a reward system for studying. You get to eat a cookie every time you complete a chapter. But if you can’t control yourself and finish the entire jar of cookies before you’ve even started, you have ruined the reward system, and are no longer motivated to study. This is the same reason why people addicted to porn find it so challenging to achieve arousal when they’re with a partner. The desensitization of the reward system sets the stage for sexual dysfunctions to develop, further facilitating depression and anxiety. What’s worse is, they can’t stop.
Research shows that compulsive porn consumers want to and need to watch more porn, even when they don’t like it and know they shouldn’t do it. The disconnect it between liking it and wanting it causes dysregulation in your circuit, further pushing you into depression. It’s seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. How do you stop? First, you have to understand why it began.
Binging on porn over time leads to mental health problems, but the addiction is also born of previous traumas that your brain is trying to soothe using porn. It becomes a tool for people to get back in touch with their bodies and manage their memories and emotions. Unfortunately, thrill-seeking of any kind is not a healthy coping mechanism. An addiction occurs when the person has an underlying condition, or if they’re suffering through an unhappy or abusive relationship.
Porn, like alcohol, can provide escapism for dissatisfaction, fear, and unhappiness. Cultural norms also play a heavy influence. Ideas of how people should look, and the ideal body type can give people complexes and make them feel bad about how they look or enjoy sex. Watching pornography disengages them from their feelings, providing that same escapism, even if they feel worse after the fact. There is no denying that porn addiction, like any other addiction, has an adverse effect on your quality of life. It can get debilitating, and for those who want to get out of the rut but can’t, life can feel especially hopeless.
Even research doesn’t provide a specific proven treatment for pornography addiction simply because many doctors and researchers don’t even believe it’s an actual medical condition. So, what do you do?
Peterson: Porn isn’t the issue. The issue is you’re not living your life the way you want to. So you need a vision of life that’s more compelling than the porn. And you need a counter-vision, too, that frightens you, you know, because otherwise, porn is obviously extremely gratifying in the short-term, but you seem to be suffering from the medium-to-long-term consequences of its use. And so you need a story that you can tell yourself that’s really deeply thought through about why this is not appropriate for you. How’s it hurting you. And how’s it minimizing you, and perhaps making you embarrassed and ashamed and more socially isolated, and all of that.
Quitting porn is a difficult journey for everyone. Everyone has different reasons and circumstances. Some might find it extremely hard. Others might let it go more quickly. Either way, there are 3 key steps to start the journey.
The first, recognize the problem. Nobody, not even a therapist, can help if you don’t acknowledge the problem.
Second, you have to find a way to stop. This would mean eliminating all your porn from all devices and breaking any links that supply it.
And third, which might need more help for a therapist, direct your energy toward strengthening your mind and body.
Viewing porn excessively can often be overlooked as harmless, but when innocent sexual urges start to take hold of your free will, demanding they be fulfilled, even when they make you lose control, it’s time to reel it in. On the bright side, despite how overwhelming the condition can get, porn addiction can be managed with determination and the right help. And as you keep going, you’ll find that it gets easier.
The important thing to remember is that you are not alone. People have recovered from porn addiction and are thriving in their lives now. We aim to bring awareness and normalize the stigma around such issues. So if this helped you, or you think it might help someone else, go ahead and share the video.
Wear a Tie
Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org
A man whose car broke down walked ten miles in the desert in search of water. He was barely able to make it to a small house on the edge of town. Knocking on the door, he then collapsed, near death. A man answered the door, and the poor fellow gasped, “Water! I need water!”
The homeowner offered him a tie instead.
“But I need water! I don’t want your tie!” Then he left and crawled to the only other home within sight. A man wearing a tuxedo came to the door, and the parched fellow whispered, “Water! I need water!”
The man in the tux replied, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve anyone who isn’t wearing a tie.”
Lesson: Do what you need to do today in order to take an even bigger step tomorrow.
Recovery Step: Jesus pointed out the tragedy of not understanding the Scriptures (Matthew 22:29). Similarly, there will be times when you will be told to take certain steps toward recovery that don’t make sense at the time. Be okay with that.
Can We Heal From Trauma?
originally posted at: https://theonlinetherapist.blog/can-we-heal-from-trauma/
Trauma occurs when a loved one dies unexpectedly, when a child is assaulted, or when caregivers violate boundaries. It can occur as a result of an accident or as a result of being beaten for being the wrong colour, religion, or sexual orientation. It occurs during a rape. It does not only occur in the presence of “evil” strangers or natural disasters; it also occurs within families and in the name of love. Having stated that, what is trauma? By its very nature, it is frightening and overpowering, preparing your body and mind for impending danger and threat. According to Freud, “trauma renders the victim absolutely impotent and ineffective.” Trauma alters physiology by causing shock, denial, dissociation, freezing, or suppression in response to momentary overwhelm. This is true for both reactions to the aforementioned “major traumas” and the more mundane “daily triggers.” A trauma victim may feel compelled to defend themselves owing to the overwhelming nature of the situation. Many victims will do so even if they have no memory of the triggering incident. Much of the trauma can be concealed and is often contingent upon the circumstances around the traumatic incident.
Our response to trauma is specifically dictated by our ability to manage the incident that has occurred in question. This is true regardless of how harsh or intense the event was for the individual. If we are able to control our response through defence or escape, it becomes part of our cumulative experience and we are able to move on in most cases. When we think about it, we will categorise it as an elevated emotional experience as well as an elevated level of emotional arousal.
Our brains react in a very different way when we are confronted with an experience that we perceive as being so dangerous that we are unlikely to survive it (or we think it to be unsurvivable). Our memories are frozen in our minds at that point. It is, in recovery, necessary to shift the view of our main survival brain from a state of everlasting helplessness to one of stable and ongoing control in order to recover from such an experience. To move trauma memories and the triggers connected with them into the past, we must first change our recollections of them. In effect, we are changing the threat from one that is emotionally attached to us but is not a threat but no longer has influence over us to one that no longer has control over us. Working on mental and physical feelings that deceive our minds and bodies into believing that a threat is imminent rather than that it has passed is essential. These sensations are only related in the present because of our current level of stress, which has triggered old protection strategies that were initially developed to deal with an incident that has long since occurred.
If we can accomplish all of this, we will be able to shift our perception of ourselves from that of a trauma victim to that of a trauma survivor. That sounds incredibly simple, doesn’t it? No, this is a difficult task that is highly dependent on the individual concerned as well as the type of trauma they have endured.
Understanding the physiological effects of trauma might assist victims in coming to grips with their symptoms. When our natural defences of fight or flight are unavailable, we freeze (as in the original event). During this so-called “immobility reaction,” trauma-related symptoms get immobilised in the body. Animals have adapted to control their systems by “body shaking,” and some therapies promote this. The majority of trauma responses are mired in arousal, shutting down, and incomplete defence mechanisms. As our system attempts to control itself, it “short circuits.” Repeated exposure to trauma triggers might exacerbate the situation. Experiencing a trauma response activates the most primal survival mechanism in our brain, permanently placing the victim in a state of alarm. At this moment, our brain’s higher centres are more difficult to access. As a means of protection, the body and neurological system are dysregulated. This endeavour frequently results in chaos and turmoil. Change must begin with an attempt to gain entrance to the conscious mind.
Daily, trauma survivors struggle to cope. Our bodies do not lie, and trauma leaves a permanent imprint. Sufferers with a high level of trauma are extraordinarily sensitive to almost anything, but especially when it is connected to the original event. Triggers frequently re-establish behaviours and thoughts that were employed to defend against the traumatic occurrence. When we feel uneasy in the moment, we will mentally flee as a reaction to the imagined threat. Dissociation, numbness, and shutting down are all frequent defence mechanisms. However, patients may also encounter additional difficulties such as increased anxiety, depression, a lack of trust, rigid boundaries, a need for control, intrusive thoughts and a range of mental disorder.
So, what can be done in this situation? There are three stages of recovery, according to conventional wisdom:
Stage 1: Establishment of a Safe Environment
A traumatic incident can completely demolish your preconceived notions of safety. This is the detrimental impact you have on your own sense of self-worth and worthiness. Shame and guilt are frequently at the root of this unfavourable perception of oneself. The sense of safety and trust that you have is built early in life, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and trauma shatters that sense of safety and trust. One of the goals of this first stage is to assist you in re-establishing your fundamental sense of safety and trust.
It is critical to discuss with your therapist your history of traumatic events, your family history, and your interpersonal interactions during this initial period of treatment.
The quality of your relationship with your therapist is important to the effectiveness of your therapy. You must be at ease with the therapist in order to benefit from his or her services. You require a sense of security and trust, which have been taken away from you as a result of the trauma.
The goal at this stage is to feel more stable in your life, rather than chaotic and out of control, so that you can go on. This includes not just taking a thorough medical history but also undergoing examinations or evaluations to determine how much you are dissociating and the severity of the trauma. This is necessary so that you and your therapist can decide the appropriate speed, evaluate the need for stabilisation, and determine how to proceed to the second stage, which is Remembrance and Mourning, as needed.
Clients frequently want to get through this first stage as quickly as possible in order to get to the healing stage, but safety and stabilisation are essential in order to be successful in later stages of trauma resolution.
Stage 2: Observance of Remembrance and Mourning
Trauma can only be resolved when the survivor creates a new mental’schema’ for comprehending what has happened to him or her. During Stage 2, you inform the therapist about your traumatic experiences. The horrific experiences have most often been recalled without emotion, with only fragmentary memory, or as a sequence of still photos in your mind’s eye. It is critical that you begin to attach words or sentiments to the recollection as soon as possible, if at all possible. Perhaps you can identify the sensations that you are experiencing in your body.
It is naming the trauma that may restore a sense of power to you that has been taken away from you in the past. It is entirely up to you how much agony, guilt, and shame you are willing to face and endure. Sharing aspects of your experiences or being willing to face them head on is unquestionably a courageous decision. It’s possible that discussing your experience will bring up unpleasant emotions in the listener. It will be necessary at this time to refer back to the tactics that you acquired during Stage 1 in order to help you feel comfortable while you go through the process of remembering. This will assist you in remaining in the ‘Window of Tolerance,’ and you will feel more empowered as a result.
It is necessary to strike a balance between feeling safe and confronting one’s past. Together with your therapist, you will determine the pace of the work. There are no restrictions on the amount of time you may spend in each of the three phases of recovery or on the number of times you can return to a previous stage.
Stage 3: Reconnection with the outside world
In the second stage, you will have mourned the loss of your former self, which was destroyed by the trauma; now you must create a new self. Your previous ideas, which gave significance to your existence, have been tested, and you must now establish new ties in order to move forward. It is critical that you commit sufficient time and energy to your own personal well-being throughout this final stage. This entails taking care of your physical well-being, as well as your environment, your financial necessities, and your interpersonal interactions.
The goal is to emerge from the experience with a sense of empowerment and connectivity to oneself and one’s surroundings. During this step, you may want to go over any of the safety issues that you discussed during the previous stage again. As you prepare to reconnect with people, you may find that you need to re-establish a sense of security.
At this point, it is possible to let go and forgive yourself, even though you had no influence over the event that occurred. Now is a good time to embrace the positive aspects of your personality. They become a part of your new self as time goes on. You now believe that you are capable of protecting yourself. If you have been assaulted, you may want to consider taking a self-defense training.
Erik Erickson devised the Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development, which are still in use today. They include a sense of self-direction, initiative, competence, identity, and intimacy, among other things. These are all adversely affected by the trauma, and it is this that contributes to the difficulties in recovering from it.
When you are in Stage 3 of recovery, you are concentrating on concerns of identity and intimacy. When you reach Stage 3, the trauma should have faded into the past, and there should be no longer be any barriers to closeness that were there in the previous stages. It is possible that recovery will not be complete. When people are stressed, the symptoms of trauma can reoccur. Although the skills for self-care that you could learn in therapy will be really beneficial during these times, they will also be extremely beneficial in general.
Earl Campbell
Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org
One day after practice, a veteran Houston Oiler football player came over to Head Coach Bum Phillips and said, “Coach, I don’t know if you know this or not, but that rookie, Earl Campbell, was unable to finish the mile run at the end of practice.”
Bum responded, “That’s good to know. The next time it is third down with a mile to go, I won’t give him the ball.”
Forty years later, nobody remembers who that veteran football complainer was. Meanwhile, Earl Campbell is in the NFL Hall-of-Fame.
It is easy to criticize others. In the Great Sermon, Jesus had a lot to say about judging the actions of others (Matthew 7:1-5).
What’s not so easy is to reflect on our own lives. I suggest that you take a moment today to ask yourself this question: “What can I be doing better in my own recovery?”
Recovery Step: Focus on your own shortcomings and leave everyone else to God.
