Sexual Purity Posts

Originally posted at: https://fightthenewdrug.org/talking-about-sex-and-porn/

Talking about sex is tough, leaving harmful sources like porn to fill the gap. Learn how to start the conversation.

Sex is awkward and uncomfortable to talk about.

Even in familiar, safe environments with family or friends, discussing the topic of sex often feels taboo. Despite shifts in how we learn about sex, discomfort around the topic still persists today.

David Oliver, USA TODAY’s wellness reporter, speaks in this USA TODAY article about the difficulty of discussing sex and why it may not be as simple as looking at the social norms of a given generation. “It holds true for everyone, really. I think particularly for boomers, this was a generation that really did not grow up with a lot of knowledge about sex in terms of their parents talking to them about it,” says Oliver.

There is a clear difference in how baby boomers and older generations learned about sex. Newer generations and younger age groups learn differently now. Oliver states, “Now it’s something that parents are making clear it’s not something that anyone is entitled to have…it’s just a more open conversation. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s any easier to talk about.”

Oliver points out how perspectives on sex, its purposes, and its meaning have shifted significantly across generations. This has made discussing sex difficult and finding answers challenging, despite it being a universally relevant topic.

The Effects of Porn Consumption 

So then, where do people seek out answers to their questions about sex?

Oliver points out that “Gen Z and millennials, on the other hand, have more exposure through media, having more conversations about it, through books, things like that.” Media consumption with sexual content has become more accessible than ever, with perhaps one of the most significant locations on the internet being pornography.

PR Newswire shared a study stating that “73% of teen respondents aged 13 to 17 have watched pornography online” ¹ and that “online pornography is shaping their views about sex and sexual relationships, as nearly half (45%) of teen respondents said that they felt online pornography gives “helpful” information about sex.” ²

An article from WiFi Talents from 2024 says 30% of all internet traffic is the viewing of pornographic websites online. It also found that 64% of young adults actively seek out pornography weekly. Pornography can also have severe effects on mental health, with WiFi Talents saying, “Pornography consumption is linked to higher rates of depression and lower levels of relationship satisfaction” and “Individuals addicted to pornography are more likely to experience social isolation and relationship problems.”

Porn impacts mental health, distorts understanding of sexuality, and fosters unhealthy views of sex, sometimes leading to harmful behaviors. People who consume pornography often experience less sexual satisfaction in their relationships. This can blur the lines between fantasy-based sexual behavior and reality. ³

Why Porn?

Well, if porn is so harmful to both our views of sex and even our mental health, why are people using it as a resource to learn about sex in the first place? Adrian Chiles, an article writer for the Guardian, makes a rather blunt but somewhat accurate observation regarding this, saying, “I doubt anyone thinks porn is a good way to learn about sex, but where else do you see people, like, doing it?” ⁴

One reason people use porn to understand sex is its simplicity. It’s easy and accessible. With internet access, pornography is typically available within seconds on smartphones, laptops, or any other connected device. It may surprise some that porn is becoming a more common method people use to learn about sex. But when you consider the easy accessibility of it on the internet alongside the uncomfortable feeling of talking about sex we often see in society, you can see how some may see it as a logical outlet to further their education about sex.

Oliver says, “Pornography has existed many different ways over decades, over a long time, but I believe that with more access to the internet, with more ability for anybody to post videos about whatever they want, I think you’re just naturally going to get people who are curious about things in unregulated internet that way in terms of what people can really share.”

The unregulated nature of pornography is not only far more harmful to one’s education on sex but can lead to depression, anxiety, warped sexual views and behaviors, and less emotional and sexual satisfaction in relationships ⁵.

Oliver states, “With more access to the internet, we get more education about sex, about a lot of different things, but we also get a darker side. So I think that’s why we’re seeing that happening, and it just speaks to how much more education we need.”

Talking About Porn

While talking about sex can be tricky, talking about pornography is not any easier.

It is not only an awkward and uncomfortable topic, but there is also often a strong stigma of shame culture around pornography consumption in our society. When someone consumes pornography, it can often lead to a mindset of self-deprecation and self-isolation ⁶. This can make individuals feel trapped and hopeless.

People feel reluctant to open up. They believe it won’t actually help them. Instead, they fear it will bring more shame about their pornography use. This can then lead to and result in avoidant behavior in personal relationships. One reason it’s so difficult is the challenge of knowing how to approach and start the conversation. Fear and shame surrounding the topic make it even harder.

At Fight the New Drug, we understand all of this, and we know it well, which is why we have our Conversation Blueprint. Pornography is hard to talk about, and we want to change that. Our blueprint offers advice on discussing pornography and sharing struggles with friends, family members, or romantic partners.

Talking about pornography is the first step, and we’re here to support and provide you with helpful resources. So then, let’s talk about porn!