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The First Recovery Ministry

Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org

Jesus had the world’s first recovery ministry. “He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind” (Luke 4:18).

Jesus stated his purpose – to bring (a) freedom, and (b) recovery. Let’s break that down.

The word used for “freedom,” in its original context, referred to a release from illegitimate bondage in order to make the choice to exercise responsibility in maximizing one’s purpose.

The word used for “recovery” was a reference to the opening of prison doors for those imprisoned by the consequences of bad choices.

Recovery Step: Let Jesus do for you what he came to do for everyone. Let him release you from bondage and open the prison doors.

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Why Talking About Sex and Porn Matters More Than Ever

Originally posted at: https://fightthenewdrug.org/talking-about-sex-and-porn/

Talking about sex is tough, leaving harmful sources like porn to fill the gap. Learn how to start the conversation.

Sex is awkward and uncomfortable to talk about.

Even in familiar, safe environments with family or friends, discussing the topic of sex often feels taboo. Despite shifts in how we learn about sex, discomfort around the topic still persists today.

David Oliver, USA TODAY’s wellness reporter, speaks in this USA TODAY article about the difficulty of discussing sex and why it may not be as simple as looking at the social norms of a given generation. “It holds true for everyone, really. I think particularly for boomers, this was a generation that really did not grow up with a lot of knowledge about sex in terms of their parents talking to them about it,” says Oliver.

There is a clear difference in how baby boomers and older generations learned about sex. Newer generations and younger age groups learn differently now. Oliver states, “Now it’s something that parents are making clear it’s not something that anyone is entitled to have…it’s just a more open conversation. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s any easier to talk about.”

Oliver points out how perspectives on sex, its purposes, and its meaning have shifted significantly across generations. This has made discussing sex difficult and finding answers challenging, despite it being a universally relevant topic.

The Effects of Porn Consumption 

So then, where do people seek out answers to their questions about sex?

Oliver points out that “Gen Z and millennials, on the other hand, have more exposure through media, having more conversations about it, through books, things like that.” Media consumption with sexual content has become more accessible than ever, with perhaps one of the most significant locations on the internet being pornography.

PR Newswire shared a study stating that “73% of teen respondents aged 13 to 17 have watched pornography online” 1 and that “online pornography is shaping their views about sex and sexual relationships, as nearly half (45%) of teen respondents said that they felt online pornography gives “helpful” information about sex.” 2

An article from WiFi Talents from 2024 says 30% of all internet traffic is the viewing of pornographic websites online. It also found that 64% of young adults actively seek out pornography weekly. Pornography can also have severe effects on mental health, with WiFi Talents saying, “Pornography consumption is linked to higher rates of depression and lower levels of relationship satisfaction” and “Individuals addicted to pornography are more likely to experience social isolation and relationship problems.”

Porn impacts mental health, distorts understanding of sexuality, and fosters unhealthy views of sex, sometimes leading to harmful behaviors. People who consume pornography often experience less sexual satisfaction in their relationships. This can blur the lines between fantasy-based sexual behavior and reality. 3

Why Porn?

Well, if porn is so harmful to both our views of sex and even our mental health, why are people using it as a resource to learn about sex in the first place? Adrian Chiles, an article writer for the Guardian, makes a rather blunt but somewhat accurate observation regarding this, saying, “I doubt anyone thinks porn is a good way to learn about sex, but where else do you see people, like, doing it?” 4

One reason people use porn to understand sex is its simplicity. It’s easy and accessible. With internet access, pornography is typically available within seconds on smartphones, laptops, or any other connected device. It may surprise some that porn is becoming a more common method people use to learn about sex. But when you consider the easy accessibility of it on the internet alongside the uncomfortable feeling of talking about sex we often see in society, you can see how some may see it as a logical outlet to further their education about sex.

Oliver says, “Pornography has existed many different ways over decades, over a long time, but I believe that with more access to the internet, with more ability for anybody to post videos about whatever they want, I think you’re just naturally going to get people who are curious about things in unregulated internet that way in terms of what people can really share.”

The unregulated nature of pornography is not only far more harmful to one’s education on sex but can lead to depression, anxiety, warped sexual views and behaviors, and less emotional and sexual satisfaction in relationships 5.

Oliver states, “With more access to the internet, we get more education about sex, about a lot of different things, but we also get a darker side. So I think that’s why we’re seeing that happening, and it just speaks to how much more education we need.”

Talking About Porn

While talking about sex can be tricky, talking about pornography is not any easier.

It is not only an awkward and uncomfortable topic, but there is also often a strong stigma of shame culture around pornography consumption in our society. When someone consumes pornography, it can often lead to a mindset of self-deprecation and self-isolation 6. This can make individuals feel trapped and hopeless.

People feel reluctant to open up. They believe it won’t actually help them. Instead, they fear it will bring more shame about their pornography use. This can then lead to and result in avoidant behavior in personal relationships. One reason it’s so difficult is the challenge of knowing how to approach and start the conversation. Fear and shame surrounding the topic make it even harder.

At Fight the New Drug, we understand all of this, and we know it well, which is why we have our Conversation Blueprint. Pornography is hard to talk about, and we want to change that. Our blueprint offers advice on discussing pornography and sharing struggles with friends, family members, or romantic partners.

Talking about pornography is the first step, and we’re here to support and provide you with helpful resources. So then, let’s talk about porn!

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Peter

originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org

Nothing you can ever do will make God love you more. And nothing you have ever done has made him love you less.

Exhibit A – Peter 

In Mark 14, Peter slept three times when he should have been praying (14:32-42). Later in the same chapter, Peter denied Christ three times (14:66-72).

Still, Jesus never gave up on Peter.

Peter was a mess in Mark 14. But by Acts 2, he shook it off, picked himself up, and preached the most impactful sermon the church would ever hear.

What Jesus did for Peter, he wants to do for you.

Recovery Step: Don’t measure yourself by the failures of your past, but by the hope of your future.

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Are You Unknowingly Passing Down Codependency to Your Children?

Originally posted at: https://theonlinetherapist.blog/are-you-unknowingly-passing-down-codependency-to-your-children/

If you are a codependent and have children of your own, then there is a better than average chance that the codependent tendencies you have, will be passed down through a dysfunctional parenting style. One that has too many boundaries or not enough. Codependency is generational and many clients I work with have described one of their parents having the same codependent characteristics as they themselves do. I have often written about how childhood forms the basis for codependency. A child’s brain develops in relation to its connection with “others”, notably caregivers. When children are made to “fix” their environment to feel secure, they will take this attitude into adulthood. They are made to “fix” due to a dysfunctional connection and attachment to caregivers due to neglect, addict parents, abuse in all its forms or parenting style. This is why “ok” parents can still stoke the flames of codependency.

Before you connect with your child and understand what that means, it is vital to understand what your “little one” is going through. This means as a parent that you need to understand the developmental phases that they will naturally go through and adjust your parenting accordingly.

Swiss developmental psychologist, Jean Piaget, developed a framework of phases that described how children move through four clear developmental stages, acquiring cognitive abilities as they go. While Piaget stated that some children would enter and exit each stage at different times and might even show signs of more than one stage, his theory is seen by many as the definitive framework showing the development of thought, judgment and knowledge in humans. It is essential that parents understand these stages and how they can coach their child through as best they can. At the same time, forgetting much of what they learnt from their own parents.

The four stages are as follows:

Sensorimotor Stage: Birth to 24 months. From being totally dependent at birth, children start to realise they are an individual at about nine months when a basic memory also starts to develop. They go from trial and error tasting, shaking and throwing to recognising objects and crawling with increased cognitive abilities.

Pre-operational Stage: Two to Seven. Children start to think symbolically but thinking is not yet logical. Language use is more mature and memory starts to increasingly develop. However, children do not generally have skills to regulate time, comparison and cause and effect.

Concrete Operational Stage: Seven to Eleven. Children will develop increasing skills to reason and think logically. They are less egocentric and more aware of external events. Peers become more interesting and much more of an influence. They often express views and opinions and can fathom differing opinions amongst a peer group. There are limited skills for abstract and hypothetical thinking.

Formal Operational Stage: Eleven Plus. Children inn this stage are able to understand abstract concepts such as fairness and justice and often use them amongst peers. They can formulate systemic thinking and hypotheses. They can ponder relationships and what this means to them. Peer groups and acceptance become important and a clear sense of identity is formed.

By the time children reach stages three and four, much damage could have been done by the parenting style adopted. In my opinion, the second stage is critical and contains the “terrible two’s”, a phase where children are often misunderstood.

Effective Strategies

Parents can make a huge difference to the way a child copes with the Terrible Twos. Parents are often frustrated and this causes a response that is either too hard or brings no response at all. Some parents even try to reason with their child. Some rush to the doctor and many children of this age are medicated to try to stop what is, in effect normal developmental behaviour. It is important to have a strategy for these difficult times based on consistency and understanding.

Try to understand and find out as much as you can about how children behave in this phase. Try to understand the difference between what is normal and not normal behaviour. Forewarned is forearmed. Be consistent around such things as biting, whining and aggression.

Plan your day around your child…don’t expect them to fit into yours. Don’t plan a trip close to sleep times or expect young children to cope with long days. In this case, crankiness means they are not coping well. Behavioural issues will escalate under these circumstances.

As a parent, it is essential to understand a child’s developmental phases and the new challenges and abilities each brings. Activities and boundaries have to be geared to this.

Have a strategy for tantrums. That means:

Understanding that tantrums often come from frustration not bad behaviour.

It helps to see things from the child’s perspective. Is the child hungry, tired, expected to do things that are beyond its capabilities?

When tantrums happen, understanding that physical connection in a calm, protective way helps. In times of increased emotion, do not smack, shout or walk away but stand calmly close by and on the same level.

Focus on child, not environment. In these moments, what other people think is not important.

Keep calm, compassionate and understanding. Avoid frustration. A hug for a 2 or 3 year old will often temper frustration and tantrums quickly. Get down to your child’s level. Towering above them with finger wagging or shouting will distress and scare them.

When To Seek Medical Advice

If you are doing all of the above effectively and it still doesn’t work, then medical and behavioural help may be needed. For example, many children who suffer from Disruptive Behavioural Disorder go without help. This is epitomised by long, frequent outbursts and the inability to do age appropriate tasks. There is a raised level of frustration and outbursts are stronger and much harder to cope with. Children with DBD often get “stuck” in an emotion and cannot calm down for over 20 minutes. In this case, medication might be required and behavioural and parental help needed. However, the ability to recognise such disorders will only come from an understanding of what is and is not normal behaviour.

Dr. Nicholas Jenner, a therapist, coach, and speaker, has over 20 years of experience in the field of therapy and coaching. His specialty lies in treating codependency, a condition that is often characterized by a compulsive dependence on a partner, friend, or family member for emotional or psychological sustenance. Dr. Jenner’s approach to treating codependency involves using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a treatment method that has gained widespread popularity in recent years. He identifies the underlying causes of codependent behavior by exploring his patients’ internal “parts,” or their different emotional states, to develop strategies to break free from it. Dr. Jenner has authored numerous works on the topic and offers online therapy services to assist individuals in developing healthy relationships and achieving emotional independence.