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How Porn Can Fuel and Normalize Teen Dating Violence

Originally posted at: https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-can-normalize-violence-in-teen-dating-relationships

Porn teaches toxic lessons to teens. In discussions about teen dating violence, we can’t forget how porn both fuels and normalizes sexual violence.

Although it’s not often discussed, nearly 1 in 12 teens reports experiencing physical dating violence, according to a 2019 survey.1

Even less talked about is the fact that pornography plays a role in informing teens’ understanding of sex and relationships in unhealthy ways.2 In fact, even though many teens report learning about sex from porn, research suggests that porn may be making teens more sexually illiterate.3

Research also suggests that as little as 35.0% and as much as 88.2% of popular porn scenes contain physical violence or aggression, and that women are the targets of violence approximately 97% of the time.45

What is this teaching young people about sex?

Porn’s role in abuse

Reviews of the research on this topic reveal that porn can influence adolescents’ sexual attitudes and behavior, and can even play a role in increased sexual aggression.67

In fact, dozens and dozens of studies show a direct link between porn and increased sexual aggression, showing that porn consumption is a significant predictor of committing acts of sexual violence.8910

Additionally, research suggests that increased porn consumption is associated with men’s enjoyment of degrading and/or sexually aggressive behaviors.11

As one young person said in a recent study about porn’s influence on adolescents:

“My friend tried to choke his girlfriend once when they were having sex because he had seen it in a porno… it ended with the girlfriend slapping him and when he asked why she slapped him she said, ‘Because you were choking me.’” -Nicholas, 16, Glasgow12

Another increasingly common form of dating violence is image-based abuse, sometimes called “revenge porn.”

With this in mind, it’s important to remember that:

  • Any explicit content of a minor is legally considered “child pornography.”
  • According to the Internet Watch Foundation, approximately 1/3 of child sexual abuse images are originally shared by the depicted minors themselves.13
  • According to a longitudinal study on the topic, porn use significantly predicted more willingness to forward sexts nonconsensually.14
  • 1 in 3 underage teens say they have seen nonconsensually shared nudes of other minors.15
  • 1 in 12 U.S. adults report being victims of nonconsensual porn and 1 in 20 have been perpetrators of spreading it.16
You deserve to feel safe

Teens learn about sex from porn, but porn teaches toxic lessons. In discussions about teen dating violence, we can’t forget how porn both fuels and normalizes sexual violence.

Sexual violence is never a requirement to be a fulfilling, exciting partner. Everyone deserves to make their own decisions about sex, free from what porn dictates as being normal or required.

Everyone deserves to be in intimate dating relationships where they feel respected, valued, and safe. 

Citations

1Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Division of Adolescent and School Health. (2021). Youth risk behavior survey: Data summary & trends report 2009-2019. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/data/yrbs/pdf/YRBSDataSummaryTrendsReport2019-508.pdf

2British Board of Film Classification. (2020). Young people, pornography & age-verification. BBFC. Retrieved from https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-classification/research

3Wright, P. J., Tokunaga, R. S., Herbenick, D., & Paul, B. (2021). Pornography vs. sexual science: The role of pornography use and dependency in U.S. teenagers’ sexual illiteracy., 1-22. doi:10.1080/03637751.2021.1987486

4Fritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A Descriptive Analysis of the Types, Targets, and Relative Frequency of Aggression in Mainstream Pornography. Archives of sexual behavior, 49(8), 3041–3053. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0

5Bridges, A. J., Wosnitzer, R., Scharrer, E., Sun, C., & Liberman, R. (2010). Aggression and sexual behavior in best-selling pornography videos: a content analysis update. Violence against women, 16(10), 1065–1085. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801210382866

6Koletić G. (2017). Longitudinal associations between the use of sexually explicit material and adolescents’ attitudes and behaviors: A narrative review of studies. Journal of adolescence, 57, 119–133. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2017.04.006

7Peter, J., & Valkenburg, P. M. (2016). Adolescents and pornography: A review of 20 years of research. 53(4-5), 509-531. doi:10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

8Wright, P. J., Tokunaga, R. S., & Kraus, A. (2016). A meta-analysis of pornography consumption and actual acts of sexual aggression in general population studies. Journal of Communication, 66(1), 183-205. doi:10.1111/jcom.12201

9Peter, J., & Valkenburg, P. M. (2016). Adolescents and pornography: A review of 20 years of research. 53(4-5), 509-531. doi:10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

10Goodson, A., Franklin, C. A., & Bouffard, L. A. (2021). Male peer support and sexual assault: The relation between high-profile, high school sports participation and sexually predatory behaviour.27(1), 64-80. doi:10.1080/13552600.2020.1733111

11Ezzell, M. B., Johnson, J. A., Bridges, A. J., & Sun, C. F. (2020). I (dis)like it like that: Gender, pornography, and liking sex. J.Sex Marital Ther., 46(5), 460-473. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2020.1758860

12British Board of Film Classification. (2020). Young people, pornography & age-verification. BBFC. Retrieved from https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-classification/research

13Internet Watch Foundation. (2021). The annual report 2020: Self-generated child sexual abuse. Retrieved from https://annualreport2020.iwf.org.uk/trends/international/selfgenerated

14van Oosten, J., & Vandenbosch, L. (2020). Predicting the Willingness to Engage in Non-Consensual Forwarding of Sexts: The Role of Pornography and Instrumental Notions of Sex. Archives of sexual behavior, 49(4), 1121–1132. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-01580-2

15Thorn. (2020). Thorn research: Understanding sexually explicit images, self-produced by children. Retrieved from https://www.thorn.org/blog/thorn-research-understanding-sexually-explicit-images-self-produced-by-children/

16Ruvalcaba, Y., & Eaton, A. A. (2020). Nonconsensual pornography among U.S. adults: A sexual scripts framework on victimization, perpetration, and health correlates for women and men. Psychology of Violence, 10(1), 68–78. https://doi.org/10.1037/vio0000233

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Codependency: Why Red Flags Give Us All The Information We Need

Originally posted at: https://theonlinetherapist.blog/codependency-why-red-flags-give-us-all-the-information-we-need-2/

“The red flags are usually there, you just have to keep your eyes open wider than your heart.” ― April Mae Monterrosa

In my daily work with codependents, I hear a lot about so-called “red-flags”. Usually this comes when clients are describing the early stages of a relationship they were or are in. If they are describing a relationship with a certain personality type, the red flags are always evident and obvious but codependents choose to ignore them. They do this because they have usually been “hooked in” by the adulation given to them by the new partner. At the end of a difficult relationship, people often say, “He (or she) told me who he (or she) was at the very beginning, but I just didn’t listen.” In therapy, I ask my clients to analyse previous relationships and when they noticed “red flags”. A discussion can then be had about what would have been a functional way of dealing with them at the time. Of course, major lessons can be learned for the next relationship. On the whole, any of the issues listed below should bring a level of caution and ultimately an end to the relationship if they continue.

Let’s look at typical “red flags” that could occur in these types of relationships: Source: Psychology Today

Lack of communication. These individuals find it difficult to talk about issues or express how they feel. Often, when it would seem most important to be open and honest, they distance themselves emotionally, leaving their partner hanging, or having to deal with a situation on their own. Often, whatever is “communicated” is expressed through moodiness, and sometimes the dreaded “silent treatment.”

Irresponsible, immature, and unpredictable. Some people have trouble mastering basic life skills—taking care of themselves, managing their finances and personal space, holding onto a job, and making plans for their life and future. Small crises surrounding the way they live their daily life may take up a lot of time and energy. If so, there may be little time and energy left for you and your issues. These people may still be working on growing up. In other words, it may be hard to rely on them for almost anything.

Lack of trust. When a person has difficulty being honest with himself or herself, it may be hard for them to be honest with you. Some of this behaviour may not be calculated and malicious but simply a learned way or habit of coping. However, being out-and-out lied to is a no-brainer. A person who holds himself or herself unaccountable for their actions lacks integrity and lacks respect for their partner. You may feel, and rightly so, that there are a lot of “missing pieces,” so much that you don’t know or that is purposely hidden from you.

Significant family and friends don’t like your partner. If there is something “off” about this person that seems obvious to those who know you so well, you may need to listen to what they’re telling you. Often, in the throes of a new relationship, hearing criticism about your new “beloved” may not be welcome, but others may see things more clearly from an outsider’s perspective. At the very least, hear these people out.

Controlling behaviour. Similarly, a partner may attempt to “divide and conquer,” driving a wedge between you and other significant people in your life. They may be jealous of your ongoing relationships with these people or simply feel the need to control where you go and who you associate with, limiting your world to allow in only what is important to them. Sometimes, they may make you choose them over significant others as an expression of “love.”

Feeling insecure in the relationship. You may often feel that you don’t know where you stand in a relationship. Rather than moving forward, building on shared experiences that should be strengthening your connection, you feel uncomfortable, uncertain, or anxious about where it’s heading. You may seek reassurances from your partner, but somehow these are only momentary and fleeting. As a result, you may be working double duty to keep the relationship on track while your partner contributes little.

A dark or secretive past. Behaviours that are suspect, illegal activities, and addictive behaviours that haven’t been resolved and continue into your relationship are obvious red flags. But you shouldn’t ignore or excuse anything that strikes you as strange or makes you feel uncomfortable. (Of course, if a person has done the necessary corrective work and continues doing so for their own good and for the good of the relationship, that is a different story.)

Non-resolution of past relationships. These include not just intimate relationships but those with family members and friends. If a person is unable to evaluate why past relationships haven’t worked out, or consistently blames the other party for all of the problems, you can bet with a great deal of confidence that the same thing could happen with your relationship.

The relationship is built on the need to feel needed. Often we enter into a relationship strongly identified with our needs. The need may be that you, my partner, must do certain things for me to make me feel secure and satisfied, or that you allow me, your partner, to feel needed by fulfilling your needs. If this dynamic is the focal point of a relationship, however, there may be little room for real growth, individually or as a couple.

Abusive behaviour. Finally, and of course, any form of abuse, from the seemingly mild to the overtly obvious—verbal, emotional, psychological, and certainly physical—is not just a red flag but a huge banner telling you to get out immediately and never look back.