CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Recovery Articles

By

Quest for Authentic Manhood

I cannot recommend this course enough for those of us new in recovery. This course helped me see my father wound, mother wound, and my own wounds and is a great course in family of origin issues but most importantly on how to become a real man; a man of God. This course was key in my own personal recovery and in following God’s calling to start Castimonia. – Jorge

Good Morning Mighty Men and Happy St. Patrick’s Day,

In exactly 1 WEEK FROM TODAY on Thursday, March 24th we will be starting the “Quest for Authentic Manhood” class at The Fellowship! Quest for Authentic Manhood is the class that I went through while I was homeless living at the Salvation Army. This class taught me that as a man I am not alone in the struggles that we all face in todays world. This class was the beginning for me in learning how to live my life for Jesus and to be a responsible Christian Man.

Some of the topics that we will dive into include:

  • Facing the Father Wound
  • The All Alone Wound
  • A Man and His Wife
  • 25 ways to be a Servant Leader
  • Fathers and Sons
  • Fathers and Daughters
  • A Man and His Life Journey

I GUARANTEE that after going through this class you will be a better husband, father, brother, son, employee and all around better man! The class will be held every Thursday night from 7:00-8:30 pm in the LOFT COMMONS in the NEXT GEN Building of The Fellowship located at 22765 Westheimer Parkway, Katy, TX 77450. Please click on the below link to register:

https://thefellowship.brushfire.com/events/528704

We look forward to seeing you guys on March 24th and please email me with any questions at men@thefellowship.orgI Love you Guys and I pray for you every single day!

By

Only the Body Matters

Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org

As a young man, over the course of about 20 years, I was the proud owner of five different 1966 Mustang convertibles, each in excellent condition. As a classic car lover, I attended numerous car shows each year. And I found a couple of things interesting. 

  1. We overlook the dings and scratches in the other cars, but notice every imperfection in our own car.
  2. When we browse any classic car collection, we mostly look at each car’s body. We never hear the cars run, nor do we care too much about what is under the hood, as long as the body looks good.

Sex addicts view women the same way. We tend to notice the imperfections of our wives, while ignoring the flaws of other women for whom we lust. And as long as their body looks good, we don’t care so much about what is “under the hood.”

This is a pattern that can only be broken through the hard work of recovery. 

Recovery Step: The Bible says to “rejoice with the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). It’s okay to enjoy her body, but it’s more important to embrace what’s “under the hood.”

By

Obsessed With That Certain Someone? Look To Developmental Issues

Originally posted at: https://theonlinetherapist.blog/obsessed-with-that-certain-someone-look-to-developmental-issues/

It’s is very often that I come across clients who are obsessed with someone. The level of obsession is so high that it often means that normal life cannot carry on without some form of validation. This obsession is often aimed at people who are either unavailable or pulling away, making the process harder. Sometimes, it is very difficult to see why the obsession exists if you look at the two people concerned who seem to have very little in common.

In the case of an obsession with a therapist, one can understand it to a certain extent. Therapy is a safe space and the therapist holds this for people who have perhaps never had that before. It is the job of the therapist to keep the boundaries in place to ensure that it remains a safe space. This isn’t always done and can be very damaging for a client when it finally happens that boundaries are set. It could (or should) be the end of therapy or a referral at that point. Something an obsessed client will find hard to take.

I have been offering online therapy for over 10 years. During that time, I have built up a speciality in many areas of psychology and helped many clients move forward. Contact me for a free consultation. I engage fully with my clients to ensure the best possible chance of recovery. I firmly believe that awareness is important but action is the decisive element of recovery. I accompany my clients along that road not only by offering sessions focusing on their issues but as a resource between sessions too. 

Therapy aside, many people get obsessed with others that they have been in or want to be in a relationship with and it can be debilitating. Work suffers, relationships suffer as obsessive thinking and the need to have contact or have this person in their lives plays out. It is almost an addiction.

Any obsession can be similar to the concept described by the Addiction Cycle. The cycle builds up the need (thinking), it builds up further (obsession) and a need has to be exercised (contact). This needs to be broken for someone to move on. Either contact has to be cut completely (which is often the best option) or the thinking has to be controlled by countering the thoughts that drive towards obsession. This is a very difficult stage for the obsessed who cannot imagine not having this person in their life (sometimes after they are long gone and ignoring them, which fuels feelings of abandonment).

The other deeper area where the issue could lie is due to developmental issues. Children naturally seek closeness to their parents and if that is rejected or neglected, the child reacts and craves contact. My thinking about this is as follows: “Is there an era in child development when it is normal to feel this?” An obsession with another person brings to mind two times in life where this might happen.

The first is quite early at three or four. At that point we have enough language and cognition to hold images of primary caregivers we need and love plus the language to go with it. When that person or people are absent constantly, a child can think of nothing but them, feels sadness and desperation. The second is in early adolescence when girls, especially, have “crushes” on adults. There is a similar quality to this, the need to be close, the yearning, to emulate and be loved.

Extreme obsession could also be due to Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD) where high level feelings of attraction and protection lead to obsessive thoughts that someone in authority is in love with the person obsessed.

Symptoms of OLD may include:

  • an overwhelming attraction to one person
  • obsessive thoughts about the person
  • feeling the need to “protect” the person you’re in love with
  • possessive thoughts and actions
  • extreme jealousy over other interpersonal interactions
  • low self-esteem

People who have OLD may also not take rejection easily. In some cases, the symptoms could worsen at the end of a relationship or if the other person rejects. There are other signs of this disorder, such as:

  • repeated texts, emails, and phone calls to the person they’re interested in
  • a constant need for reassurance
  • difficulty having friendships or maintaining contact with family members because of the obsession over one person
  • monitoring the actions of the other person
  • controlling where the other person goes and the activities they engage in (Source: Healthline)

The causes of Obsessive Love Disorder lie in attachment issues with parents, BPD or what is known as Delusional Jealousy where the obsessed cannot accept someone could reject them and refuse to believe that feelings aren’t being reciprocated. This is often consolidated by Relationship OCD (not an official disorder) where control is sought over a partner and relationships are very rigidly played out.

While OLD is seen as rare, it is getting more attention but is not recognized as yet as an official disorder by the DSM due to it overlapping with other mental health disabilities. A diagnosis is made by a mental health professional but advisable is to see a medical doctor too to rule out any medical issues.

Treatment is often on two fronts, medication and talk therapy. Sufferers are encouraged to form a protective wall of no contact around the person while they work on deeper issues.

By

Off By One Degree

Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org

If you aim at something, but are off by just one degree, will it really matter? Actually, yes.

If you are off by just one degree over the course of a mile, you will miss your target by 92 feet. If you were to fly from New York to Los Angeles, and be off by just one degree, you’d miss your target by 50 miles. 

Many of us treat recovery like hand grenades and dancing – close is good enough. 

But is close good enough? That would be a firm “NO!”

Yes, it’s about progress, not perfection. But never give yourself permission to view porn, masturbate, sext, or visit sexually provocative websites. To be off by just one degree would be comparable to a quick slip. No big deal, unless that slip is off the side of a mountain.

Recovery Step: “Let him who sins sin no more” (John 8:7).