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Recovery Articles

September 16, 2020 By Castimonia

Me & The Devil Had A Talk Today

by Rob Weddle

Lord, thank You for the many blessings You have bestowed upon me. Thank You for my house, my job, a car that runs, and for my family.

THE DEVIL: “Remember when we waved goodbye to our family last night? That’s the last time we shall ever see them. Burn the image in our mind, for it is the last we shall have this side of Heaven.”

Thank You for my grandkids. Thank You for my children and my son-in-law. They’re so amazing, Lord. What a blessing they are to me. Thank You for their gifts and their calling. Thank You for the humor and joy.

“But what if they get in a car crash today? What if we lose them all? What if we’re left alone in this world?”

Thank You, Jesus, that I am never alone. Thank You for the knowledge that, should something terrible happen, You are always with me. Nothing can separate us from Your love!

“Soon, God is all we shall have, and we shall be the epitome of sadness and tragedy. We shall be above all creatures most miserable”

(Opening my Bible to Philippians 4:8, and reading aloud), “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

“We have so much to do today. What if we can’t get it all done? What if we fail?”

Help me to keep my eyes only on You, Jesus. Let me keep my gaze fixed upon You only. I can do nothing in this world apart from You.

“But what about…”

(Reading out loud from Proverbs 4:25‭-‬27) “Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.”

Thank You, Lord, for redemption and healing. Thank You for mercy and grace.

“We’re 52 years old and in chronic pain. We struggle with depression and even sadness. Things shall only get worse as we grow older.”

(Reading out loud from John 16:33), “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Though my bones ache and my spirit cry, I shall serve You. Though my eyes grow dim and my days longer, I shall worship You. Though my body grow weaker, my spirit shall grow stronger.

“But if…”

I am DONE with these lies from the enemy, my Lord. (Reading aloud from 1 John 4:4), “But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. “

Thank You for victory, Lord. Thank You for peace. In Your name I pray all these things.

Amen.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: castimonia, porn, porn addiction, sex addiction, sexual, sexual addiction

September 12, 2020 By Castimonia

God’s Purpose Behind Our Problems

Article Source: Unknown

Life is a series of problem-solving opportunities.

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you – depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring.

Here are five ways God wants to use the problems in your life:

1. God uses problems to DIRECT you. Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention? “Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways.” Pr. 20:30 (GN)

2. God uses problems to INSPECT you. People are like teabags… if you want to know what’s inside them, just drop them into hot water! Has God ever tested your faith with a problem? What do problems reveal about you? When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience.” James 1:2-3 (NCV)

3. God uses problems to CORRECT you. Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It’s likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something… health, money, a relationship … by losing it. “… It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws.” Ps 119:71-72 (LB)

4. God uses problems to PROTECT you. A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem – but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management’s actions were eventually discovered. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…” Gen 50:20 (NIV)

5. God uses problems to PERFECT you. Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you’re going to take with you into eternity. “We can rejoice when we run into problems …they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady.” Rom. 5:3-4 (LB)

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: castimonia, God, Problems, sex addiction, sexual

September 8, 2020 By Castimonia

10 Reasons to Believe in a God Who Allows Suffering

SOURCE:  (Adapted from RBC Ministries )

1. Suffering Comes With The Freedom To Choose.

Loving parents long to protect their children from unnecessary pain. But wise parents know the danger of over-protection. They know that the freedom to choose is at the heart of what it means to be human and that a world without choice would be worse than a world without pain. Worse yet would be a world populated by people who could make wrong choices without feeling any pain. No one is more dangerous than the liar, thief, or killer who doesn’t feel the harm o he is doing to himself and to others (Gen. 2:15-17).

2. Pain Can Warn Us Of Danger.

We hate pain, especially in those we love. Yet without discomfort, the sick wouldn’t go to a doctor. Worn-out bodies would get no rest. Criminals wouldn’t fear the law. Children would laugh at correction. Without pangs of conscience, the daily dissatisfaction of boredom, or the empty longing for significance, people who are made to find satisfaction in an eternal Father would settle for far less. The example of Solomon, lured by pleasure and taught by his pain, shows us that even the wisest among us tend to drift from good and from God until arrested by the resulting pain of their own shortsighted choices (Eccl. 1-12; Ps. 78:34-35; Rom. 3:10-18).

3. Suffering Reveals What Is In Our Hearts.

Suffering often occurs at the hand of others. But is has a way of revealing what is in our own hearts. Capacities for love, mercy, anger, envy, and pride can lie dormant until awakened by circumstances. Strength and weakness of heart is found not when everything is going our way but when flames of suffering and temptation test the mettle of our character. As gold and silver are refined by fire, and as coal needs time and pressure to become a diamond, the human heart is revealed and developed by enduring the pressure and heat of time and circumstance. Strength of character is shown not when all is well with our world but in the presence of human pain and suffering. (Job 42:1-17; Rom. 5:3-5; James 1:1-5; 1 Pet. 1:6-8).

4. Suffering Takes Us To The Edge Of Eternity.

If death is the end of everything, then a life filled with suffering isn’t fair. But if the end of this life brings us to the threshold of eternity, then the most fortunate people in the universe are those who discover, through suffering, that this life is not all we have to live for. Those who find themselves and their eternal God through suffering have not wasted their pain. They have let their poverty, grief, and hunger drive them to the Lord of eternity. They are the ones who will discover to their own unending joy why Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor n spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt. 5:1-12; Rom. 8:18-19).

5. Pain Loosens Our Grip On This Life.

In time, our work and our opinions are sought less and less. Our bodies become increasingly worse for the wear. Gradually they succumb to inevitable obsolescence. Joints stiffen and ache. Eyes grow dim. Digestion slows. Sleep becomes difficult. Problems loom larger and larger while options narrow. Yet, if death is not the end but the threshold of a new day, then the curse of old age is also a blessing. Each new pain makes this world less inviting and the next life more appealing. In its own way, pain paves the way for a graceful departure.

6. Suffering Gives Opportunity To Trust God.

The most famous sufferer of all time was a man named Job. According to the Bible, Job lost his family to war, his wealth to wind and fire, and his health to painful boils. Through it all, God never told Job why it was happening. As Job endured the accusations of his friends, heaven remained silent. When God finally did speak, He did not reveal that His archenemy Satan had challenged Job’s motives for serving God. Neither did the Lord apologize for allowing Satan to test Job’s devotion to God. Instead, God talked about mountain goats giving birth, young lions on the hunt, and ravens in the next. He cited the behavior of the ostrich, the strength of the ox, and the stride of the horse. He cited the wonders of the heavens, the marvels of the sea, and the cycle of the seasons. Job was left to conclude that if God had the power and wisdom to create this physical universe, there was reason to trust that same God in times of suffering (Job 1-42).

7. God Suffers With Us In Our Suffering.

No one has suffered more than our Father in heaven. No one has paid more dearly for the allowance of sin into the world. No one has so continuously grieved over the pain of a race gone bad. No one has suffered like the One who paid for our sin in the crucified body of His own Son. No one has suffered more than the One who, when He stretched out His arms and died, showed us how much He loved us. It is this God who, in drawing us to Himself, asks us to trust Him when we are suffering and when our own loved ones cry out in our presence (1 Pet. 2:21; 3:18; 4:1).

8. God’s Comfort Is Greater Than Our Suffering.

The apostle Paul pleaded with the Lord to take away an unidentified source of suffering. But the Lord declined saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” “Therefore,” said Paul, “most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:9-10). Paul learned that he would rather be with Christ in suffering than without Christ in good health and pleasant circumstances.

9. In Times Of Crisis, We Find One Another.

No one would choose pain and suffering. But when there is no choice, there remains some consolation. Natural disasters and times of crisis have a way of bringing us together. Hurricanes, fires, earthquakes, riots, illnesses, and accidents all have a way of bringing us to our senses. Suddenly we remember our own mortality and that people are more important than things. We remember that we do need one another and then, above all, we need God.

Each time we discover God’s comfort in our own suffering, our capacity to help others is increased. This is what the apostle Paul had in mind when he wrote, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Cor. 1:3-4).

10. God Can Turn Suffering Around For Our Good.

This truth is best seen in the many examples of the Bible. Through Job’s suffering, we see a man who not only came to a deeper understanding of God but who also became a source of encouragement for people in every generation to follow. Through the rejection, betrayal, enslavement, and wrongful imprisonment of a man named Joseph, we see someone who eventually was able to say to those who had hurt him, “You meant evil against me; but God meant it for good” (Gen. 50:20).

When everything in us screams at the heavens for allowing suffering, we have reason to look at the eternal outcome and joy of Jesus who in His own suffering on an executioner’s cross cried, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Matt. 27:46).

YOU’RE NOT ALONE if the unfairness and suffering of life leave you unconvinced that a God in heaven cares for you. But consider again the suffering of the One called by the prophet Isaiah, “a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Is. 53:3). Think about His slashed back, His bloodied forehead, His nail-ripped hands and feet, His pierced side, His agony in the Garden, and His pathetic cry of abandonment. Consider Christ’s claim that He was suffering not for His sins but for ours. To give us the freedom to choose, He lets us suffer. But He Himself bore the ultimate penalty and pain for all our sins (2 Cor. 5:21; 1 Pet. 2: 24).

When you do see the reason for His suffering, keep in mind that the Bible says Christ died to pay the price for our sins and that those who believe in their heart that God has raised Him from the dead will be saved (Rom. 10:9-10). The forgiveness and eternal life Christ offers is not a reward for effort but a gift to all who, in light of the evidence, put their trust in Him.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: God, suffering

September 4, 2020 By Castimonia

Jesus Controls My Chaos

Editor’s Note:  Even as Jesus is able to set the boundaries of the Earth’s seas and control their fury, He is able to wisely and compassionately set limits on and control the chaos, destruction, and fury of life’s storms that affect each one of us.

Jesus Stills the Storm

SOURCE:  R.C. Sproul/Ligonier Ministries

“The men marveled, saying, ‘What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?’” (v. 27).  – Matthew 8:23–27

Having explained the cost of discipleship to two would-be followers, Jesus and His disciples set out to cross the Sea of Galilee (Matt. 8:23). Little do the disciples know that this journey will give their teacher an opportunity to show forth His identity in a way they have not yet seen.

Because of its geographical location, violent squalls frequently occur on the open water of the Sea of Galilee, especially in the period between May and October. Seasoned fishermen like Peter, Andrew, James, and John (4:18–22) are certainly familiar with such storms, and so their fear, evident in Matthew 8:24–27, shows that the turbulence in which they find themselves is unusually fierce.

However, despite the storm’s ferocity, Jesus is able to sleep peacefully as the boat traverses the waves. This indicates His great trust in God and comfort in His faithful obedience because the Old Testament understands sound sleep to be a gift from God to His holy people (Lev. 26:6).

Christ’s ability to sleep in the storm is more remarkable when we consider that the boat in which His company is traveling is the customary fishing boat of His day, just big enough to accommodate the small group of men and a large catch of fish. The sailors are completely exposed to the elements. Jesus is not worried like the others even though He feels the storm’s effects no less than they do.

Yet Jesus’ command of the storm tells us about much more than His great faith.

In the biblical worldview, the sea and the storm are associated with chaos and destruction (Ps. 69:1–2). Only God can control the sea, and in fact, He sets its boundary and stills its fury (Job 38:8–11). That Jesus is able to silence the storm and still the waves indicates that He possesses an authority equal to the Creator’s (Matt. 8:26–27). The disciples marvel at this miracle because it is evidence that their beloved rabbi is more than just a teacher; He is in fact God Almighty.

John Chrysostom writes that “[Jesus’] sleeping showed he was a man. His calming of the seas declared him God” (Homilies on the Gospel of Saint Matthew, 28.1).

We put our lives in Jesus’ hands based on the evidence of His power. Today’s passage shows us that we can trust Him because He has authority over all nature and is worthy of our faith since He is the incarnate God over all creation. We follow the Creator of all things, not merely a good man. Take time today to review biblical teaching on the divinity of Christ (for example, John 1:1–18) so that you may be confident that your trust in Him will never be in vain.

Passages for Further Study

Proverbs 8:22–31
Jeremiah 5:22; 31:35
Mark 4:35–41
Acts 27:13–44

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: Bible, Chaos, Jesus, Storm

September 1, 2020 By K.LeVeq

Amends…Should I?

We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. – Step 9

Amends. Amends are defined as to compensate or make up for a wrongdoing. For me, Step 9 seemed overwhelming and terrifying. But necessary. Something I couldn’t not do. By the time I reached this step, I had been in recovery for almost a year. I had disclosed my wrong doings to my wife, read my first step in front of a room full of men at a Castimonia meeting, and shared my step five, the core of my addiction, with a friend who had no idea what addiction was or the impact on others. Making amends didn’t seem like a choice more like a given. 

After I made amends…to my wife, my kids, my mother, former co-workers, my friends…I got to see God work in the aftermath first hand. Some of those relationships ended. A few without acknowledgment. A couple of former co-workers heard my amends and dismissed them, choosing to hold on to who I was and what I had done before. 

Many relationships gained a level of closure. My mother and were strained at the end of her life. I loved her but couldn’t have her negativity and unhealthiness as a part of my every day. I was able to get to a detente, a peace, with her. I explained to her how I felt I had wronged her, how my behavior had been disappointing and detrimental to her and my father. She didn’t want to hear it, wanting to excuse it and let me off easily, but I asked her to let me finish. She did, was gracious, and we had the rest of her time together without walls between us.

Some relationships have been restored. My oldest son saw the betrayal I had towards him and his brother and mother, and completely shut me out for over a year. He refused to speak to me or acknowledge me. He sought his own healing and recovery, found it, and in the process allowed me to be his Dad again. My youngest son only asked me to do one thing…don’t lie to him anymore. 

And my wife…my wife has spent the last 3 plus years trying to muscle past the totality of deception and hurt I inflicted on her, forget it, bury it deep, and act as if it didn’t happen.  She did so because she thought that would restore our relationship, not seeing that she needed that time to recover and heal. When the hurt and resentments became too much for her, she started seeing a counselor, finding health and allowing our two to become one again.

But what if I hadn’t chosen to make amends? What would have happened? This question occurred to me while reading Proverbs. In chapter 5, starting in verse 11, Solomon reveals a picture of a man at the end of his life, lamenting the results of his adultery and refusal to repent:

“And when you groan at your latter end, When your flesh and your body are consumed; And you say, “How I have hated instruction! And my heart spurned reproof! And I have not listened to the voice of my teachers, Nor inclined my ear to my instructors! I was almost in utter ruin in the midst of the assembly and congregation.”

I had a very good friend who passed away about a year ago. He knew me before and after recovery. We had similar jobs, boys who were close in age, and met for coffee together over the years. In the midst of my early recovery, he confessed to me that he and his wife had separated, and that he had fallen in love with another woman from work. I asked if he had been pursuing that relationship prior to leaving his wife…and he wouldn’t answer. 

We spoke a number of times over the next few months. Through his divorce, cancer diagnosis, new marriage, and pain and dismay at the toll all of this was taking on his boys. His health deteriorated and his personal life continued to be a source of constant regret. Prior to his death, he told me that he never should have divorced his first wife, that he regretted the impact on his sons, his family, and his legacy. His legacy…that got my attention.

Recently I was talking with a great friend in recovery. He was stuck in his step work and reached out for help much as I have reached out to him in the past. You know how you meet guys who you can just see what God is going to do through them for others, he is one of those guys. He was asking a couple of us experienced (older I think is what he actually meant) guys on how he can get motivated to move forward. I shared with him the impact of amends. The gift of giving that to your wife, your friends, your kids, your co-workers…giving them that opportunity to release that hurt and resentment. Of how he was depriving them of that chance to let go. 

What I missed at the time was also what he was missing. He was missing the front row seat to watch God work in hurt, resentment, difficulty, pain…and use it for His will. And to build a new legacy…one of transparency, humility, and submission to God.

Not a bad way forward.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: adultery, amends, castimonia, sex addiction, Step 9

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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