Castimonia

September 24, 2025 By Castimonia

The Apostle Paul: 5 Secrets to Fighting Sexual Sin

originally posted at: https://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/apostle-pauls-secret-fighting-sexual-sin/

Luke Gilkerson has a BA in Philosophy and Religious Studies and an MA in Religion. He is the author of Your Brain on Porn and The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality. Luke and his wife Trisha blog at IntoxicatedOnLife.com

Hugh Hefner didn’t invent sexual sin. It is a problem that has been around since our ancestors walked east of Eden, and it will be around until the new Jerusalem descends upon us. The good news is that the Bible promises that we can experience foretastes of that coming freedom in the here and now. But how?

The Apostle Paul commands the Christians in Colossae, “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5). But how do we do this? If we rip this verse away from the letter, we’re likely to apply it the wrong way, so we need to look closely to understand what Paul is talking about.

1. Fighting Sexual Sin Is Not About “Do More, Try Harder”

A dangerous philosophy was circulating in the church at Colossae. It was championing asceticism: If you want to remain pure, then separate yourself from the pleasures of the body that are so often a source of temptation. This philosophy said if you really want the fullness of divine life within you, then insulate your life.

But Paul delivers a crushing blow to this philosophy:

“If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations—“Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch” (referring to things that all perish as they are used)—according to human precepts and teachings? These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh” (Colossians 2:20-23).

No value. That is Paul’s verdict on asceticism. It simply doesn’t work. Yes, there is a grain of truth in the philosophy—all popular philosophies contain at least some wisdom in them. If you are tempted to sin sexually, then it makes sense to get away from sexual temptations. This will keep sin at bay—but ultimately the flesh remains unsatiated.

This false philosophy is still circulating in the church today. When the best advice we can give people is better filters, cold showers, more hours in prayer, and trying harder, we have given into this philosophy that Paul says is of no value.

This false philosophy either totally underestimates the power of sin or sets the benchmark of holiness too low. It either doesn’t get just how ingrained sexual sin is in us or thinks that merely getting rid of outward, blatant sexual sin is the goal. Neither is accurate.

2. Fighting Sexual Sin Starts With a New Identity

Paul offers his readers another approach to fighting sin, and it starts with these core identity statements:

“With Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world” (2:20).
“You have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God” (3:3).
“You have been raised with Christ” (3:1).
“You were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead” (2:12).
“You have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self” (3:9-10).
“The riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory” (1:27).

This is where a lot of modern readers check out. “Don’t give me these abstract theological ideas. I need something practical,” they think. But for Paul, there was nothing more practical, nothing more life-changing, than these ideas.

We are united to the risen Christ by faith. His resurrection life flows in our veins now. The Spirit of the living Christ lives inside us, so we no longer belong to this world and the rules it plays by—we belong to Christ and the age to come. In order to have the power to fight lust, we first have to understand this: we no longer belong to sin. We belong to God who has accepted us and forgiven us, not because we purified ourselves first, but because we are united by faith to the Pure One, Jesus Christ.

[Tweet “In order to fight lust, we must understand that we no longer belong to lust.”]

3. Fighting Sexual Sin Continues by Kindling New Desires

Knowing we are united to the living Christ, Paul writes, “Seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth” (3:1-2). The terms Paul uses here mean to center one’s interests, focus, and passions on something—to savor something. Now that God has united us to the risen Christ, we savor that reality, and this kindles new desires in us that displace a desire for sin.

What are these “things” above that we should savor?

First, we are to savor Christ himself. This is one of the reasons why Paul spills a lot of ink in this letter describing who Christ is. He is the beloved Son of God (1:13), the image of the invisible God (1:15), creator and sustainer of all things (1:16-17), the one whose blood reconciles us to the Father (1:20), the firstborn from the dead (1:18), and the one seated at God’s right hand (3:1). In him all the riches of wisdom and knowledge are hidden (2:3). The fullness of deity dwells in Him (1:19; 2:9).
Second, we are to savor our new position before God. Christ is seated at God’s right hand and we are seated with Him (Ephesians 2:6). To be seated at a ruler’s right hand meant to be in the position of greatest authority, honor, and delight. Because Christ is in us, we share in the favor He has with the Father.
Third, we are to savor the hope that someday we will see and experience these realities. Someday, Christ Himself will appear and we will appear with Him in glory (1:4). It is our destiny to be like the holy, pure Son of God. Some day our eyes will see the one who died for us and rose again, the one who is God in the flesh, and God will honor us as his royal children before every creature, every human soul, and every angelic being in the universe.

How does this practically help us to fight sexual sin? The reason why sexual sin can have such a grip on us is because of its power to define us and what is most valuable, how sexual pleasure makes us feel about ourselves. Sexual fantasy, pornography, or pursuing illicit sex makes us feel desired; it makes us feel valued and validated; it gives us a refuge; it gives us connection; it can even make us feel powerful. This is why setting our affections on things above is so important: It gives us a new center to our lives and gives us a completely new sense of value—not based on our worthiness but based on the love God has for Christ that overflows to us.

4. Fighting Sexual Sin Is About Fighting for Our New Desires

Finally, we come to Colossians 3:5, “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”

Paul here is not endorsing asceticism—something he has already refuted. Asceticism is about fighting to get rid of something we think is unholy, but mortifying sin is about fighting for the new affections that God is giving to us.

We can construct helpful boundaries in our lives that keep sexual sin out of reach, but we should do so by standing on our identity as God’s beloved children and standing satisfied in Christ and God’s love. When sexual temptation comes knocking, we can say to it, “No, sin. That’s not who I am anymore. You do not define what life is to me anymore. You do not define me anymore. Christ is in me. I am a child of the king, and one day the whole world will know it.”

5. Fighting Sexual Sin Is Sustained by Relationships That Remind Us of Our New Identity

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God” (Colossians 3:16).

This is the essence of real accountability in the body of Christ. Yes, accountability involves confessing our temptations, sins, and the state of our hearts, but it also involves godly encouragement. Accountability is not just about someone calling you out on your sin, but someone calling you up to the person you already are in Christ. Accountability is about surrounding yourself with the kind of Christian friendships that teach and admonish you, that inspire thankfulness, and that help us unpack all the wisdom contained in the great mystery that Paul called “Christ in us, the hope of glory” (1:27).

Accountability is like stoking the embers of a fire. It does not add energy to the embers. It only exposes those embers to the air so new reactions can happen. When we engage in the disciplines of confession, encouragement, and mutual prayer, we expose our souls again to the life-changing gospel, and God’s power is released again and again.

September 20, 2025 By Castimonia

Twice in One Day

Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org

Jesus must have valued time alone. He withdrew to a place by himself – twice in the same day.

First, we read, “Jesus withdrew from that place” (Matthew 12:15).

Just a few verses later, we read a follow-up. “That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake” (Matthew 13:1).

Psychologist Barbara Blatchley identifies several benefits of solitude. She says time alone heightens our creativity, deepens our spirituality, and replenishes us so we can make greater connections with others.

A 2019 study was conducted, in which 313 adults were asked about their time spent alone and with their social relationships. It was found that those who spend the most time in personal solitude have the strongest social relationships.

Recovery Step: If you want better connections with others (a key component of recovery), take time to connect with yourself first.

September 17, 2025 By Castimonia

Castimonia Retreat Registration Full (Waitlist Open)

I am in amazement that we filled up the retreat in just over a month and a half!

We have now opened our wait list on a first come first serve basis. Please contact info@castimonia.org to be placed on the list.

Retreat Dates: November 7th – 9th
Early Registration through August 31st – $195
Regular Registration September 1st – November 4th – $220

For more information or to register please use the link below:

Castimonia.org/retreat

September 16, 2025 By Castimonia

Understanding Struggling

originally posted at: https://sexuallypuremen.beehiiv.com/p/understanding-struggling-6d8c?

There’s a subtle, but deeply important, misstep many men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors (PSBs) make—and it often shows up during a well-intended effort to be honest.

It occurs during check-ins with a partner. A man wants to demonstrate accountability and openness. He tells her, “I was really struggling today.” She asks why. “I saw an attractive woman in revealing clothing and had to tell myself not to look again.”

Sounds responsible, right? Transparent? Maybe even admirable?

Actually—it is a mistake. One that, although rooted in a desire to build trust, ends up doing the opposite. It unnecessarily elevates a betrayed partner’s fear and anxiety, and more importantly, misrepresents what recovery is supposed to look like.

Observing Is Not Objectifying

Let us clearly break this down. A man notices a woman. She’s attractive. His brain registers this—because that’s how our brains function. Then he redirects. He makes a conscious choice not to objectify. He honors his wife. He embraces his new values. He shows restraint.

That is not a struggle.

That is growth. That is healing. That is success.

But in his mind, he labels it, “I struggled.” And when he reports that to his partner, it reinforces her belief that she has to stay hypervigilant. That his sobriety is fragile. That relapse is right around the corner.

Why This Distortion Happens

Often, this faulty labeling stems from guilt, shame, and the emotional confusion of the Inner Child. With the Inner Child Model™, we recognize within every man struggling with compulsive behaviors is a collection of wounded inner children—each carrying unmet emotional needs, false beliefs, and unresolved trauma.

These pains were formed in environments that led to the false beliefs that attention equals worth or that sexualization is the fastest route to emotional relief. When this wounded self sees someone who draws his attention, the wound becomes internally activated. But when the mature self, steps in—pauses, redirects, chooses dignity—that is a sign healing is happening.

The problem is many men are still fused with their Inner Child’sshame. So even when they handle things well, they feel like they’ve failed. Because their Inner Child still believes, “I shouldn’t even notice her,” or “Feeling temptation means I have failed.”

Temptation Is Not Failure

A quick glance is not the same as ogling. Noticing is not the same as fantasizing. And temptation is not the same as acting out.

Yet many men confuse awareness with struggling. They see their emotional reaction—an internal nudge of arousal or curiosity—as proof they are still broken. But they are not. That internal cue is simply a moment to practice the skills they have worked hard to build: emotional regulation, healthy boundaries, and self-awareness.

The Cost of Over-Reporting

When a man tells his partner he “struggled” in a moment where he actually succeeded, he does two things:

He misrepresents his progress
This undermines his own confidence and creates a distorted view of what recovery really looks like. Sobriety is not a flatline—it is learning to navigate life’s stimuli without being controlled by them.
He injects unnecessary fear into his relationship
His partner, already wounded by betrayal, is searching for safety. When he mislabels success as struggle, she is forced to question whether she can ever trust again.

This is not honesty—it is misplaced guilt dressed up as transparency.

Practice Healthy Accountability

Let me be clear—I am not saying men should withhold information. Accountability is essential. But accuracy is too.Partners need honesty, but they do not need distorted narratives that trigger unnecessary fear.

Instead of saying, “I struggled,” say something like this:

“I noticed someone today who was dressed inappropriately. I quickly looked away and reminded myself of who I want to be. I felt proud of how I handled it.”

This is what it sounds like when the mature self is in charge. This tells your partner the truth—you are practicing recovery. It tells your Inner Child—you are not bad, you are healing. And it tells you—you can trust yourself again.

Celebrate Wins, Do not Shame Them

Recovery is not about becoming blind. It is about seeing clearly and choosing well. That is not a struggle. That is a sign of strength.

So if you are committed to honesty, then be honest about your progress. Don’t feed shame by calling a victory a failure. Don’t confuse awareness with acting out. And above all, do not add fear to your relationship when what you have actually earned is trust.

This is how we stop living from the Inner Child and start leading from the healthy adult.

Let us stop mislabeling success as failure. Call it what it is – healing.

Final Thought: Be Honest

If you are struggling—admit it. Hiding will not heal it. Yes, your partner may be hurt. She may feel disappointed. But if you are genuinely pursuing transformation, you must walk in the light. That means being honest. Not half-truths. Not vague confessions. But real, humble ownership.

Trying to downplay or minimize what you have done only keeps you stuck. You do not grow through deception—you grow through surrender.

If you catch yourself objectifying, do not sweep it under the rug. Ask yourself: What just happened? Where did I disconnect emotionally? What pain or fear drove my actions?

Use the moment—not to shame yourself—but to learn, grow, and reconnect with the deeper work God is doing in your heart.

True healing begins when you are willing to face yourself… honestly.

If you would like to learn more about how the Inner Child Model™ can assist those struggling with Betrayal Trauma, here is a link to a presentation I did on the subject two weeks ago. Click on the first video with my photo. Let me know if you have any questions by reaching out to innerchildmodel@gmail.com. Blessings.

September 16, 2025 By Castimonia

Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 126 – Jake Kastleman Interview

Many of us men don’t understand how to relate to our addiction with compassion. We get sober by suppressing the “addict parts” of our mind, without realizing the roots of our behaviors and what those parts were trying to do for us. We sit on top of them, try to control ourselves, and force our way through recovery. There is a better way. It is rooted in Christ. I teach my clients a systematic approach to utilize emotional mindfulness, parts work, embodiment, and self-compassion to use painful emotions like addiction cravings to deepen self-understanding and self-love, so they can lose their need for addiction over time.

Today Chris interviews Jake Kastleman. Jake is the founder of NoMoreDesire.com, a Christ-centered platform dedicated to helping men break free from unwanted sexual behavior and live whole, healed, and holy lives. What sets Jake apart is his deep commitment to inner transformation, not just outward sobriety. Through his writing, coaching, and online resources, Jake challenges men to do more than stop sinning—he invites them to start healing.