CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

sex addiction

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MY JOURNEY WITH LUSTFUL FANTASY:

by Jesse H.

As I continue to work through my struggles, I’ve come to realize that sexual fantasy was my initial coping mechanism for uncomfortable emotions and situations. What started as an escape eventually became a gateway to more destructive behaviors. Recognizing this pattern, I’ve made significant progress by applying the principles of recovery.

For me, personally, I’ve moved fantasy from my inner circle to my middle circle, where I actively address it using spiritual tools. The middle circle is not a place to hang out. This doesn’t make it right to fantasise – on the contrary. But it means I don’t need to reset. For me, it’s a warning signal that I need help immediately, or I will relapse. When fantasy arises, here is my plan of action (which I am still learning to implement!):

  1. I admit to God my struggle and humbly ask for freedom and truth.
  2. I check in with my sponsor and recovery program peers.
  3. I acknowledge and sit with underlying emotions rather than numbing them.
  4. If necessary, I go do a healthy outer circle activity.

Does this mean that I do this perfectly? No! I make mistakes all the time. But, I’m learning to:

  1. Embrace uncomfortable emotions rather than avoid them.
  2. Develop self-awareness and introspection.
  3. Share my struggles with others, to gain connection and support.
  4. View challenging emotions as opportunities for growth.

My relationship with God remains the foundation of my recovery. As I deepen this connection: I gain clarity on truth and reality, I develop resilience and trust, and I’m empowered to make healthier choices.

While I still face challenges, I’m grateful for progress. Rarely do I indulge in fantasy, and when I do, I recognize it as a warning signal. I’ve learned that intentional dwelling on sexual thoughts can lead to unhealthy behaviors, such as masturbation and pornography.

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

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The Impact of Childhood Trauma: Reconnecting with the Inner Child

Originally posted at: https://theonlinetherapist.blog/the-impact-of-childhood-trauma-reconnecting-with-the-inner-child/

When we think about child abuse, our thoughts often stop at sexual abuse of minors. However, the term child abuse, often replaced by child maltreatment, has a broad spectrum of definition. The WHO defines it as follows:

“Child maltreatment, sometimes referred to as child abuse and neglect, includes all forms of physical and emotional ill-treatment, sexual abuse, neglect, and exploitation that results in actual or potential harm to the child’s health, development or dignity. Within this broad definition, five subtypes can be distinguished – physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect and negligent treatment, emotional abuse, and exploitation.”

Reliable statistics on global child abuse are difficult to come by but most reports highlight an increase in the last 25 years, especially in developed countries. Anyone who has been through and survived child abuse will identify with the emotional scars that are etched on the personality of the resulting adult, causing pain and turmoil and making relationships and intimacy difficult.

One of the unfortunate consequences of child abuse is alienation from the „child within”. That is the normal development of a child, emotionally and physically. This alienated child is subdued by constantly being told that it is unlovable and unworthy. Many survivors of child abuse tell of a feeling of disbelief that anyone could possibly love them and mistrusted their own feelings, unable to come to terms with them. Linda Sanford in her inspiring book “Strong at Broken Places” gives us a relevant example in the story of George who was abused constantly by his drunken mother for what were essentially normal childhood activities.

George also provides evidence that the “child within” can be replaced by the „parent within”. This term describes a situation where the child, despite chronic physical, sexual and emotional abuse takes on a parenting role for the parent, nursing and looking after them in the way it should be done in reverse. These parents generally show a hatred for the inner child of their offspring and consolidated by their behaviour, try to subdue it for their own purposes. This is the point where the “child within” with all the characteristics of normal development is replaced by the responsible “parent within”. The author describes this change as “putting on a winter coat” to protect themselves from abuse, this coat no longer fitting in adulthood. This is often the case with parents who were alcoholics or addicted to drugs and other substances.  .

According to Sanford’s research, this process appeared to be consciously initiated by the children with the thought in mind that if I look after my abusive parent, they will come to need me and love me and the abuse will stop. Unfortunately, this was not the case and in most of the stories cited, the abuse continued or got worse. Sandford says that such children often gain respect as adults for worthy and successful careers without themselves really knowing why or accepting that it could be anything to do with their own abilities. The child within can, however never be really totally subdued and can resurface at any time, often in adulthood in specific behaviour and by complicating relationships. When a child becomes the “parent”, he or she sacrifices part of themselves to please the abusive parent. It is often the positive characteristics of the child that the abusive parents resent the most, such as intelligence and special skills. Seeing the child, reminds them of their own inadequacies. These positive characteristics are often used to get on in life, find a good job and be successful but the emotional side of the “child within” remains underdeveloped.

Sanford quotes Tom Robbins in her book when she says “it’s never too late to have a happy childhood”. Many of the survivors have realised that  they must be reunited with their “child within” if they are to rectify the past. Some find it hard to “parent” the child within with the same effectiveness that they “parented “their parents. While some used this “lack of a child within” to justify irrational behaviour, others have gone on to become “good enough” parents to themselves by opening themselves up to others who then cater for the needs of the adult and the “child within” replacing some of the things lost in childhood. Sanford says that a healing process must take place, similar to recovery from grief. On one level, this would mean coming to terms with what happened followed by a deeper, more meaningful realisation of how awful the trauma was, a process of mourning. Through this, the body can be “reawakened” and the “child within” reunited with the parent within. Survivors who had been through this process talked of a “life change“, bringing new spontaneity and excitement into their life.  As Sanford says at the end of her book, we often look for hope and intimacy outside ourselves without ever “taking ourselves in our own arms and reparenting”.

Re-parenting begins by affirming the power and skill of the adult. You are a survivor. You are doing just fine. It is the inner child that is not OK. You may be using drugs or alcohol. You may be unable to fully engage in relationships. You may lack confidence in certain situations. What you need to realise is that the problem is not in your skill or intelligence. It is that you are being piloted by a wounded child. As an adult you are creative, resourceful, and whole. Unconsciously you are a permissive parent with a wounded spoiled child, which wants what it wants and fears much of the world, living inside you. Once you recognise where the issue is you can stop trying to heal the inner wound by external means. You can stop asking a relationship, career, alcohol, or drug to bring satisfaction and wholeness.

The good news is that once you start to recognise that there is a wounded child living inside the re-parenting process doesn’t operate in real time. As you champion and honour the inner child the results come quickly. For some of you this child is spoiled and demanding. For others the inner child is shy and confused. Re-parenting involves giving yourself the guidance, direction and self-discipline needed to gain self-control and to accept personal responsibility for your own life. It may also involve giving yourself the nurturing, affection and recognition you need to heal your inner child, that you maybe didn’t get in your childhood.

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Discovering Who You Are: A Guide to Personal Growth

Originally posted at: https://theonlinetherapist.blog/discovering-who-you-are-a-guide-to-personal-growth/

The process of discovering who you are as an individual is a journey that requires you to delve deeply into your own ideas, values, ambitions, and goals, and to carve out a path that is congruent with who you truly are. This trip, despite the fact that it is exclusive to each individual, has the ability to bring about tremendous fulfilment, even if it frequently necessitates coming face to face with unsettling realities along the road.

Understanding the significance of this quest is the first step in the process. Regardless of the external accomplishments they have achieved, a significant number of individuals embark on the journey of self-discovery because they experience a sense of disconnection from themselves or a continuous feeling of unfulfillment. It is possible that some people discover that they are conducting their life in accordance with the expectations of others, whether those expectations are those of their family, friends, or society as a whole. Your ability to recognise this underlying reason will infuse the journey with a sense of purpose, which will increase the likelihood that you will remain dedicated to the journey, particularly when the path becomes difficult.

In order to gain a foundational understanding of yourself, it is essential to reflect on your fundamental principles. The guiding principles that determine what is essential to you are known as values. Values have the ability to influence your decisions and shape your perspective of the world. However, as adults, it is crucial to decide whether these values actually connect with us or whether they were accepted simply out of convenience or expectation. Some of us inherit principles from our childhood, but whether or not these values truly resonate with us is essential. Consider the beliefs you hold regarding the most fundamental parts of life, such as work, relationships, honesty, and personal integrity, and spend some time reflecting on those beliefs. Ask yourself: What are my beliefs concerning the world? Which type of person do I hope to become in the future? These reflections help you gain clarity regarding your inner motivations, which in turn enables you to make decisions that are in line with who you truly are.

When it comes to this path, embracing isolation can be an extremely helpful tool. When we are continuously surrounded by other people, it is simple to embrace their viewpoints, preferences, and attitudes, even if it means doing so at the price of our own. You can allow yourself the space to listen to your ideas and wants without being influenced by anything outside of yourself if you spend time by yourself. At first, this seclusion may feel strange or even uncomfortable; yet, it frequently provides insights about who you are behind the societal duties and expectations that you have placed on yourself. You can add a concrete dimension to your inner investigations by keeping a journal during these peaceful periods. Journaling can help you capture your ideas and reveal patterns or themes over time for you to discover.

The process of self-discovery also includes the examination of your interests and hobbies. Take into consideration the pursuits or subjects that pique your interest, the ones that you could pursue for a considerable amount of time without becoming bored. These passions are often indicators of your true self since they reflect the things that provide you happiness and a sense of accomplishment or satisfaction. If you are unsure of what you are passionate about, you should try out new activities or go back and look at previous interests from your youth. When you give yourself permission to be open to exploration, you may find that it leads to discoveries that have a profound resonance with who you are.

In addition to this, it is vital to conduct a checklist of your strengths and weaknesses. It is essential to recognise not just the abilities that are unique to you but also the areas in which you may have difficulty or where you may need improvement. Your ability to see oneself as a complex and multi-faceted individual can be facilitated by adopting this balanced perspective, which can lead to self-acceptance. A person can increase their self-confidence by identifying their strengths, while understanding their deficiencies enables them to address those weaknesses in an honest and compassionate manner. The process of embracing one’s entire self is an essential component of this journey, as it helps to cultivate a sense of authenticity that is liberating and empowering.

A further essential ability in the process of discovering who you are is the ability to establish boundaries. When you begin to develop a more distinct understanding of your own beliefs, passions, and requirements, it is imperative that you safeguard this developing sense of self. You are able to say “no” when something does not connect with who you are because boundaries provide you the ability to do so. This could be a duty that feels forced or a relationship that completely drains you. The space that they generate is essential for personal development and self-respect, since they enable you to prioritise the things that are most important to you rather than being tugged in every way by demands from the outside world.

It is also beneficial to acknowledge the significance of having compassion for oneself. Discovering oneself may be a complicated process, and it is easy to pass judgement on oneself when one discovers aspects of oneself that are less desirable. It’s possible that you would come to the realisation that you’ve made decisions that aren’t in line with your principles, or that you’ve been harbouring beliefs that are no longer beneficial to you. When going through this process, be kind to yourself. Embrace the concept that the process of self-discovery is a learning experience, and that growth frequently results from reviewing mistakes with compassion rather than criticism.

Getting motivation from other people who have been through experiences that are comparable to your own can also be helpful. Through activities such as reading books, listening to podcasts, or following thought leaders who place an emphasis on self-discovery, you might be exposed to fresh viewpoints and skills that may resonate with your own personal experience. You should keep in mind, however, that imitation is not the same thing as inspiration. Replicating the journey of another person is not the objective; rather, the objective is to gain understanding that will enrich your own journey.

As you get a deeper awareness of who you are, you might think about establishing personal goals that accurately reflect your own aspirations rather than conforming to the expectations of society. These objectives may centre on aspects such as one’s work, personal development, interpersonal connections, or creative endeavours. By establishing meaningful objectives for yourself, you may give your life a sense of purpose and enable yourself to make decisions that are in line with who you truly are, rather than simply following conventional milestones or merely drifting along.

As part of the process of self-discovery, it is necessary to acknowledge that the journey is not yet complete. Because you are always changing, the things that you believe to be true at the moment may shift as a result of fresh experiences and new perspectives. Instead of feeling pressurised to arrive at a definitive version of “you,” embrace this flexibility as a natural aspect of the growth process. Being in tune with oneself is not about reaching a predetermined destination; rather, it is about cultivating a relationship with oneself that lasts a lifetime and grows more profound over time.

Creating a life that is reflective of your values, strengths, passions, and unique perspective is the ultimate goal of discovering who you are as an individual. In order to walk into the person you truly are, it is necessary to separate yourself from the layers of expectations that are forced on you by other people and by society. Despite the fact that it is difficult, this trip is extremely gratifying, and it gives you the ability to live your life with a feeling of purpose, self-assurance, and inner satisfaction. You can create a deeper understanding of yourself by engaging in activities such as introspection, isolation, investigation, and self-compassion. This will allow you to embrace both the light and shadow that are contained within you, and you will be able to navigate life from a place of authenticity and self-respect.

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New Castimonia Step Group Starting Thursday, January 2nd

Start the New Year off right by joining the new step group starting on Thursday and working through the steps. This group will be led by David P. (713.775.0113) at Bayou City Fellowship at 6pm preceeding the Thursday night 7pm Castimonia meeting. It will meet every two weeks.

Please contact David for more info.

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‘Twas the Night Before Christmas…Recovery Edition

By Chris A. (and a little help from AI)

‘Twas the season of Christmas, when all through the land,

Temptation was stirring, a fight close at hand.

The heart grew uneasy, the mind felt the strain,

But Christ came to free us from guilt and from shame.

The stockings were hung, the tree stood with care,

Yet loneliness whispered its sly, sneaky snare.

But friends from Castimonia surely are near,

With a call or a text to let you know, “we’re here.”

The season of renewal, redemption, and grace,

Invites us to pause, let Christ take His place.

For “the old has passed away,” says the Word,

Through Him, we’re made new; redemption is heard.

Temptations may linger, with shadows that grow,

But “I can do all things,” His promise does show.

In weakness, His strength becomes our great shield,

To Christ be the victory, our battles all yield.

So set firm your boundaries, plan out each day,

With trusted believers who’ll walk in His way.

Join a call or a meeting to bring sin to light,

And guide us through darkness, and guard us at night.

Fill moments of silence with service and love,

As Christ served the world from His throne up above.

Practice Step 12, give your time and your care,

And feel your own burdens grow lighter to bear.

Remember your “why,” say yes to God’s best,

For freedom in Christ gives the soul holy rest.

The chains of addiction, He’s broken and torn,

So live in the life for which you were reborn.

Invite Jesus in, through prayer and through tears,

Confess all your struggles, release all your fears.

And remember this journey is made for a team.

Don’t go it alone; you may not succeed.

When the emptiness whispers, “You’re still alone,”

Let Christ’s voice remind you: “You’re fully My own.”

The gift of this season is not earthly cheer,

But God with us—Jesus—our Savior so near.

So, as you face Christmas, take heart and believe,

Through Him, you’ll find strength; in Him, you’ll receive.

Not just to survive but to truly now thrive,

For Christ is your hope—His Spirit alive.

And I heard Him proclaim as He wiped every tear,“

My grace is sufficient; I’m always right here.”