by Jesse H.
As I continue to work through my struggles, I’ve come to realize that sexual fantasy was my initial coping mechanism for uncomfortable emotions and situations. What started as an escape eventually became a gateway to more destructive behaviors. Recognizing this pattern, I’ve made significant progress by applying the principles of recovery.
For me, personally, I’ve moved fantasy from my inner circle to my middle circle, where I actively address it using spiritual tools. The middle circle is not a place to hang out. This doesn’t make it right to fantasise – on the contrary. But it means I don’t need to reset. For me, it’s a warning signal that I need help immediately, or I will relapse. When fantasy arises, here is my plan of action (which I am still learning to implement!):
- I admit to God my struggle and humbly ask for freedom and truth.
- I check in with my sponsor and recovery program peers.
- I acknowledge and sit with underlying emotions rather than numbing them.
- If necessary, I go do a healthy outer circle activity.
Does this mean that I do this perfectly? No! I make mistakes all the time. But, I’m learning to:
- Embrace uncomfortable emotions rather than avoid them.
- Develop self-awareness and introspection.
- Share my struggles with others, to gain connection and support.
- View challenging emotions as opportunities for growth.
My relationship with God remains the foundation of my recovery. As I deepen this connection: I gain clarity on truth and reality, I develop resilience and trust, and I’m empowered to make healthier choices.
While I still face challenges, I’m grateful for progress. Rarely do I indulge in fantasy, and when I do, I recognize it as a warning signal. I’ve learned that intentional dwelling on sexual thoughts can lead to unhealthy behaviors, such as masturbation and pornography.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
