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addiction

May 16, 2024 By Castimonia

Today

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, porn, Sex, sex addiction, sexual purity

May 8, 2024 By Castimonia

The Paradox of Porn Addiction: It Almost Works. Almost

Originally posted at: https://sexuallypuremen.beehiiv.com/p/paradox-porn-addiction-almost-works-almost

By Eddie Capparucci, Ph.D., LPC, C-CSAS

In the digital age, pornography has become increasingly accessible, offering a quick fix for those seeking relief from emotional discomfort or stress. Yet, while it may provide temporary satisfaction, its allure often masks a deeper problem: addiction. So, what is the psychology behind this endless pursuit of emotional comfort that has fleeting benefits?

I believe three factors contribute to the allure of addictive behaviors such as pornography:

1. Emotional triggers

2. Depletion of mental, emotional, and physical energy

3. The burning desire to escape from emotional discomfort.

These negative influences create a sense of mental and emotional imbalance in our lives, prompting us to seek pleasurable stimulation to restore our equilibrium—this concept is known as homeostasis.

At its core, homeostasis is the body’s natural inclination to maintain stability and well-being across all systems. When faced with emotional distress, this balance is disrupted, leading to a cascade of negative thoughts and emotions. Pornography, with its promise of instant gratification, serves as a counterbalance to this discomfort, offering a reprieve from pain and stress.

Therefore, one could argue that pornography works to stabilize emotional distress. Well, it almost works.

You see, there is a major inherent flaw in this cycle of addiction. While porn may temporarily alleviate emotional distress, its effects are short-lived. Once the euphoria of participating in the pursuit of the optimal image or video, we are often left grappling with feelings of shame, guilt, and further emotional turmoil. Far from restoring equilibrium, pornography perpetuates a cycle of dependency and negative self-perception.

It almost works. Almost.

The paradox of porn addiction lies in its ability to offer a semblance of balance while ultimately exacerbating the very problems it seeks to alleviate. So, while providing fleeting moments of relief, the consequences of its use far outweigh the perceived benefits.

This serves as a poignant reminder of the complex relationship between pleasure and pain in the realm of addiction. While pornography may offer a temporary escape from emotional discomfort, its long-term consequences underscore the importance of seeking healthier coping mechanisms and addressing underlying issues.

__________________________________________________________________

Eddie Capparucci is a licensed professional counselor certified in treating Problematic Sexual Behaviors. Among his many clients, Eddie has worked with professional athletes, including NFL and MLB players and television personalities. He is the creator of the Inner Child Model™ for treating PSBs. He is the author of

  • Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction
  • Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots
  • Understanding the Inner Child and Overcoming Addiction
  • Going Deeper for Women: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Love & Sex Addiction
  • Removing Your Shame Label: Learning to Break From Shame and Feel God’s Love. 

He is the administrator of the websites www.MenAgainstPorn.org and www.SexuallyPureMen.com. Over the years, he has spoken to numerous organizations regarding the harmful impact pornography has on individuals, relationships, and society. He hosts a monthly webcast: Getting to the Other Side: Helping Couples Navigate the Road to Recovery. You can learn more about his Inner Child Model at www.innerchild-sexaddiction.com.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, porn, pornography, recovery, sex addiction

April 26, 2024 By Castimonia

Digital Depression and Lonely Masses

Originally posted at: https://words.mattiasdesmet.org/p/digital-depression-and-lonely-masses

Our society is evolving at a record pace towards a digital cosmos – a society in which life is largely digital. In the digital society of the future – in some respects, the near future – people work, party, play and make love online, and even eat digitally printed food.

The latest developments in the field of Artificial Intelligence (AI) are slowly preparing us to go even further. Not only are we replacing human interactions with digital ones; we are replacing humanity itself. The doctor, the teacher, the coach, the psychologist, and so on – they can all be replaced by a computer.

Is there a difference between a real and a digital conversation? Is there a difference between a conversation with a human being and a conversation with a sophisticated computer? I have spent fifteen years conducting research into (real) conversations between therapists and patients. It has shown me how subtle and sublime real conversations are. To give just one example: if one person stops talking, the other will typically take over in fewer than 0.2 seconds – even if the first person stops speaking in the middle of a sentence. By way of comparison: in traffic, the reaction time is approximately one second (so five times longer).

In real conversations, people’s bodies constantly resonate with each other. The facial and body muscles of the listener contract in the same way as those of the speaker, and the same areas of the brain are activated. When people speak with each other, they form a supra-organism on a psychic and subtle-physical level. They are connected by a psychic membrane that imperceptibly transmits the most subtle emotions from one person to another. In this way a kind of spontaneous empathy occurs in the interlocutor (unless the ego structure is extremely developed, as in psychopathy).

Every (real) conversation thus satisfies the first and foremost primal need of man – resonance with the Other. In a digital conversation, this resonance is compromised, due to the limitations of technology: small delays in the signal transmission, restrictions on the freedom of perspective, seeing the other person only partially, and so on. Precisely because of this, long-term digital communication often leaves us with a dull and exhausted feeling. Our bodies exhaust themselves in fruitless and constant attempts to connect with the body of the other person – a phenomenon that some refer to digital depression. It remains to be seen whether replacing a real psychologist with an AI version will provide an effective therapy for that kind of digital depression.

The gradual replacement of real social situations by artificial ones in recent centuries and decades – through the industrialization and mechanization of labor, through the introduction of radio, television, telephone and internet – has taken an insidious toll. It is responsible for the most destructive psychosocial phenomenon of the Enlightenment: it “atomizes” the human being, disconnecting us from our social and natural environment and plunging us into solitude.

Loneliness reached a peak in the early 21st century. Studies from immediately prior to the corona crisis report as much as 40% of the world’s population feeling lonely. The situation has become so dire that in 2018, former British Prime Minister Theresa May appointed a Minister of Loneliness. Much more recently, in the United States, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued an advisory on the dangers of loneliness combined with a new “National Strategy to Advance Social Connection.” But we don’t need to resort to statistics to feel the seriousness of the problem. Get on the train – hardly any words are exchanged between people anymore. Our minds are tethered to a tiny screen – digital connection has replaced the human bond. If you casually greet a passer-by – a once-obvious way of affirming the human bond with no other intention – you will immediately sense the problem and, possibly, an unpleasant reaction in return (an unspoken question of: “What does this idiot want of me?”).

Loneliness and atomization is not just a problem, it is a problem with enormous social consequence. Isolated, atomized subjects tend, especially under the influence of media and social media narratives, to suddenly coalesce into a new kind of group: a mass. This kind of group formation makes people radically incapable of thinking critically about the stories presented to them, willing to radically sacrifice everything they hold dear, and deeply intolerant of any voice that deviates of what the masses believe in.

The masses of yesteryear (i.e. the crusades, the witch hunts, etc.) were physical masses – the masses consisted of a group of people physically coming together. The current masses, on the other hand, consist of individuals who, each in digital solitude, are infused by the mass media with similar representations and stories. It is this lonely mass that, together with its leaders, forms the backbone of the ultimate symptom of our rationalistic society: the totalitarian state. The big question we have to answer as a culture is therefore this: what can transform the lonely masses into a society in the true sense of the word – a group of people connected from person to person; where the collective does not destroy the individual, but guarantees a space in which it can flourish as a singular being.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, depression, loneliness, recovery, Sex, sex addiction

April 18, 2024 By Castimonia

The Shame Label of Impure Motives

originally posted: https://sexuallypuremen.beehiiv.com/p/shame-label-impure-motives

By Eddie Capparucci, Ph.D., LPC, C-CSAS

“Motive” is one of my favorite words. Webster’s dictionary describes motive as “a need or desire that causes a person to act .” You cannot follow a court case without someone trying to determine a motive. Determining the motive for committing a crime is essential in ensuring a conviction. But motives also play a critical part in our lives.

Each day, you make hundreds of decisions. If you think about your decision-making process, you will probably conclude that decision-making has become routine. Often, decisions are something we do not put much thought into. These are minor decisions such as “what to wear,” “what to watch on television,” “what route to take to work today,” and “what to eat” (unless, of course, you live in my house). We refer to these decisions as habits.

Other decisions are major and require us to take more time to discern. Decisions such as whether to take a new job, move to a new city, change churches, or whom to marry. In some cases, we struggle to make decisions out of fear. The thought of taking the wrong action can frighten us and paralyze us. It can become so strong we make no decision at all. This is called analysis paralysis. Yet, in other circumstances, we are so desperate for change that we make snap decisions that we later come to regret. 

That is why we must lean on the word “motive” when it comes to decision-making. Depending upon our motive, the course of action we select can range from ‘proving to disapprove,’ ‘smart to stupid,’ or ‘caring to insensitive.’

In our haste when deciding, we tend to lean more toward reacting based on worldly values rather than Spiritual values. This often leads to poor behavior and feelings of regret and guilt in knowing that we could have handled the situation much better.

Well-known pastor and author A.W. Tozer, in his book, The Pursuit of God, said, “It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it. The motive is everything. Let a man sanctify the Lord God in his heart, and he can thereafter do no common act. All he does is good and acceptable to God through Jesus Christ”.

 In our decision-making process, we use two motives driven by our sinful nature to justify most of our actions.

  •       It will allow me to indulge in self-gratification
  •       It will allow me to impress others with my self-worth

Today, we live in a society that demands instant gratification. We can find truth in this all around us. Take texting, for example. Before cell phones, there was no expectation that communication with others would be instantaneous. Years ago, someone would call, and if you were not available, they would leave a message and expect you to get back to them when you were available. Today, the expectation is that you will respond immediately if you receive a text message. And if you don’t, you may end up with a series of text messages such as:

Where are you?

I just sent you a text.

Did you not get it?

Are you ok?

Are you mad at me?

Hello?!!!!

I hate you!!!!

Actions taken with the purpose of self-gratification involve impure motives. They are actions centered on us and designed for one purpose – to have it our way. This type of behavior occurs when we become disconnected from our hearts. This tends to put all the emphasis on us and none of it on others. We become inwardly focused as opposed to being outwardly focused. This approach flies in the face of God’s teaching and desire for our lives.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Phil. 2:3-4)

Our sinful nature of self-gratification leads us down a path where we find ourselves indulging more in the world’s pleasures than in the wonders that can strengthen our relationship with God and others. When we take that path, we are turning away from God because the focus is on what we want. It is very difficult to overindulge in selfish pleasures and simultaneously feel we are close to God. In fact, I would say it is impossible.

I recently saw this comment on a discussion board encouraging people to try and impress others. “Live loud and proud. Being unashamed of who you are and letting your passions in life shine through is very impressive to people, even when they don’t realize it. Everyone wants to live like they don’t care what others think, so they are impressed when they see someone doing that.”

Really? I thought we referred to these types of individuals as “obnoxious.”

 An excerpt from the book Removing Your Shame Label, which is available on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Removing-Your-Shame-Label-Learning

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, recovery, sex addiction, sexual purity, shame

April 14, 2024 By Castimonia

Tag Teams

Originally posted at: theresstillhope.org

According to many professional wrestling experts, the greatest wrestling tag team of all time was The Road Warriors, known individually as Animal and Hawk. From 1983 to 2014, this ruthless tag team won dozens of titles, including the NWA World Championship three times. 

Here’s how they did it. When Animal got into trouble, Hawk would cheat, pull someone’s hair, and utilize a foreign object seen by every person in the arena other than the referee. And when Hawk was in trouble, Animal would do the same.

The Bible says, “Two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9). You need a tag team partner in recovery.

There will be times when you need to tag out. In the heat of the battle, in the midst of the temptation, you need help. That is when you make a call. You reach out for help. And with that person’s help, you can win another match.

Recover Step: Get a tag team partner. This will be key to your success.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, recovery, sex addiction, sexual purity

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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