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Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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restoration

May 26, 2021 By K.LeVeq

Rebellion and Restoration

Then you must throw this man out and hand him over to Satan so that his sinful nature will be destroyed and he himself will be saved on the day the Lord returns. 1 Corinthians 5:5 

What do we do when our brothers in Christ continue in rebellion?

How many people do you know in recovery? Now, how many people do you know who have been in your recovery meetings and have dropped out…or you don’t know what happened to them…or they just quit working through the steps?

Unfortunately, for every person who sits next to me in a circle I can think of many faces when I look at the empty chair in the middle. As a new sponsor, I thought I could will my sponsees through the steps. If they would just learn from my mistakes, stay diligent, repent, turn toward sobriety and restoration…they could avoid inflicting additional pain on their families and themselves. 

Its easy for me to remember the second part of my journey through recovery, when I finally got serious about recovery. That is the part I want to impart on the people I meet in these meetings, that I spend time with on phone calls or sit next to in rooms. Stop now, go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, stay in accountability, check in with others. Most importantly, stop acting out. Do whatever it takes to stop. 

Then I remember the first part of my journey. Attending meetings, lying to the facilitator that I didn’t belong here, that I had only had one affair, I didn’t struggle with pornography, I wasn’t like everyone in this meeting. Lying to my wife, my counselor, my kids. Lying to my accountability guys. Lying to myself. Lying to God.

So what do you do when you have someone like I was in your life? What do you do when that guy you are talking to, investing time in, supporting, encouraging…what do you do when they tell you one thing and do another? What do you do when they lie to you over and over? When they don’t follow through? When they don’t commit to meetings, check ins, accountability, truthfulness.

This past week, my pastor preached a message from 1 Corinthians 5. Paul wrote both 1 and 2nd Corinthians as letters to the church at Corinth. The church he planted and watered. The two letters are a treasure trove of Christ like living, instruction from Christ through Paul. Chapter 5 is important to me. It speaks to my top character defect: pride. Like the Corinthians, I knew best. Only, Paul wasn’t about to let that go.

It seems the church had allowed sexual immorality to exist in its midst in the form of one of its members. He was a Christ follower who refused to repent and turn from his sin. He was living in a sexual relationship with his stepmother. The church didn’t discipline him or challenge him. They celebrated themselves and how “tolerant” and loving they were by accepting his behavior. When I heard this from my pastor, I had one immediate thought…insanity. How could someone do something so stupid and insane as a Christian and as a church? Oh, and then I remembered my own life. Oops.

I am a Christ follower. I have been since the age of 9. My insanity reached astounding depths. My own behavior caused me to jeopardize my marriage, my relationship with my kids and my extended family, and to lose my job and much of our savings. After admitting to an affair, I sought to keep my marriage together after my wife allowed me to come home. Except…I wasn’t done in my insanity yet. I decided to only confess a little, hide everything else, and lie. Then hang on for dear life that I wouldn’t be found out and that I could fix it on my own. That should work. It didn’t. Surprise surprise!

Paul called out the sin of the individual and of the church at Corinth. He demanded that he be turned over to Satan so that his sinful nature might be destroyed. Not him…his sinful nature. Paul was talking about a Christian. Someone who had accepted Christ, who was saved by grace through faith. And who was still living in lies and sin. Someone like me. Paul’s instruction wasn’t done.  He continued with the best part. Turn him over to Satan so his sin might be destroyed and he will be saved.

What do we do when someone we know and care about is in rebellion from Christ? Is deep in their own sin and can’t see the way out? Who knows Christ but can’t let go of their addiction? We follow Paul’s guidance…we turn them over to their own sin. In our circles, we say they haven’t hit their rock bottom yet. We have to leave them to it. And yet be there when they are able to reach out. 

Our pastor closed his message with a series of quotes. He has a friend who is writing a book and reached out to people in his circles with the following question: “I stopped running from God when…” Here are some of the answers he got:

  • I lost my job.
  • My wife filed for divorce.
  • I almost ran over someone.
  • My kids no longer spoke to me.
  • I couldn’t remember what I did the night before.
  • I hit rock bottom.

The ultimate goal for lives after running from God is simple. Restoration. Recovery has meant a path to restoration for me. Restoration with God, my wife, my kids, my friends, my church. That is exactly what God intends. After our rebellion, after repentance…comes restoration.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, christian, rebellion, recovery, restoration, sex addiction

February 21, 2019 By K.LeVeq

Pruning

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. – John 15:2

I am a Southerner. I wear shorts 10 months out of the year. I love college football. Ole Miss and Oxford, MS are just short of heaven. The only really good writers and musicians are from the South. Do I really need to make a list? When my wife and I lived in the Northeast US for a period of time, people would ask me to repeat things like “orange juice” and “y’all,” which I would happily do because I knew they were thinking “dumb redneck.” We Southerners like being underestimated.

As a true Southerner, we like our yards, flower beds, plants, and especially our trees. Walk through the piney woods of Mississippi and tell me you don’t see God. My wife and I are especially fond of crepe myrtle trees. We both think they epitomize beauty and hospitality. Crepe myrtles are the subject of a very contentious debate among we Southerners (we like feuds). The debate hinges on whether you should prune them or not. Pruning “deniers” call this crepe myrtylcide. I happen to agree with the authority on all things Southern, Southern Living Magazine, which states:

“Late winter (right now) is the best time to prune a crepe myrtle, because it’s leafless and you can easily see all of the branches. It also blooms on new growth, so pruning now won’t reduce blooming. In fact, it may increase it.”

To produce new growth, to bear new fruit, to bloom – I have to subject my life to God’s pruning. Throughout my years of separation from Him, I found only He could restore me to sanity. Living in recovery means opening my life daily to His pruning…and His restoration. Drawing close to Him by recognizing God as the only one who can restore me means openness to His authority.

What insanity is running unchecked in your life? Have you realized you are powerless to control it? Does it control you? Have you tried to stop over and over again only to slide right back into what you swore you would never do again. Don’t let that shame rule your psyche. Admit you are powerless, your life has become unmanageable. Then take the second step. Realize only God can restore you to sanity by pruning the unmanageable from you. His intervention is often painful but always necessary…so that you will bear more fruit.

Keith B. – NotUnknown.com

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, insanity, Jesus Christ, powerless, recovery, restoration, Step Two, unmanageable

January 31, 2019 By K.LeVeq

Insanity

“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” – Step Two

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8 – 9

I am a slow learner. I heard someone describe my condition as being a two by four Christian. Sometimes God has to be as subtle as hitting me in the head with a two by four to get my attention. You can call it hitting rock bottom, coming to the end of yourself, or whatever you like. For me, it is recognizing that my ways lead to destruction, emptiness, and separation from God. In a word … insanity.

If you haven’t read the book of Job, I encourage you to do so. I can relate with Job. In the mess of his own life, Job was surrounded by “friends” seeking to “help” him. They encouraged him to seek “help” from everyone except God. I had many influencers in my own life, listening to  guidance from everyone except the only One I could trust. I followed my own desires, twisted thinking, and selfish wants.

God intervened with Job, like he does for His own in His timing. He reminded Job that His ways were not Job’s ways. God intervened with me as well. He let me reach the end of myself. The place where I realized that continuing to follow myself or others would continue to lead me on a path of destructive behavior for myself, my family, anyone around me. I had to have everything else stripped away to realize that my choices on lead to insanity.

So what then? My choices suck. Who can I depend on? Only the One who’s ways are higher than my ways. Only He could restore me to sanity.

Who’s ways are you following? Yours? Friends? Where does your help come from? Seek help from the One who’s ways are above all others. Recognize that all other direction is not from God. Only he can restore you to sanity and a new life following His direction.

Keith B. – NotUnknown.com

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Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: insanity, Jesus Christ, porn, restoration, sanity, Step 2

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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