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orphans

February 7, 2019 By K.LeVeq

Orphaned

But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand.
The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless. – Psalm 10:14

When I think of orphans, I think about malnourished children on TV with a sad song in the background. Or the literary versions like Oliver Twist. I remember my young cousins when their mother died of cancer. Saturday, while giving my mother’s eulogy, I realized…I am an orphan.

In January of 2018, my father succumbed to a long fight with a form of muscular dystrophy. His body just wore down and couldn’t continue. Three weeks ago, I had dinner with my mother while she was in town visiting me and my brother. After a rapid illness, this Saturday I had lost both parents within a year. The despair of that realization almost broke me.

The weeks leading up to my mother’s passing were difficult. I spent most of that time at the hospital with her, holding her hand, encouraging her in her weakness, watching her fight slowly ebb. I truly thought she would walk out of that hospital. After a few short days, I was holding her hand by her bed with my siblings, watching her take her last breath, just as I had one year earlier with my father. I didn’t know I had that many tears.

In the grief that ensued, both before and after her death, I was reminded of the total helplessness I felt when I began a life in recovery. Really when I was forced to begin a life in recovery. I had just come to terms with the powerlessness I had over my addiction. Step 2 gave me a glimmer of hope in that sea of turmoil: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Through working the Steps, through living a life of recovery, through His often painful intervention, He did restore me to sanity. That experience, knowing that He alone was the “helper of the fatherless,” sustains me now.  I am in a rough place. My relationship with my siblings isn’t great. Restoration to sanity meant truly seeing my family of origin. With that knowledge has also come a need for boundaries, for me and for them.

There isn’t a finish line when working the Steps. The spiritual awakening part means actually revisiting my own flaws and fears daily, admitting when I am wrong, making amends. I know that there is more to this story than now. For now, though, I hold on tight to Psalm 10:14.

by Keith B. NotUnknown.org

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Jesus Christ, orphans, recovery, sex addiction

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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