Advent Recovery Reflection by DK
“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel (which means, God with us).”
– Matthew 1:23
When I was asked to contribute to this advent, I first started thinking about and reviewing the lyrics to many great Christmas songs. As I was praying and thinking about what to write, I started noticing the name “Immanual” showing up in the lyrics to many of the Christmas songs. Especially, Amy Grant’s song “Emmanual, God with Us” which was on repeat in my mind! This pointed me to Matthew 1:23. Prior to the discovery of my addiction, Christmas had always been a time of fun and laughter for me and my family. Of course, before discovery I was great at compartmentalizing my life, and Christmas with my family was a “good” compartment. After discovery, that all changed. I remember vividly the first Christmas after my discovery and complete disclosure to my wife. As you might imagine, my wife could barely stand to be in the same room with me, let alone spend Christmas with me! It was the loneliest time of my life. I felt isolated from my wife and the relationship with my teenage kids was strained at best since they knew I had hurt their mom. I was constantly crying out to God in prayer, asking Him to be with me and help me through this painful time. I am so thankful that he answered that prayer! Looking back, it was only by the grace of God that my wife allowed me to participate in Christmas that year. I am sure her decision was from her love for our kids, and her not wanting them to spend Christmas without their dad. She made it very clear that she would not be getting me a Christmas gift and did not want one from me either. I ended up contributing to a charity in her name that she was passionate about instead of a gift for her. She later told me that that was a great “gift” and more meaningful than anything I could have bought for her. That Christmas, the name Immanual took on a more significant meaning for me. Instead of Immanual, God with us, it was Immanual, God with me”. I know without a doubt that God was with me during that Christmas season. It was personal. It was the only way I survived. Thank you, Father, for continuing to always be with me! I love You!
