We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Step Five
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. – James 5:16
I am almost completely certain that my sponsor is a sadist. He’s one of those guys that seems to have zero fear. It is obvious in how he approaches his life and his calling. He has been consistent in pointing out to me that God is identifying and removing my flaws in His timing so I am better able to fulfill His purpose for my life. My sponsor likes to contribute to God identifying and removing my flaws. By giving me the opportunity to show I am no longer a slave to my character flaws.
Here is what I mean. I just got to Step Five in my recovery. I figured this was cool. I was done. I had already told my story, confessed my flaws, spilled my guts, to at least two people NOT in recovery. So I had this one covered and done. Uh, not so much. My sponsor gently coached me (ordered me, really) to let God work in this. I was to pray and journal about who God would place in my life that I could trust to tell my story.
Ok, I am really not excited about this part. I haven’t embraced the part about not shutting the door on our past or shying away from it. To be rigorously honest, I really don’t want to tell anyone and I just want to be left alone to work my plan and recovery and get better. The worst part of this is……I am exactly sure who I am supposed to do my Step Five with, who I am to bare my soul and tell all my deep, dark secrets. God is very irritating sometimes. This being one of those times.
So, I called the guy who God had put on my heart. Well, before I did that, I tried to make it not this person and tried to validate that maybe God really hadn’t put him on my heart. Didn’t work. Every person in my “circle of trust” thought sharing with this guy was a great idea. Ugh. I thought they were supposed to be my team? So I called him, let him know that I was in recovery (no other details), asked him if he knew much about recovery (he didn’t), and asked if I could share part of my story with him as God had placed him on my heart. He said absolutely and that if God was identifying this path for me, he wanted to be obedient as well. Ok, no outs for me so far. I tried to say that I knew he was busy and no rush and we could schedule whenever. He said how about lunch tomorrow? Dang.
So I went to lunch. I asked for my accountability partners, my sponsors, other guys, my therapist….I asked them all to pray for me. I knew they were. I knew in sharing my story with my friend that I was completely in God’s will at that moment. I just talked and then he asked questions. Not dumb questions or insulting questions……questions to clarify, to understand, and to learn how he could support me now and in the future. Ok, not what I expected. Thanks, sponsor (I still hate you for this) and thank you friends for the prayers. Most of all, thank you God. I trust you with more of my life every day. I can’t say all yet. I am on that path, maybe early, but still on that path.