Lauren Dubinsky wrote a very powerful article on what she’d wish she’d known before watching porn. What stood out to me the most was that some, if not all of these items were what I wish I’d known before watching porn. I have listed her “wish list” below with my comments at the end.
I wish that 10 years ago someone had educated me on pornography. What it is, what it does and what it reaches in and destroys in the hearts, minds and bodies of men and women.
I wish that someone would have told me that researchers have suggested it sabotages your sex life.
I wish someone would have explained how dopamine, the chemical that is released every time you experience pleasure, drives you to return to what provided that feeling before.
I wish someone would have told me that the kind of pornography you’re most turned on by is usually linked to a corresponding hurtful event in your life, further injuring your brokenness.
I wish someone would have told me pornography would normalize things I wasn’t emotionally or physically ready to handle in my relationships with
men women, making me feel like I had no options or control over my sex life, filling me with much regret and physical pain.
I wish someone would have told me I would begin to objectify
men women, build up images in my mind and think of sex day in and day out, to the point where I couldn’t remain focused on anything else.
I wish someone would have told me it would make me feel less valuable to
men women and bring up insecurities for years in the bedroom.
I wish someone would have pointed out pornography can establish your sexuality completely apart from real-life relationships, causing huge problems in your intimacy with real significant others.
I wish someone would have explained what “sexual anorexia” was and that countless young men are unable to get erections because they’ve been watching porn since they were around 14 years old.
I wish someone would have told all the
men women I’ve dated that the porn they are watching is keeping them me from being turned on by me them, ultimately destroying our relationship.
I wish someone would have told me that the dopamine and oxytocin being released from my watching certain types of pornography would cause me to question my sexual orientation, which in turn cost me relationships with friends.
I wish someone would have told me it would subtly create a “victim” mentality in my mind, causing me to be even more sensitive than I already was to [making] catcalls, whistles, and even sincere compliments.
I wish someone had talked about how
women others watch it too, so I wouldn’t have had to spend years living under the shame that comes with being “the only one” and thinking there was something wrong with me.
My “I wish” list is nowhere near complete, either. In the end, I simply wish someone would have told me why it was so harmful, instead of simply putting it on a list of things we don’t talk about. We all know our rights and wrongs, but seldom do we know what makes them so. Had I known how much it would have harmed me, I would have left it alone.
I have used the strike-through function to change the orientation of the “I wish” list. For me, Lauren’s incomplete “I wish” list is nearly identical to mine. There are a lot of things I wish I had known before watching pornography, but in my case, it started at age 4 by finding my father’s pornography – not much that can be done at that age other than not to keep it in the house!
For those parents who think that their children won’t find their secret pornography stash or find it on the computer, I ask you to PLEASE get rid of it ASAP, especially if you have young children. Chances are, it may be too late, they might already have been exposed and are not telling you. I hid my secret for over 30 years!
You can read her entire article by following the link below:
Take what you like and leave the rest.