One of the issues I come across in this ministry is speaking to men not in support, accountability, or recovery groups about sexual purity and the struggle. Many men say to me that they don’t have a problem with sexual purity, that everything is “Ok” or that they don’t need a support group for their sexual purity issues.
So how does a man, not in a support group, recovery, or accountability group know whether they are sexually pure or have a struggle with maintaining sexual purity? I’ve listed some activities that may seem normal (thanks to today’s mainstream society and the sexualization of America) to these men, but in reality are signs that sexual immorality is in your heart, mind, and soul. We can all strive to be like Joseph when tempted by Potiphar’s wife (illustration to the right) but we need support and accountability along the way!
Here are some questions for you to ask yourself. Or better yet, have someone you trust ask you these questions. Be as honest as possible!
Do I look around at women in public places, taking second and third looks at an attractive woman?
Do I wish I could be with the attractive woman I just saw in public, either in a relationship or sexually?
Do I imagine myself being with women I see in public, either in a relationship or sexually?
Do I think of or fantasize about an attractive woman I saw earlier, either when I am alone or with others?
Do I look at the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?
Do I make excuses to look at the SI swimsuit issue such as, I’m reading up on the latest sports or on my team?
Do I look through “fitness” magazines in order to look at the women in workout outfits?
Do I rationalize looking at “fitness” magazines saying I’m reading up on the latest workout/fitness trends?
Do I look through “Hot Rod” or other “Male Publications” and focus on the models in bikinis or suggestive outfits?
Do I look through women’s clothing catalogs?
Do I look through the Victoria’s Secret catalog?
Do I look through fashion magazines in order to look at the women who might wear seductive outfits or even appear nude?
Do I stare at billboards along the road as I drive and fantasize about the woman on the billboard?
Do I look over at other attractive female drivers and linger on them until I pass them by?
Do I purposely speed up or slow down in order to get alongside an attractive female driver on the road?
Do I purposely eat at restaurants where the waitresses wear skimpy outfits?
Do I visit websites that have photos of clothed models, either fully clothed or in swimsuits?
Do I visit message forums that post photos of models?
Do I visit social networking sites and look through the photos of attractive females on the sites?
Do I purposely walk by the lingerie or women’s underwear section of store without my wife present?
While in public, do I purposely change my course, or even set my course, because I see an attractive woman and want to walk by her?
The above questions are less-obvious examples of a struggle with maintaining sexual purity. If you answered “YES” to ANY of the above questions, you need to look into a support or accountability group. The questions below are more telling of a problem with maintaining sexual purity.
Do I watch sexually suggestive television shows, including reality shows, sitcoms, cable and non-cable TV shows?
Do I watch sexually suggestive commercials on TV?
Do I watch sexually suggestive movies such as American Pie type of movies?
Do I listen to sexually suggestive music or watch sexually suggestive music videos?
Do I watch sexually suggestive online videos or videos of girls in underwear or swimsuits?
Do I watch rated “R” movies that contain nudity alone or with my wife? And if so, do I look at the nudity when it appears?
Do I watch sexually suggestive movies and the nudity while alone?
If you answered YES to the preceding questions, then I strongly recommend you get into a support group before you go too far. The questions below are definite signs of a struggle with maintaining sexual purity.
Do I fantasize about or lust after other women while being physically sexual intimate with my wife?
Do I masturbate outside of physical sexual intimacy with my wife?
Do I engage in any sex outside of my marriage?
Do I look at “soft porn” magazines, videos, or internet sites that contain some sexual content or nudity?
Do I look at pornographic magazines, videos, or internet sites that contain full nudity or hardcore sexual material?
Do I surf the internet for pornography or try to circumvent any installed internet filters?
Do I surf the internet wanting to report sites not blocked by filters?
Do I visit sexually oriented business such as strip clubs, video stores, massage parlors?
Do I engage in sexually acting out with anonymous sex partners?
Do I engage in having a sexual or non-sexual affair?
Do I visit prostitutes, call girls, etc…?
Do I take extreme risks (being caught by police, public exposure, illegal activities) when acting out?
If you answered “Yes” to any of the above questions, you are in definite and immediate need of a sexual purity support and recovery group as well as counseling for your intimacy disorder which may an addiction.
Regardless at what level of sexual purity you might struggle, please be courageous enough to seek immediate help, either in a support, recovery, accountability group, or with a trained professional therapist! Do it now, before it is too late!