Archive for September, 2017

by Bevill and Associates

Does it seem like the same thing keeps happening to you in all your relationships? Does your heart get repeatedly broken? When you are a love addict, your relationship is almost always the most important thing in your life. When it’s good, it feels really good. But frequently your relationships are unfulfilling, disappointing and maybe even painful.

You might think of yourself as the unluckiest person on the planet. Somehow you keep being attracted to people who appear to be everything you’re looking for at first, but in the end you never seem to get back as much as you give. This isn’t really because of bad luck. You have patterns in your relationships that continually repeat themselves. It’s important for you to recognize your part in these patterns.

Falling in Love Too Fast

Here’s an example. You have recently ended a relationship and are heartbroken. In a very short amount of time, you meet someone else. The encounter may be a random meeting, or it may be that you sought out a new partner through online dating sites or other means. Without allowing yourself time to heal from a breakup, you are immediately looking for a new partner.

Once you meet someone new, you fall head over heels in love. This is your soul mate, you are sure of it. Family and friends urge you not to rush in so fast, but you repeatedly fall deeply in love with people you haven’t known very long, and you get completely carried away with each new relationship.

Missing the Signs of an Inappropriate Partner

There are a lot of reasons why someone you meet may not be right for you. Some are more serious reasons than others. Inappropriate partners usually give off signs that you should pay attention to early on in a dating relationship. He or she may let you know that drinking is the most important thing in life or that he or she has been unable to hold a job for longer than a few months. Your new partner may need someone to lie for him or her or to be bailed out of trouble. Because you are so desperate to be connected, you disregard red flags that should stop you in your tracks.

Your pattern is to miss the subtle hints that your date isn’t mentally healthy or is unavailable to have a committed relationship. The signs are there, and you will recognize them as long as your head is in charge rather than your needy, vulnerable side.

Giving More Than You Get

Your partners are typically self-centered and emotionally unavailable. They may have a problem with alcohol or drugs. They may be married. But you try to win them over anyway.

Your pattern is to give a lot more than you get. You call more often. You may contribute more than your partner on a financial level. You’re quick to be available when your loved one needs you, but you find that when you need someone to be there for you, he or she may not always come  through. You wonder why you can’t seem to get back all the love you are giving.

Hanging On When It’s Not Working

When love causes more pain than joy, most people recognize that it’s time to end the relationship. The pattern of a love addict is to keep hanging on long after others would have given up. You keep hoping that the other person will change and that he or she will be all that you’re looking for. You look for reasons to blame yourself for whatever has gone wrong and you are continually trying different strategies to make the other person love you as much as you love him or her. This is a sign that you probably have a very deep-rooted fear of abandonment. To you, love is like a drug that you can’t live without.

Do you recognize your recurring patterns in your relationships? Once you realize that there are patterns and that you are participating in this self-destructive dance, there is hope that you can heal. You can learn to get past patterns of love addiction by working with a counselor or attending meetings of Co-Dependents Anonymous. Recovery starts with recognition of your patterns.

One of the greatest myths that is pervasive in our culture today is that you are entitled to a great life and that somehow, somewhere, someone is responsible for filling our lives with continual happiness, exciting career options, nurturing family time and blissful personal relationships simply because we exist. But the real truth is that there is only one person responsible for the quality of the life you live. That person is you.

Everything about you is a result of your doing or not doing. Income. Debt. Relationships. Health. Fitness level. Attitudes and behaviors. That person who reflects back at you in the mirror is the chief conductor in your life. Say hello!

I think everyone knows this in their hearts, but the mind can play games, tricking plenty of people into thinking external factors are the source of failure, disappointment, and unhappiness. But the truth of the matter is that external factors don’t determine how you live. You are in complete control of the quality of your life.

Successful people take full responsibility for the thoughts they think, the images they visualize, and the actions they take. They don’t waste their time and energy blaming and complaining. They evaluate their experiences and decide if they need to change them or not. They face the uncomfortable and take risks in order to create the life they want to live.

You cannot borrow half
of who you are
from someone else,
yet people try to do it
all of the time,
they just call it
a relationship!
Jennifer O’Neill,

Step Four means looking deep into me. Way deeper than I ever imagined.

Addicted to Porn: Chasing the Cardboard Butterfly Film Event

Register here:

A film event for parents, grandparents, men, women, singles — anybody in high school and above

Like it or not, porn is here and it is harmful. In this timely film, award-winning filmmaker Justin Hunt tactfully examines the impact of pornography on societies around the globe, from how it affects individuals’ brains, to the increased exposure of youth due to modern technology, to how porn literally can tear a family apart.

Dinner is available for purchase before the film, and a free dessert reception with the director will take place after the film.

About The Film

  • Addicted to Porn does not include any provocative imagery.
  • The film is narrated by James Hetfield, co-founder of Metallica.
  • Learn more about Addicted to Porn on the film’s official website.

Cost & Registration

  • $5 per ticket
  • $10 per ticket with dinner included
  • No charge for dessert reception
  • Registration for dinner and the movie is now available and will continue until Wed, Sep 27


  • 5:45–6:45p — Dinner available
  • 7–8:30p — Film screening
  • 8:30p — Dessert reception

Register here:

Galatians 1:10 – “ “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.””

A woman complained to me (Dr. Cloud) about a coworker who would always interrupt her while she was trying to get her job done. She acted as if her tendency to be behind in her work was her coworker’s fault.

“Why do you talk to her?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” she replied.

“When she comes in and interrupts, why do you get into a conversation with her?”

“Well, I have to. She is standing there talking.”

“Why don’t you just tell her that you have work to do, or close your door and put up a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign?”

The woman looked at me with a blank stare. To have choices and to have control of her own behavior was a concept that hadn’t occurred to her. She felt that if something happened “to her,” then that was the way it had to be. There was nothing she could do to change it.

When I suggested that she had many choices, she quizzed me about them. I gave her five or six suggestions, from talking to the woman about the problem, to talking to a supervisor, to asking to be moved to another area. This was a totally new way of thinking for her; she had never learned that she was free to make choices in relationships and in life.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a “victim”? Victims feel as if they have no choices in life. Life is something that happens to them, and whatever comes their way is their lot.

Joe was such a victim. His company was imposing some new policies that he found difficult to handle, and he was very depressed about the changes.

“What are you going to do about it?” I asked him.

“What do you mean, do about it?” Joe asked.

“I mean what are you going to do about your being stuck in something you don’t like?”

He just looked at me. It took a long time before he realized that he could choose to get his resume out to some other firms and not be a victim to the fifty-hour workweek he hated.

Adults and children raised with good boundaries learn that they are not only responsible for their lives, but also free to live their lives any way they choose, as long as they take responsibility for their choices. For the responsible adult, the sky is the limit.

We live in a society of victims. People today act as if they have no choices in life and that everything should be done for them. If it’s not, they can’t do it themselves or make changes. This presents a big opportunity for the future: If you learn to take control of your own life, you will be so far ahead of everyone else that success in life is all but guaranteed!

This devotional is drawn from Boundaries with Kids, by John Townsend and Henry Cloud.


Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts rising
‘Cause even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

“Washed by the Water”NEEDTOBREATHE

It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. – Luke 6:48 (NLT)

I apologize now for the analogy, but it is Jesus who used it, not me. In Luke chapter 6, Christ talks about our foundations. He specifically mentions digging deep to lay a foundation on solid rock. I was at a men’s meeting this week. The speaker, a man I know in recovery, was speaking primarily to an audience of about seventy men about digging deep. He referenced Luke 6:48 as to why its important to lay a foundation on solid rock.

I really liked how he focused on what you do before you lay a foundation. You dig deep. Much like many of us have been doing during this time after a catastrophe. We have physically been helping others or ourselves dig deep to clean out all of the junk before we rebuild on a solid foundation. We have emptied out the ruin from houses, saturated and mildewed by the flood and the storm. So we can prepare for the next storm.

Just before verse 48, as I look back into Luke, Jesus was making a point. He was giving an example of what it looks like when someone comes to Him, listens to His teaching, and then follows it. They dig deep, clean up their mess, build on a solid foundation. Verse 49 describes what happens when someone builds with no foundation. When they are self sufficient. When the storms come, they can’t handle them and are washed away.

Most of my life I have been self sufficient. I thought I could handle the storms. I hoped that none would come and I would acted surprised when they did. I missed the points Christ made. I missed that He didn’t say “if” the floods of life come. He said “when” the floods of life come. I missed that he instructed us to dig deep, find a firm foundation. I came to Him, I just didn’t do the rest. I didn’t listen to His teaching and make it my life’s work. I didn’t have a firm foundation. Then the storms came, the flood waters rose, and I was washed away. Every time.

I seek daily now to implement the directions Christ gave us in Luke 6. Each day I come to Him through prayer, Bible study, and fellowship with my brothers in Christ. I listen to His teaching through studying His word and seeking direction from His teachers. I try to follow it daily. I am broken in a broken world. I have to daily dig deep and clean out my house and reset my foundation. My foundation is able and strong. Even though I am not.


Due to the effects of Hurricane Harvey, we have decided to extend Early Bird registration until October 1st!  Please register ASAP.

Here is some information on the retreat.  I pray that the Lord uses this retreat to help men in their sexual purity journey.  The link to register for the retreat will be available later this Summer.

Friday, November 3rd – Sunday, November 5th

Castimonia’s Paratus Retreat is a retreat for any man who struggles with any type of sexual purity.  Paratus is Latin for equipped.

If you are wondering about whether to attend this retreat, ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you fully equipped for the spiritual battle that is raging around us right now?
  • Are you a man who strives for biblical sexual purity?
  • Are you a man who struggles with maintaining that sexual purity?
  • Do you want a circle of brothers helping you in your sexual purity journey?

Join us for a weekend dedicated to equipping adult men of all ages, all walks of life, and various levels of struggle with the tools necessary to wage this spiritual battle and emerge on the other side as the sexually pure men that God intended us to be.

At the retreat, we will discuss strategies for equipping ourselves with tactics necessary for battling the enemy. We will discover the true meaning of brotherhood and fellowship. The leaders of the retreat will set the example of vulnerability and accountability. We hope to pave the way for all men to be fully equipped to wage war against Satan’s tempting assaults and emerge VICTORIOUS.

Early Bird Registration up until September 15 October 1st – $175

Regular Registration after September 15 October 1st – November 1st – $200