Posted: 22 Jan 2014 03:00 AM PST
This blog was originally posted on April 15, 2009. Marsha thought it would be encouraging to our readers to repost. The original name for this blog was “2008 was His)tory”
My world fell apart in August 2007 when my husband’s pornography addiction was discovered , forcing us to step out of ministry. That year included selling our home, saying goodbye to dear friends, moving to a new state and finding new jobs outside of ministry.
THE HARDEST YEAR OF OUR MARRIAGE As devastating as all that was, it was nothing compared to the pain I experienced in 2008. I’ve often thought that it was interesting that the year “it all hit the fan” wasn’t the most difficult year of our journey. It was the following year that shook me to my core. When I think back though, it’s not really that surprising. When our world first began to crumble, we were in in an extended state of shock. Our life had become a train wreck, but we were numb from the pain. That “deer in the headlights” phase didn’t begin to wear off until we settled into our new life in 2008.
And then I started to feel. I started to grieve. Jeff and I began the very difficult process of identifying the junk in our marriage that was preventing us from enjoying the intimacy and wholeness that God had intended. That experience was like picking through trash looking for what stinks most. It was awful. Even worse, we would begin to make some progress and then take a step backwards. Like most marriages in recovery, it was constantly two steps forward, one step back.
Guided by the skilled hands of our Christian counselors, we sought the Lord’s healing. But healing, I’ve learned, can be painful. I often felt like I was on the surgeon’s table without painkiller as the Great Physician uncovered destructive lies firmly rooted in my life. There were days when I would say, “Enough. I can’t take it anymore. Ignorance was bliss. I’m done. This pain is too much.”
Patiently, the Lord would wait on me to lie back down on the table, to get back up on the potter’s wheel, so he could finish this mighty work of mending, restoring and rebuilding.
A FACEBOOK REVELATION At then end of 2008, I was typing my status update on Facebook when I accidentally inserted a hyphen which resulted in an amazing discovery. I wrote, “Marsha is so glad 2008 is his(tory. ” When I read it, it took my breath away – 2008 was His Story.
The Lord had not abandoned me in 2008. In fact, I had never experience d his presence more clearly. 2008 was His Story in my life. A story of amazing grace, tender mercy, deep healing and soul restoration. I had spent the entire year asking him to take away the pain. Instead, he worked in and through and with the pain. If I had missed that experience, I wouldn’t know him the way I know him now.
If I had to do it all over again, I would. Every single agonizing step. Why? The truth I know…the healing I’ve experienced…the joy that has come on the other side far outweighs the agony of my darkest days. My heart sings with David’s “Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalms 30:5)
Yes it does!
– Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
She offers help to spouses of sexual strugglers through phone coaching and online spouses’ support groups.
Check out our site: www.puritycoaching.com