No matter how much time you spend controlling and trying to prevent your partner straying, if the person you are in love with, is the kind of person to be disloyal, then all of the energy you put into worrying about whether they will cheat won’t stop it from happening. You can’t control what another person does. You can only control how you think, feel and behave. Let Go Of The Fear! It really is your choice to let go of the fear, and actively decide that you will no longer waste your energy trying to prevent, predict or control the actions of your partner, so you can feel more positive and calm in your relationship. The first thing to do is to stop seeking constant reassurance. Receiving reassurance can become an addiction. It feels good to have someone tell us how much they love us and would never hurt us, and it’s possible to get caught up in a cycle of creating conflict, just so you can get that hit of reassurance you’ve become hooked on. But just like a drug, the power of that hit wears off pretty quickly when you keep taking it and soon, it’s never enough. It’s also exhausting for a partner to keep trying to convince you of their love and many will just stop if they feel like you don’t hear them anyway. Step into your own power and nurture the belief that you are valuable, loveable and important to your partner. Provide your own reassurance when you start to feel doubtful with affirmations like ‘I am all that I need to be’, or ‘I am loved, valued and important’. Choose whatever feels good to say to your self and use it in times of fear. Being confident and self assured is much more appealing and a kind of sexy that’s hard to stray from rather than being needy and lacking self value. There will always be someone out there that could be considered more attractive, more interesting, funnier, richer, or smarter. It’s not about trying to measure up so that your partner will want only you, it’s about believing that you are loveable and trusting that your partner picked you for exactly who and what you are. From an article by Rachael Lay

“Cheating is easy. Try something hard like….Being Faithful.” – Daniel Engelbrecht

  1. Kelly says:

    I do not like this article for so many reasons! First of all it is a bad idea to say these things to a woman that has found out that she is married to a sex addict. This could further traumatized her! Second….it gives the addict an excuse to tell her to “get off his back”. The reality is that HE DOES HAVE ALOT OF WORK TO DO TO REGAIN THE TRUST OF HIS WIFE! HE SHOULD BE TURNING OVER BACKWARDS TO DO WHAT HE CAN TO HELP HER HEAL! That is just a few reasons and if I had more time I could write a book about this!!

    • Castimonia says:


      I’m sorry this post triggered you and you feel the way you do. You are 100% correct in saying that “… it is a bad idea to say these things to a woman that has found out that she is married to a sex addict.” Nevertheless, as I have explained to you and others, this site is for the men who struggle with sexual purity, not their wives. I even edited the entire site to add this disclaimer below the Castimonia logo at the top left. That being said and keeping this in mind, go back and read the posting as if you were a codependent addict always seeking love and affirmation from your spouse and always fearing they would cheat on you or abandon you. This is how I used to feel and thus one of the reasons I medicated my anxiety and fear. Worrying about my wife cheating or me measuring up to some “competition” I’ve created in my head is pointless. That was the reason I posted this. You would be surprised how many codependent addicts worry about their wife cheating on them or abandoning them. It’s true. so please read this site through the eyes of a man who struggles with sexual purity, not a betrayed spouse.

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