Posts Tagged ‘masturbation’

No matter how much time you spend controlling and trying to prevent your partner straying, if the person you are in love with, is the kind of person to be disloyal, then all of the energy you put into worrying about whether they will cheat won’t stop it from happening. You can’t control what another person does. You can only control how you think, feel and behave. Let Go Of The Fear! It really is your choice to let go of the fear, and actively decide that you will no longer waste your energy trying to prevent, predict or control the actions of your partner, so you can feel more positive and calm in your relationship. The first thing to do is to stop seeking constant reassurance. Receiving reassurance can become an addiction. It feels good to have someone tell us how much they love us and would never hurt us, and it’s possible to get caught up in a cycle of creating conflict, just so you can get that hit of reassurance you’ve become hooked on. But just like a drug, the power of that hit wears off pretty quickly when you keep taking it and soon, it’s never enough. It’s also exhausting for a partner to keep trying to convince you of their love and many will just stop if they feel like you don’t hear them anyway. Step into your own power and nurture the belief that you are valuable, loveable and important to your partner. Provide your own reassurance when you start to feel doubtful with affirmations like ‘I am all that I need to be’, or ‘I am loved, valued and important’. Choose whatever feels good to say to your self and use it in times of fear. Being confident and self assured is much more appealing and a kind of sexy that’s hard to stray from rather than being needy and lacking self value. There will always be someone out there that could be considered more attractive, more interesting, funnier, richer, or smarter. It’s not about trying to measure up so that your partner will want only you, it’s about believing that you are loveable and trusting that your partner picked you for exactly who and what you are. From an article by Rachael Lay

“Cheating is easy. Try something hard like….Being Faithful.” - Daniel Engelbrecht

I am humbled to announce that we will officially be starting a new Castimonia meeting on Monday mornings at First Baptist Church in Columbus, TX on March 30th!  This is our first meeting located outside of the general Houston area and also our first morning meeting.
Location information is written below.
Beginning March 30, 2015
Monday Mornings
Time: 6:00AM – 7:30AM
Location: First Baptist Church
1700 Milam Street
Columbus, TX 78934
This meeting should help those that live West of Katy/Sealy who may not have the opportunity to travel 2 hours round-trip to a Castimonia meeting.
Praise be to God, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ, for all He has done to grow His ministry!
Originally posted December 2013

A Colorado judge last week sentenced an 18-year-old boy to spend the rest of his life in prison for kidnapping, sexually assaulting, murdering, and dismembering a 10-year-old girl. How could the then-17-year-old commit such a heinous crime? It all started with pornography, he said.

Austin Sigg knew he was in trouble when he was just 12 years old. He wrote a note to his Christian therapist, saying, “I have an addiction to porn and would like it to stop,” according to court documents released after the sentencing and reviewed by The Denver Post. But instead of getting better, his addiction grew worse as he watched increasingly violent porn. Sigg’s mother sent him to therapy in 2008 when she found child pornography on his computer. But he returned to pornography after the counseling stopped.

Sigg lived with his mother in Westminster, Colo., in the Denver metropolitan area. A mile away lived Jessica Ridgeway, a fifth grade student and peewee cheerleader. On Oct. 5, 2012, Jessica didn’t come home from school. For two weeks, police, emergency workers, and more than 1,000 volunteers searched the fields and highways near the neighborhood. All the news channels showed Jessica’s picture, along with pleas from her family for her safe return. But Jessica was already dead by the time her mother called 911.

As she walked to school that morning, Sigg hid in the back seat of his Jeep. He lunged from the vehicle as she passed by, tied her arms and legs with zip ties, and threw her in the backseat. He took her to his home where he cut her hair, made her change clothes, and assaulted her in his bedroom before choking her with his bare hands. When he wasn’t sure if she was dead, he filled a bathtub with scalding water and plunged her face under. Sigg dismembered her body in the bathtub, hiding some body parts in the crawl space under his house.

On Oct. 23, 2012, police received a call from Sigg’s mother, saying he had confessed to killing Jessica. Authorities were shocked: They thought they were looking for an adult male due to the atrocity of the crime.

“I couldn’t believe it [was a teenager],” prosecutor Hal Sargent told The Denver Post. “We wondered if it was a mistake.” But DNA evidence tied Sigg to Jessica’s remains, and his descriptions of Jessica’s mutilated body were too precise to ignore. Sigg eventually pleaded guilty to all the charges against him.

As The Denver Post revealed the details of Sigg’s porn addiction, the level of his desensitization to sex and violence became clear.

“[The porn] started getting worse and worse and more violent things … as things got more violent it was such a slow progression of the step up, that … I don’t even know if I realized it was getting harder,” Sigg told a detective. He told police killing Jessica was “the result of acting out his sexual fantasy.”

“Whatever forces have made Austin Sigg who he is, he is broken,” Sargent said. “The only way to protect the community from him is to keep him confined forever.

The Great Porn Experiment

Published on May 16, 2012

In response to Philip Zimbardo’s “The Demise of Guys?” TED talk, Gary Wilson asks whether our brains evolved to handle the hyperstimulation of today’s Internet enticements. He also discusses the disturbing symptoms showing up in some heavy Internet users, the surprising reversal of those symptoms, and the science behind these 21st century phenomena.

More About Gary Wilson

Gary is host of The site arose in response to a growing demand for solid scientific information by heavy Internet erotica users experiencing perplexing, unexpected effects: escalation to more extreme material, concentration difficulties, sexual performance problems, radical changes in sexual tastes, social anxiety, irritability, inability to stop, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.

As a physiology teacher with a particular interest in the latest neuroscience discoveries, Gary was aware that their symptoms might be the result of addiction-related brain changes. Applying the website’s concepts of brain plasticity, many former users have braved withdrawal, reversed their symptoms and restored normal sexual responsiveness.

The site has been linked to from hundreds of threads in forums from over thirty countries, with posts numbering in the thousands. Gary blogs for “Psychology Today” and “The Good Men Project” on the extreme plasticity of adolescent brains, the evolutionary context for today’s flood of novel cyber “mates,” and the neurochemical reasons why superstimulating Internet delivery has unexpected effects on the brain.

Many thanks to Pat Somers of Slow Moving Pictures for the skillful editing of this video.

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

by Dr. Milton Magness

Many sex addicts have spoken these words hoping to move their partner beyond their betrayal. They want to turn the page, start fresh, and turn over a new leaf. And they feel that their partner should be willing to forget the past and move forward without ever bringing up the betrayal again.
So when will a wounded partner get over it? When will they quit bringing up the past? Only when they have healed from the trauma caused by the sex addict.
Fair? It is not a question of fairness. It is a question of healing. Someone who has been badly traumatized cannot will themselves to “just get over it.” Witness the many veterans who continue to deal with the trauma caused in combat years later. They want to move on but without help many are not able to heal.
Partners of sex addicts can indeed heal and they can do it more quickly if the one who wounded them can be patient, forget the idea that the healing will correspond to any date on the calendar, and personally get into recovery from their sex addiction.
 Whether you are a sex addict or a wounded partner, I know it is possible to stop all acting out behavior forever, heal the trauma caused by sex addiction, and have a fully restored relationship

by Samantha Baker

My husband has a new job, he’s out of the restaurant environment.   This is a good move, ultimately.  He’s now supervising a kitchen at the regional jail.  So, working with inmates.  He has to go through special training to work with the inmates, obviously.

I was looking through his handbook material the other day and came across this:

Manipulation is all about emotions.  Some offenders will try to manipulate you, “playing on your” emotions.  The chart below lists emotions often used by offenders to manipulate others…and appropriate responses you can use to respond, should you find yourself in such a situation.

Flattery Offender:  “Your the best staff I have.” Response:  “Thank you, but lets stick to the task at hand.”

Empathy Offender:  “My sister died of cancer; I know what you’re going through.” Response:  “My personal life is none of your business, let’s stick to the task at hand.”

Sympathy Offender:  “I don’t have any family or friends and it’s tough being locked up.” Response:  “Your personal life is none of my business, let’s stick to the task at hand.”

Helplessness Offender:  “You’re the only one that can help me through this.” Response:  “Let’s get back to the task at hand, you need to see your counselor about personal issues.”

Confidentiality Offender:  “I trust you, so don’t tell anyone or I’ll get into trouble.” Response:  “I don’t keep secrets, so what ever you tell me, I will tell my supervisor, let’s stick to the task at hand.”

Isolation Offender:  “They treat you like an XXXXX.” Response:  “That is none of your business, let’s stick to the task at hand.”

Touching or Sexual Reference Offender:  “I’m so sorry about that, I didn’t mean to do that, I apologize.” Response:  “WHOA WHOA WHOA!  You are not to touch me ever.  I’m telling my supervisor and you are being written up for this.”

Now…a little tweeking and boy could this be for ANY work environment, especially my husband and his affairs since all of his affairs were with employees.  Hell, my husband WAS THE OFFENDER as well as the giving INAPPROPRIATE responses when he received the manipulation tactics.  I’ve felt often that he used “techniques” to groom his AP’s until they then came on to him.  Now, even more so.

He’s still working on himself, his boundaries, etc.  He’s come a long way, but I still see room for improvement in that he needs to be hyper aware of boundaries.  Not get complacent.

This make it seem so simple, yet why was it so hard for him to not have boundaries?  How was it so easy to repeatedly step over boundaries on a daily basis and put himself into situations where affairs were possible?

I recently watched “After Earth” and I thought it had some deeper recovery-related gems.  For those that don’t know much about this movie here is a summary from Wikipedia:

In the future, an environmental cataclysm forces the human race to abandon Earth and settle on a new world, Nova Prime.

One thousand years later, the United Ranger Corps, a peacekeeping military commanded by General Cypher Raige, comes into conflict with alien creatures who intend to conquer Nova Prime. Their primary weapons are the Ursas: large, blind predatory multi-limbed creatures that hunt by sensing pheromones the human body secretes when scared (they literally smell fear). The Rangers struggle against the Ursas until the impassive Cypher learns how to completely suppress his fear, in effect becoming invisible to the Ursa—a technique called “ghosting.” After teaching this to the other Rangers, he leads the Ranger Corps to eventual victory.

In watching this movie, I picked up on  the recovery-related theme.   The subtheme I saw in this movie is that of fighting through and conquering our fears.  This resonates with me in recovery in that I tend to medicate my fear of the unknown with unhealthy activities, even compulsively watching television or sports.  There are a number of fears in my life but one of the things that I have become present to over the last few years is that fear is not real and this is stated clearly in one of the scenes of this movie.  For me, I have to understand that fear is simply Future Events Appearing Real, which means I am afraid of something that has not occurred or may never occur!  I hope this movie helps you with any fears you may have.

As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
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